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Post by lessingham on Sept 7, 2020 4:30:42 GMT -5
Would you swap? I was reading an article from an older guy who married a younger thai bride. He said he knew she did not love him but she cared for him and never brought shame on him. She made love whenever he wanted. He also cared and looked after her. A mirror of many of our situations, sexually satisfied but in a loveless marriage, but caring. Would you swap, or would you find youself just as trapped and unhappy!?
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 7, 2020 7:32:08 GMT -5
Would you swap? I was reading an article from an older guy who married a younger Thai bride. He said he knew she did not love him but she cared for him and never brought shame on him. She made love whenever he wanted. He also cared and looked after her. A mirror of many of our situations, sexually satisfied but in a loveless marriage, but caring. Would you swap, or would you find yourself just as trapped and unhappy!? I'm curious what the signs of lovelessness are. Does he have to ask for every caring gesture, like a servant with benefits? What kind of care? Love has struck me as seeking to benefit someone at your own expense. (Take five minutes to save her ten. Buy something you know she needs because it's on your way home. Stop reading to give her a hug she seems to need.) Lack data. Not to say this thread even applies to me, given the continued reset, but the context is valuable to enjoy other people's responses.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 7, 2020 12:10:03 GMT -5
Love is among the most overused, vaguely defined, variably understood words in existence.
I'm not even sure it's useful.
Philia, storge, eros and agape were the Greek ideas about love.
Sex is a separate concept.
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Post by jerri on Sept 7, 2020 16:42:51 GMT -5
I wonder how common that really is? He could have easily been involved in a scam? My brother got cleaned out in one day by a sophisticated moving team! He called me over there to show me. There was an eerie echo in each room. It must have cost a bundle to have that huge of a team. I told him to prosecute his ex wife. He said no, I'm glad she's gone. The neighbors were so blown away by the team. They got a video of all the packers an movers for my brother. My brother put a lot of money into lawyers to make sure she got smacked for her actions in the divorce.
on the other hand, I have a friend who has a Russian bride who is very young if you would like to talk to him.
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Post by baza on Sept 7, 2020 18:55:46 GMT -5
Would you swap? I was reading an article from an older guy who married a younger thai bride. He said he knew she did not love him but she cared for him and never brought shame on him. She made love whenever he wanted. He also cared and looked after her. A mirror of many of our situations, sexually satisfied but in a loveless marriage, but caring. Would you swap, or would you find youself just as trapped and unhappy!? On the bare bones of what you have floated here Brother lessingham , the theoretical situation of having someone who actually cared about you and engaged in sex with you would be a MAJOR trade up from an ILIASM shithole.
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Post by lessingham on Sept 8, 2020 3:07:01 GMT -5
One of my clients was of Pakistani origin. He was called home as his father was dying. Dad told him he wanted to see his son married before he died. The doc said, better make it quick son. My client said normally Pakistani villages are full of youg marriageable women. Not this time. He eventually found a woman halfway up the mountain on a farm. Grabbed her, married her and presented her to his dying father. My client shook his head and confessed that he and his wife were head over heels in love from that day. Love is blind and capricious indeed. I know a lot of "mail order brides" are scams and need careful looking at. But the story I presented stood out. I think the woman was genuine, cared and looked after him, but no love. In lots of marriages, I suspect, love fades to this anyway. But it is a mirror to a sexless marriage,
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Post by Handy on Sept 8, 2020 9:47:47 GMT -5
Lessingham Would you swap? I was reading an article from an older guy who married a younger thai bride.
That sounds as good as a FWB and much better than most ILIASM shit holes, as Baza calls it.
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grower
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by grower on Sept 8, 2020 11:38:12 GMT -5
I was not happy in my SM, but allowed my over thinking of my obligations rule me. So I would switch all day long, and maybe she loves him anyway, regardless of the age.
The people who live in happy homes , but don't have sex with there other, I cannot relate to, refusing sex to me just ate away at my soul, besides she was/is not capable of any long term happiness. There was/is always some real or imagined issue. Look past the crap and if you think you could be happy, go find it.
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Post by alwaysdenied on Sept 8, 2020 14:31:00 GMT -5
I would dare to say that she did 'love' him. Perhaps not the teenage version of love. But in caring for him and providing for his needs, you cannot do that without love. I've been to Thailand many times and yes the girls are mostly paid to entertain you. However, that doesn't mean that they're bad people. In fact, most would devote their lives to you if you happened to take them out of the bar and into a much better life. Unfortunately, a lot of them have multiple std's up to and including AIDS. Most of the girls had to go from the farmland to make money for their family, maybe even sold by their fathers. So are borderline slaves, while others are just trying to make some good money.
If you ever go to the area, I suggest picking up a girl who has the best personality and paying her bar fee for the time you're there. Let her accompany you around as you tour and she can get you super cheap local prices for taxis and food or other items. Of course she will want to marry you, but if you choose the right one, you can have a nice little companion even if you don't use her for sex. FWIW, yeah I would probably trade that if I could find one disease free for sure.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 8, 2020 17:06:54 GMT -5
Again, you have to define love, I think.
From what I know, a "mail order bride" is normally more like a sex worker situation.. But if you found a mail order bride you had things in common with it could be a relationship.
And not everyone wants a "equal partners" kind of sex life or marriage. Marriage can be simple fealty. It could work great for some and there's probably no law against it, nor should there be.
But you have to know what you're getting into and not be so casual about the word "love."
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2020 13:08:28 GMT -5
Again, you have to define love, I think. From what I know, a "mail order bride" is normally more like a sex worker situation.. But if you found a mail order bride you had things in common with it could be a relationship. And not everyone wants a "equal partners" kind of sex life or marriage. Marriage can be simple fealty. It could work great for some and there's probably no law against it, nor should there be. But you have to know what you're getting into and not be so casual about the word "love." I agree with you on use of "love". I have known friends with older parents from arranged marriages and they often talked about the dynamic being, "we didn't know one another but we grew to love each other". Was that love as we think of it? Something else?
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Post by saarinista on Sept 28, 2020 18:09:06 GMT -5
Again, you have to define love, I think. From what I know, a "mail order bride" is normally more like a sex worker situation.. But if you found a mail order bride you had things in common with it could be a relationship. And not everyone wants a "equal partners" kind of sex life or marriage. Marriage can be simple fealty. It could work great for some and there's probably no law against it, nor should there be. But you have to know what you're getting into and not be so casual about the word "love." I agree with you on use of "love". I have known friends with older parents from arranged marriages and they often talked about the dynamic being, "we didn't know one another but we grew to love each other". Was that love as we think of it? Something else? Everyone has their own definition. The word "love," like "nice" or "hate " or "commitment" is meaningless without specific behavioral parameters. Talk is cheap and vague statements are useless.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Oct 2, 2020 6:17:57 GMT -5
I know a couple that she is quite a bit younger than him and she seems to be from one of the Asian countries. I often wonder what she saw in him and think he lucked out lol I believe he brought her here to marry him. They have made a life together and have a child together. I've never seen them acting lovey dovey around each other but they seem to be happy.
I think if I and a mail order bride got along well, truely cared for each others well being, and she actually enjoyed sex when we had it at least twice a week, I would be happy in the marriage. It would be a big step up from what I have now. I think too many think the passionate steamy marriages in the movies is how all marriages should be.
I shake my head some times when I think of the fact that my wife's reluctance to let me pleasure her sexually is about the only strong reason I have for leaving the marriage. I could overlook the other issues. I humorsly imagine her in divorce court hearing the judge ask her why she wants a divorce. She answers, "Because he kept wanting to make me orgasm so often." Then the judge says, "And that's a bad thing why?" And she doesn't answer. I know that's not realistic but really comes down to why we will divorce some day.
A long term friendly relationship with a woman using me for a green card who truly cares for me and enjoys sex would be OK in my mind. I could be happy. It would not be my first choice of arrangements but could work.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 2, 2020 20:42:16 GMT -5
A long term friendly relationship with a woman using me for a green card who truly cares for me and enjoys sex would be OK in my mind. I could be happy. It would not be my first choice of arrangements but could work. Taking it from a first-generation Chinese immigrant... Wealthy parents in China will pay a handsome “dowry” to an American guy willing to marry their daughter. Like into six figures. Everybody involved knows the true intent is for her to become a naturalized citizen and then be able to bring her parents over; it’s all about building an escape route. The relationship seems doomed, but it might be vital for a few years. A prenuptial would be strongly advised. FWIW, $100k is cheap. Many small countries that have an investment path to citizenship require $250k or more, and don’t afford the same benefits as the US. We don’t offer such a program.
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