Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date

mirrororchid
Senior Member

Formerly sexless. SM in remission, Nov. 2019

Posts: 1,510

Age Range: 51-55

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Aug 7, 2020 18:30:11 GMT -5 h and jerri like this

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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 7, 2020 18:30:11 GMT -5

It occurs to me that people who leave sexless marriages may be badly out of practice.
They may have been married so long, they haven;t learned many new tricks to romance a future partner.
Some "stayed pure" for their wedding night, only to find they were staying pure 'til death. (Or would find themselves "pure" again all too soon.)

Me? I'm in better condition that many here, but my experience level (three lovers, lifetime, 2, 3, and 26.5 years) may leave me a babe-in-the-woods when it comes to dating again.

I'm creating this thread to help everyone interested in finding love after leaving their sexless marriage. Lack of confidence sucks. The best revenge should be ~~living~~ loving well.
Perhaps those of us in SMs may read something here and surprise their mostly-refuser and have a more memorable night than usual. (a turnaround is a bit risky to ask for.)

I've been on the lookout for subject matter elsewhere in ILIASM that we might learn from.
So far, I have found:

SOCIAL:
Meeting People (initial introductions, starring northstarmom )
Meeting People (Dating Apps)
Meeting People (First Date Conversation, starring Apocrypha )
Dating Protocol (COVID edition)
Rediscovering Yourself and First Dates After SM
"Rebound" Relationships
Broaching the subject of Sex
Things Fellas Need to Avoid Talking About (and things they may need to work on) (Thanks greatcoastal )
PHYSICAL:
Kissing
Foreplay
Fisting
Manual Sex
"Squirting"
Oral Sex and also
Sexual Positions (thanks, jerri )
Sexual Techniques (for men to please women)
Communicating Needs/Wants/Desires (Fighting Fair post - thanks sweetplumeria and jerri )
Coital Alignment Technique (C.A.T) / Blended Orgasms (Thanks, greatcoastal ) (Link to the blog post that inspired the Medium story)
Sex Toys and again

MEDICAL:
Female Libido, Sexuality, and Hormonal Cycles (trail of bread crumbs from greatcoastal got me here)
Menopause www.nwhn.org/strategies-for-staying-sexual-after-menopause/ (with thanks to Handy) Also this
Viagara

FINANCIAL
Handling your own money for the first time.

When we hit the sheets again, we want to amaze and delight, amIright?
If the links lean a bit towards pleasing the ladies, let's face it...that is the tougher challenge.

Perhaps there are more topics to put in the manual.
Date Ideas?
Date Conversation Topics?
Commitment Stages, Risks, and Comfort Zones?
Anatomy / Physiology?
Massage?
Romantic Gestures and Sweet Nothings?
Dressing for Dating Success and Personal Grooming?

I can update this OP if people locate good subject matter for the newly on-the-prowl.
I'll generate threads if I don't find existing ones.
Topics/threads from other online resources can be links as well.

Last Edit: Mar 1, 2023 5:33:13 GMT -5 by mirrororchid

sweetplumeria
Full Member

Posts: 312

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 10, 2020 2:30:59 GMT -5 via mobile DryCreek, itme, and 1 more like this

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Post by sweetplumeria on Oct 10, 2020 2:30:59 GMT -5

I was so surprised there was no comments on this thread. It's very comprehensive list maybe it's been so long people can't remember... I guess I think you should add a communication component. When I stepped back into the world of sex I did it with a kind of attitude of not caring if the other person was disposable I know that sounds awful but it allowed me the opportunity to say when I really thought and felt and with that Honesty everything was so much better. When I get emotionally attached to someone it's harder to say the real things and I have learned that. That's what I have to practice in order to have fulfilling relationship. I don't know if anyone else can relate to this but I really feel like it should be in the manual addresses every single area covered really you can say yes I like fisting no I don't like fisting. All those things that we missed a dressing and landed ourselves in a sexless marriage could you imagine if you could have discussed those things along the way if your partner could have been honest and said I don't really like sex or you're not the one for me in that way. Honest conversation should be on the list.

mirrororchid
Senior Member

Formerly sexless. SM in remission, Nov. 2019

Posts: 1,510

Age Range: 51-55

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 13, 2020 5:48:17 GMT -5 sweetplumeria likes this

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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 13, 2020 5:48:17 GMT -5

Oct 10, 2020 2:30:59 GMT -5 sweetplumeria said:

I was so surprised there was no comments on this thread. It's very comprehensive list maybe it's been so long people can't remember... I guess I think you should add a communication component. When I stepped back into the world of sex I did it with a kind of attitude of not caring if the other person was disposable I know that sounds awful but it allowed me the opportunity to say when I really thought and felt and with that Honesty everything was so much better. When I get emotionally attached to someone it's harder to say the real things and I have learned that. That's what I have to practice in order to have fulfilling relationship. I don't know if anyone else can relate to this but I really feel like it should be in the manual addresses every single area covered really you can say yes I like fisting no I don't like fisting. All those things that we missed a dressing and landed ourselves in a sexless marriage could you imagine if you could have discussed those things along the way if your partner could have been honest and said I don't really like sex or you're not the one for me in that way. Honest conversation should be on the list.

Thanks for contributing to the manual!

I've added: "Communicating Needs/Wants/Desires?"

Each topic started in the lower list, and got moved to the top list when I found a thread here on ILIASM which addressed it (some more thoroughly than others)
This explains the hodgepodge of topics that actually have links. They've been added pretty much solely through serendipitous discovery.

jerri
Senior Member

Don't ask tell them you will be getting sex elsewhere. Don't seek permission! Did you get a choice?

Posts: 823

Age Range: 56-60

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 14, 2020 1:19:43 GMT -5 ironhamster likes this

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Post by jerri on Oct 14, 2020 1:19:43 GMT -5

Animated sex positions. Scroll down to index.
sexinfo101.com/

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201810/why-so-many-women-have-trouble-orgasm

"A large body of sex research shows that only around 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic from just PVI. Three-quarters require direct clitoral caresses for climax and satisfaction."

Last Edit: Oct 14, 2020 1:29:34 GMT -5 by jerri

Any content is not advice to be followed by a user of the website. You should always seek the advice of a qualified health professional.

Handy Senior Member Posts: 3,094	Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 14, 2020 8:34:11 GMT -5 jerri likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Handy on Oct 14, 2020 8:34:11 GMT -5 Those Animated sex positions, "Groundhog--Froggy positions look hot.

jerri
Senior Member

Don't ask tell them you will be getting sex elsewhere. Don't seek permission! Did you get a choice?

Posts: 823

Age Range: 56-60

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 14, 2020 12:13:11 GMT -5 ironhamster likes this

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Post by jerri on Oct 14, 2020 12:13:11 GMT -5

Oct 14, 2020 8:34:11 GMT -5 Handy said:

Those Animated sex positions, "Groundhog--Froggy positions look hot.

They changed the format. They used to be moving gifs, I am guessing they got complaints? They put bigger boobs on this girl.
We tried at least one new position every time we came to play, we need to do that again. We have been wearing masks and doing positions that face away from each other.
Hubby still didn't call doc for an appointment.

The grapefruit technique that she butchered, but that's ok. So much better if I do it without all the harsh noise!

Start at 7:45

She teaches one to get a Ninja pu$$y. So tight that she can lift a surfboard held by a string from a yoni egg in her vagina. It works! And when you cum if he doesn't stick it all the way in... The muscles push him out!

kimanami.com/things-i-lift-with-my-vagina/

Last Edit: Oct 14, 2020 13:03:22 GMT -5 by jerri

Any content is not advice to be followed by a user of the website. You should always seek the advice of a qualified health professional.

jerri
Senior Member

Don't ask tell them you will be getting sex elsewhere. Don't seek permission! Did you get a choice?

Posts: 823

Age Range: 56-60

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 16, 2020 3:14:35 GMT -5

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Post by jerri on Oct 16, 2020 3:14:35 GMT -5

Anyone want to borrow the book
Becoming Cliterate?

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Cliterate-Orgasm-Equality-Matters/dp/0062484389&ved=2ahUKEwjd4L-h1rjsAhUNEqwKHRcWAsgQFjADegQICBAC&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw122GU-pHbXEcQ9Vv0WWFiW

Last Edit: Oct 16, 2020 3:18:10 GMT -5 by jerri

Any content is not advice to be followed by a user of the website. You should always seek the advice of a qualified health professional.

mirrororchid
Senior Member

Formerly sexless. SM in remission, Nov. 2019

Posts: 1,510

Age Range: 51-55

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 16, 2020 4:45:42 GMT -5 jerri likes this

Quote

Post by mirrororchid on Oct 16, 2020 4:45:42 GMT -5

Oct 14, 2020 1:19:43 GMT -5 jerri said:

Animated sex positions. Scroll down to index.
sexinfo101.com/

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201810/why-so-many-women-have-trouble-orgasm

"A large body of sex research shows that only around 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic from just PVI. Three-quarters require direct clitoral caresses for climax and satisfaction."

Added you link, Jerri. Thanks.
Your Psychology Today link had another story in it I used for "Sexual Techniques".

I can always add multiple links or switch out for better ones as we find them.
I especially like ILIASM pages because we can update and improve them.

jerri
Senior Member

Don't ask tell them you will be getting sex elsewhere. Don't seek permission! Did you get a choice?

Posts: 823

Age Range: 56-60

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 17, 2020 23:18:31 GMT -5

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Post by jerri on Oct 17, 2020 23:18:31 GMT -5

Homemade sex toys?
Got this from the book 101 things about sex you didn't know.
www.homemade-sex-toys.com/

www.google.com/search?q=homemade+sex+toys&oq=homemade+sex+toys&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i60l2.3414j0j8&client=tablet-android-acer&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Last Edit: Oct 17, 2020 23:22:33 GMT -5 by jerri

Any content is not advice to be followed by a user of the website. You should always seek the advice of a qualified health professional.

tamara68
Senior Members

If it can't get worse, it can only get better

Posts: 2,509

Age Range: 46-50

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 18, 2020 3:56:50 GMT -5 DryCreek, greatcoastal, and 6 more like this

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Post by tamara68 on Oct 18, 2020 3:56:50 GMT -5

I think it is important to have a certain mindset.
If you go out dating with the intention that 'you must find someone', you will feel disappointed when that doesn't happen quickly enough.
If you go out to explore and gain new experiences, you will feel better no matter what happens.
Not having too many expectations. Enjoy what comes on your way. Expect that you will have good as well as not so good experiences.

Last Edit: Oct 18, 2020 7:41:11 GMT -5 by tamara68

optima
Junior Member

Posts: 35

Manual for the Newly Divorced / Starting to Date Oct 15, 2021 20:18:33 GMT -5 via mobile ironhamster and mirrororchid like this

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Post by optima on Oct 15, 2021 20:18:33 GMT -5

This is very helpful as I begin to contemplate what life might look like outside of the sexless marriage once the ink dries on my divorce. I’ve never been on an online date and have only been with two women ever and once for the last 13 years.