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Post by jerri on Sept 29, 2020 12:53:16 GMT -5
My story has some parallels to h and @tooyoungtobeold2 . W “phoned it in” since the very start of dating, but I was too inexperienced to recognize how hopeless it was. We were having “sex” but it was lifeless, and I wrongly assumed that living together after marriage would give us the privacy to become more intimate and have more/better sex. So, it was bad at the beginning and never got better. It’s a mystery why W is how she is. It smells like childhood sexual abuse (she sees affection as aggression and reacts defensively). Could just as easily be that she attracted a lot of sexual attention that hardened her attitude against the sincerity and value of receiving the same in a marriage. She doesn’t enjoy sex, so it’s a nuisance; an obligatory chore - under that context, who’d be excited for anything intimate that could lead to sex? Because she steadfastly refuses to give any feedback (doesn’t trust me enough to share?), after 30 years together I still can’t tell you what excites her, turns her on, or even feels good to her sexually. She’s missed out on so much of life’s joy. Mine was a bit of bait/switch. Dating and then living together sex was pretty good but faded rapidly after the wedding. Your last paragraph nails my experience exactly. She avoided even the slightest intimacy likely because she thought a kiss might lead to me wanting sex. In hindsight, that's on me...I was so affection starved and sex starved that I inadvertently conditioned her to be this way. It's a chore (well....it WAS), something on the list to check off like sifting the cat box. Always only on Sunday mornings and only if there was almost no other stress of any kind which is pretty darn rare with three kids and a life. I used to call it "crime scene sex", the precise moment that sex is over you leap out of bed (because the chore is complete-why linger) and erase all evidence as fast as possible. Next time you see her 'to do list' add sex to it.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2020 16:16:58 GMT -5
Mine was a bit of bait/switch. Dating and then living together sex was pretty good but faded rapidly after the wedding. Your last paragraph nails my experience exactly. She avoided even the slightest intimacy likely because she thought a kiss might lead to me wanting sex. In hindsight, that's on me...I was so affection starved and sex starved that I inadvertently conditioned her to be this way. It's a chore (well....it WAS), something on the list to check off like sifting the cat box. Always only on Sunday mornings and only if there was almost no other stress of any kind which is pretty darn rare with three kids and a life. I used to call it "crime scene sex", the precise moment that sex is over you leap out of bed (because the chore is complete-why linger) and erase all evidence as fast as possible. Next time you see her 'to do list' add sex to it. I had that exact thought years ago! Lucky for her, I don't want "chore sex" any longer. No sex is better than chore sex.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Oct 1, 2020 2:44:11 GMT -5
[/font]Most women can't orgasm from PIV alone, l am one of them. Sex therapist taught me that technique![/quote]
Whats the technique?
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Post by sweetplumeria on Oct 1, 2020 2:52:46 GMT -5
I am not sure I fit any of the answers. My husband kind of liked to have sex with me in the beginning. I had never seen porn before so when he wanted to watch it during sex porn addiction was furthest from my mind. We have an age gap no one can relate too and now I wish I couldn't either. I believe my husband is a narcissist and I was his trophy wife until the point at which according to him I got fat. The problem is when your husband calls you fat well... you don't get thinner and healthier....Being 30 years my senior he probably had a testosterone issue but the one time he talk to his doctor about it (which of course he was madder than hates at me about) they decided it was a "desire issue".
There is just too many times I should have divorced him. I must be a fool.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 1, 2020 13:52:42 GMT -5
I used to call it "crime scene sex", the precise moment that sex is over you leap out of bed (because the chore is complete-why linger) and erase all evidence as fast as possible. Next time you see her 'to do list' add sex to it. I’ve tried that; her Outlook calendar appears on my phone. Back when I was trying, I would plant playful appointments on her calendar; they all got ignored and deleted. @tooyoungtobeold2, I know that drill well. Instantly out of bed, cleaned up, returning fully dressed and on a mission to sleep, facing the other way. Zero intimacy and after-play. Chore finished; box checked. “Sex” people look for opportunities; “non-sex” people look for excuses.
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Post by isthisit on Oct 1, 2020 15:55:44 GMT -5
@tooyoungtobeold2 , I know that drill well. Instantly out of bed, cleaned up, returning fully dressed and on a mission to sleep, facing the other way. Zero intimacy and after-play. Chore finished; box checked. Good Lord. Just when you think you’ve heard it all. Instantly jumps out of bed to clean up? Urghhhhhhh! That’s just appalling and crystal clear communication of the unwanted nature of the activity. Box ticked indeed. I am very sorry you have been subjected to that. That must be very painful.
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Post by saarinista on Oct 1, 2020 17:49:26 GMT -5
@tooyoungtobeold2 , I know that drill well. Instantly out of bed, cleaned up, returning fully dressed and on a mission to sleep, facing the other way. Zero intimacy and after-play. Chore finished; box checked. Good Lord. Just when you think you’ve heard it all. Instantly jumps out of bed to clean up? Urghhhhhhh! That’s just appalling and crystal clear communication of the unwanted nature of the activity. Box ticked indeed. I am very sorry you have been subjected to that. That must be very painful. She's probably a good housekeeper, though. 😏 As someone who is who could be better in that area, I must opine that is worth something. 🤔
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2020 17:54:23 GMT -5
@tooyoungtobeold2 , I know that drill well. Instantly out of bed, cleaned up, returning fully dressed and on a mission to sleep, facing the other way. Zero intimacy and after-play. Chore finished; box checked. Good Lord. Just when you think you’ve heard it all. Instantly jumps out of bed to clean up? Urghhhhhhh! That’s just appalling and crystal clear communication of the unwanted nature of the activity. Box ticked indeed. I am very sorry you have been subjected to that. That must be very painful. Not any more, separate bedrooms! Whoo hoo.
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Post by isthisit on Oct 1, 2020 22:26:15 GMT -5
Good Lord. Just when you think you’ve heard it all. Instantly jumps out of bed to clean up? Urghhhhhhh! That’s just appalling and crystal clear communication of the unwanted nature of the activity. Box ticked indeed. I am very sorry you have been subjected to that. That must be very painful. She's probably a good housekeeper, though. 😏 As someone who is who could be better in that area, I must opine that is worth something. 🤔 I can’t stand cleaning. I got a cleaner and saved my energy for my H..... damn.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 2, 2020 4:34:04 GMT -5
Ignored, I would expect. Deleting them? That's one of two things. Contempt or OCD / fastidiousness, keeping the calendar clean and serious. (This is NOT the place for such nonsense!) If you're at the point of being mischievous rather than sad/upset/furious, that'd be a fascinating inquiry. "Why'd you delete my flirty calendar appointments, babe?" Think there'd be squirm factor? Or dismissiveness?
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Post by h on Oct 2, 2020 6:59:53 GMT -5
Good Lord. Just when you think you’ve heard it all. Instantly jumps out of bed to clean up? Urghhhhhhh! That’s just appalling and crystal clear communication of the unwanted nature of the activity. Box ticked indeed. I am very sorry you have been subjected to that. That must be very painful. She's probably a good housekeeper, though. 😏 As someone who is who could be better in that area, I must opine that is worth something. 🤔 Not necessarily true. I get the "crime scene" treatment but she's a terrible housekeeper.
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Post by Handy on Oct 2, 2020 9:30:37 GMT -5
In my case, my W used to get up quickly to pee because she and other women talked about getting a urinary tract infection (UTI) after having sex and the pee flushed out the bacteria that entered the urethra. I also read on-line a few stories of women thatpee before sex and pee after sex to TRY to avoid UTIs. And there are some women that have UTIs so frequently, the next one is going to start this afternoon for no particular reason. How do I know? I bought my W 2 UTI books from Amazon. I also brought home a specimin cup and those over the counter UTI symptom reliver, Azo pills.
PS Having female parts can be more troublesome than having male parts. My friend and I call the female system "expensive real estate"rather than mention sexual related gender issues.
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Post by isthisit on Oct 2, 2020 16:09:02 GMT -5
In my case, my W used to get up quickly to pee because she and other women talked about getting a urinary tract infection (UTI) after having sex and the pee flushed out the bacteria that entered the urethra. I also read on-line a few stories of women thatpee before sex and pee after sex to TRY to avoid UTIs. And there are some women that have UTIs so frequently, the next one is going to start this afternoon for no particular reason. How do I know? I bought my W 2 UTI books from Amazon. I also brought home a specimin cup and those over the counter UTI symptom reliver, Azo pills.
PS Having female parts can be more troublesome than having male parts. My friend and I call the female system "expensive real estate"rather than mention sexual related gender issues.
Concerns about UTI’s sound like an excuse to me. If a woman is susceptible to ascending infection that can come from a range of sources, peeing will make no difference. An old wives’ tale and a handy one at that. As far as the troublesome-ness of genitalia, I would simply point out the advantage of having internal anatomy which cannot be crushed, bitten, trapped in a zip or amputated. 😊
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Post by Handy on Oct 2, 2020 21:07:04 GMT -5
An old wives’ tale and a handy one at that.
It sells products and is a problem. I don't under it being only an "old wives' tale." Medical tests on my W show e-coli bacteria in her urine. Most likely it came from her passing gas and not from my freshly washed device. Who knows, her "expensive real-estate" has been troublesome at times. Unfortunately some of the solutions I read about and offered didn't work or had some down side.
I am happy to hear you don't have any or many problems concerning that part of the human anatomy. WTG!
Speaking of anatomy getting in the way, sometimes when I lay on my side I have to re-arange a few things between my legs. It/they get sort of crushed. It is a simple fix so no biggie.
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Post by isthisit on Oct 3, 2020 2:02:50 GMT -5
An old wives’ tale and a handy one at that. It sells products and is a problem. I don't under it being only an "old wives' tale." Medical tests on my W show e-coli bacteria in her urine. Most likely it came from her passing gas and not from my freshly washed device. Who knows, her "expensive real-estate" has been troublesome at times. Unfortunately some of the solutions I read about and offered didn't work or had some down side. I am happy to hear you don't have any or many problems concerning that part of the human anatomy. WTG! Speaking of anatomy getting in the way, sometimes when I lay on my side I have to re-arange a few things between my legs. It/they get sort of crushed. It is a simple fix so no biggie. Well depending on your choice of activity E. coli would usually not be influenced by sexual activity. Like I said, avoidance of sex as a preventative measure against UTI is a highly convenient old wives’ tale for the refusing female. A gentleman’s dangly bits come to more harm than a bit of rearranging can sort out! Oh..... if only I could share.
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