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Post by ironhamster on Sept 20, 2020 2:03:42 GMT -5
heathcliff, "...and I don't want to do them with her." It sounds like you are realizing your relationship problems with your wife go beyond just the sex. I could not see spending my declining days with my refuser, either.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 20, 2020 2:12:02 GMT -5
I've found, sadly, that just because the family breaks up the kids don't necessarily heal. My stay at home wife was the primary parent as per Illinois law, so, my youngest wasn't coming with me legally. The court documents state that she would do what she could to reasonably facilitate a relationship between me and my youngest. That's totally unenforceable bullshit and the lawyers know it when they put it in as a pacifier phrase. My ex toxified our relationship. I just sent her a gift for her eighteenth birthday. I have no idea what she wants, so I am making my best guess on what I knew. I wrote her a letter, in which I asked for contact and reminded her that I am not mad at her, she's mad at me. I don't expect to hear back. I worry about her mental health. I'm sorry to hear this. There's no excuse for this kind of thing. Shame on your wife for trying to sever the sacred bond of parent and child. Remember that the same thing could have happened had you add stayed married.
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Post by jerri on Sept 20, 2020 4:16:29 GMT -5
ironhamster l bet he is technically in a sexless marriage. We will see in time. She just moved out of the master because she doesn't want to be close to him because he travels for work. covid crisis. She also has an illness that flares up some years. She's lonely without the kids. She started being mean to one of the kids who just graduated and got even closer to him. She likes to go out and eat, shop, she's cut all of that out. She locked herself out and panicked and took an axe to the door knob. He asked her if she was okay, then told her to calm down, we need a more beautiful door anyway! I was so proud of him. He was upset at the senseless act. I told him let it go, you can't shame her in any way, what's done is done. She's stressed working at home with few tools.
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 20, 2020 7:35:24 GMT -5
Shopping and meanness and axes, oh my!
I developed some rules to prevent future bad relationships. My first three restrictions are that I don't do needy, I don't do crazy, and I don't do stupid. I picture that shopping and eating are on his paycheck, and the door is on his paycheck, and all that consumption is symbolic of him. I saw this trait in my mother in law, consuming to strike back at a husband that worked his ass off for her. Unhealthy relationship alarm! I found I fell into the same trap as I got older. My finances were like buying a bigger bilge pump for a boat rather than fixing an evergrowing leak.
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