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Post by baza on Sept 2, 2020 1:32:25 GMT -5
I reckon that many of us adopted "life values" or "vows" or "moral positions" as young people within our known environment at the time. For example, as a young single bloke, I espoused the view that "marriage is forever" and I would "never divorce". It was very very easy to adhere to this "moral code" because at that stage, I wasn't even in a relationship and not married, let alone cheating. But, circumstances change. In my case, as the years unfolded, I ended up in an ILIASM shithole, and very unhappy about it. I won't bore you with the mental gymnastics I put myself through about "marriage is forever" and "I would never divorce or cheat", but suffice to say it was not easy. But it came down to this - Was that moral code - formed in my teens and early adulthood that "marriage was forever and I wouldn't cheat" - relevant to my life in my mid 50's and embroiled in a highly dysfunctional marriage ?" Was holding to that moral code - formed in my late teens and early 20's - enhancing my life in my 50's or was it not ? This subject caused me a great deal of deep introspection which I found incredible challenging. The possibility that a value one has held "forever" might be wrong, or at least at odds with ones current reality, is quite unsettling to say the least. But I think this challenging of ones core values is a process we all need to go through as part of sorting out our own shit. Like Brother itme says - "What's In A Vow ?" |
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Post by Handy on Sept 2, 2020 17:17:26 GMT -5
Padgemi
prepositional phrases? .... predicate
A pair of pennies for your thoughts.Teacher, may I be excused? I feel a headache coming on. I never did that well past verbs, adverbs and nouns and maybe I faked my way though grammar exercises like this.
OTH, I can rebuild a Carter AFB carburetor, a 727 TorqueFlite automatic transmission and many other things . I hope those things count!
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Post by saarinista on Sept 2, 2020 18:36:59 GMT -5
Look. All the pretty words you say before you sign the contractual marriage license mean ZERO as far as I know.
Marriage is a legal state which designates financial responsibility for spousal living costs, assignation of of debt, responsibility for children in case of a divorce, and directs the government about where to send your death benefits.
The law guarantees certain things for married people. Sex ain't one of them. There is no legal guarantee of anything except the above.
You don't even have to say anything AFAIK to be married. Just sign the license at the courthouse and you're married!
Words mean nothing.
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Post by jerri on Sept 3, 2020 14:04:48 GMT -5
In my opinion, they can make a decision to not have sex. It took me many years to say, why am I being loyal to the unloyal! There was a point where he said he was leaving because I was getting sex elsewhere. He broke his vows first, l deserve sex! He tried to say l was cheating. No, sir, after l acted like a child throwing a fit, I composed myself and stated that I didn't cheat him out of any information, as sweetly as I could. Cheating is hiding information from the other person and I did not do that. I even felt ashamed for what I was doing because by Nature I love monogamy! Now fast forward, since I have learned about polyamory and am very secure with myself, I could share house with another couple and retire with much more money and much more company! They would have to be a very easy-going sexless couple.
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Post by baza on Sept 3, 2020 20:16:30 GMT -5
I've got an anecdote, and a question, and an observation.
Anecdote -
I got married at the Registry Office.
The dialogue went something like this -
Registrar asks me - "Are you the person described on this form ?"
Me - "Yes"
Registrar (to Missus) "Are you the person described on this form ?"
Missus - "Yes"
Registrar (to witness 1) - "Are you the person described on this form ?"
Witness 1 - "Yes"
Registrar (to witness 2) - "Are you the person described on this form ?"
Witness 2 - "Yes"
Registrar - "Sign here" (to each)
We scribble our autographs.
Registrar - "Under the Commonwealth of Australia Marriage Act of 1946, section 28, you are married - you may kiss"
There were no "vows".
Question
Do you remember - exactly - what, if any, vows were exchanged - or do you just have some vague recollection of it being something along the lines of 'to have and hold' or some such.
Observation
Are you now holding on to some vow you don't even specifically remember the detail of ?
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Post by jerri on Sept 4, 2020 0:53:31 GMT -5
In my opinion, they can make a decision to not have sex. It took me many years to say, why am I being loyal to the unloyal! There was a point where he said he was leaving because I was getting sex elsewhere. He broke his vows first, l deserve sex! He tried to say l was cheating. No, sir, after l acted like a child throwing a fit, I composed myself and stated that I didn't cheat him out of any information, as sweetly as I could. Cheating is hiding information from the other person and I did not do that. I even felt ashamed for what I was doing because by Nature I love monogamy! Now fast forward, since I have learned about polyamory and am very secure with myself, I could share house with another couple and retire with much more money and much more company! They would have to be a very easy-going sexless couple. You're talking about my fantasy. High five mirrororchid!!! Superb, we need a yr to sell all of my properties and then l will be right over...we will need two master brs. And we need to design a dungeon! What motif and colors? I am very Persnickety about my kitchen it has to be small so I can move fast, I hate running across big kitchens:-) just kidding don't get scared. Haha insert code here |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 4, 2020 20:00:04 GMT -5
The reason I remember what one part of my vows included is because we were getting married at a courthouse and the judge wanted a few minutes to "get to know us" in which he asked about specific phrasing....he said some couples choose "love, honor, and obey" or "love, honor, and cherish" - and my (now-Ex)H and I burst out laughing. Like "obey" was even a possibility! So, we had a good laugh. And we chose "cherish" - and we both failed at different levels on that one.
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Post by isthisit on Apr 12, 2021 10:22:23 GMT -5
Wow, wedding vows.
At our wedding H and I both promised the following to each other in full hearing of our nearest and dearest:
“with my body I thee worship”.
Yeah. That was said back to him a few times let me tell you. Should do him for breach of contract.
I also declined to promise to obey. No point as I have zero intention of obeying anyone, because I am a grown up. FFS
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 17, 2021 3:33:43 GMT -5
Wow, wedding vows. At our wedding H and I both promised the following to each other in full hearing of our nearest and dearest: “with my body I thee worship”. Yeah. That was said back to him a few times let me tell you. Should do him for breach of contract. I also declined to promise to obey. No point as I have zero intention of obeying anyone, because I am a grown up. FFS Our spouses broke vows in record time. Probably had their fingers crossed. |
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Post by isthisit on Apr 17, 2021 15:19:33 GMT -5
Actually I cannot complain as you describe. My experience was a bit out of step with the majority of stories here. My five week honeymoon was breathtaking from a sexual point of view, and I enjoyed a fabulous five years of physical and emotional intimacy after we were married. I could not have been happier.
Getting married was one thing, but I always thought that getting genetically involved was the truly permanent commitment, so took my time to be sure before I was prepared to take that step. I had no doubts at all, very quickly got pregnant..... and then he turned into someone I didn’t recognise and forgot all about the worshipping with his body bit.
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