I do worry for him. But I have long ago separated myself from identifying with his choices. I used to be embarassed for him, for example. I no longer am. He is making his own bad choices. I have offered help in every way you can imagine to no avail.
And mirrororchid I cannot imagine why he would care if he is impotent. I think he would be relieved to no longer have erections TBH.
Impotence doesn't necessarily cancel out libido. Non-refusers with atherosclerosis may suffer from this affliction. They may be so ashamed they become refusers. This may lead to personal neglect, and perhaps playing solitaire. If you cannot finish the job, but no one else is disappointed, it may be a matter of assuming it's your age rather than a life threatening, reversible medical issue.
I'd have to double check this, but testosterone may be a symptom of obesity as well. Once upon a time I remembered all my medical knowledge. Those were good days.
"But I have long ago separated myself from identifying with his choices."
That there, is an eminently quotable phrase, m'dear.
His refusing started long before his obesity but I do agree with your general assessment.
And yes, obesity will drive up a man's estrogen, which will decrease his testosterone through the complicated balance of hormones and use of hormone precursers.
Post by saarinista on Aug 18, 2020 13:44:56 GMT -5
I have always struggled with my weight because I'm short and not very athletic. I'll never be skinny, but I'm so used to being weight conscious trying to be semi attractive to men that I don't think I'll ever stop trying to eat less and exercise more.
I think some people who were thin as children gain weight as adults because they're not used to managing their food intake and obesity sneaks up on them. Once the fat takes hold, it's tough to get rid of.
Obesity may be a more fundamental public health crisis than any other thing in the US.
Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.
Post by flyingsolo on Aug 20, 2020 19:24:31 GMT -5
I'm not "overweight" (5'10" and about 198 lbs) but I've gradually put on about 10-20 more pounds than I want to carry now that I am pushing 50 and no longer playing soccer every week. These past few weeks I've started jumping on my mountain bike every morning and I ride 6-10 miles before work and it feels great to be doing something toward getting healthy and getting rid of some stress. Now two of my buddies have jumped onboard and in addition to riding alone, we meet once a week to ride somewhere together. I've decided that I'm not going to wait around on my wife anymore. We are still "working" on our marriage, but her unwillingness to discuss marital issues, sex, etc. and just discuss the day to day mundane stuff honestly has me a bit disinterested in whether we really fix things at this point. Honestly I just look at her some days and don't feel any attraction as she's pushed me so far away emotionally and physically. I seem to notice beautiful women everywhere these days and I'm pretty sure if our marriage doesn't work out, I'll find a few to date. In the meantime, I'm committed to getting into the best shape I am capable of at this point for my own health and self-esteem. Try jumping on a bike - low stress on the knees and legs, but you'll feel great after.
It’s good to hear from you flyingsolo. I’m glad you are focusing on your own health and doing something you enjoy. I’ve found exercise to be a great way to relieve stress. It’s funny- until recently, I never realized how mundane communication between my stbx and me actually was. When the intimacy is lost, so many other wonderful things are lost with it. Good Luck to you!
Post by workingonit on Aug 21, 2020 10:26:39 GMT -5
flyingsolo I was a bit worried anout your absence! Glad to hear at least some things are going well for you!
I also have found exercise to be essential for this whole process of emerging from this marriage and connecting to myself. Visible biceps and the start of visible abs (not there just yet but it is happening!) are a side bonus!
That's very overweight workingonit . That is health threatening and can't help his libido either. You must worry for him. 😕
Obese people often get atherosclerosis. Clogging blood vessels with fat plaques causes heart attacks, strokes and... impotence. Blood flow is important to all three critical organs.
If any of your ladies see your guy packin' on some pudge, maybe he doesn't care if he's gonna die, but impotence? That might be a motivating bogeyman.
A doctor told me several years ago that my high blood pressure could cause erectile dysfunction. This was before I found iliasm and started waking up. At the time, I almost said to him "What difference does it make since I rarely get to use it anyway?" I didn't say it, but now, I wish I had. That doctor moved on and I have been through several others since. They don't stay long at the medical center I go to, usually finding better career opportunities. Never had another doctor mention it.
Bits of me are dying but others are growing. One step at a time.
Post by lessingham on Sept 18, 2020 8:57:45 GMT -5
I am down to 169 pounds, the wife's diet is wirking wonders for me. I am now taking maca, ginsing and ginko tablets. They are probanly placebo but you never know. Although not used, a good erection is warming on winter night!!!
Post by flyingsolo on Nov 10, 2020 19:59:47 GMT -5
I got called a "bigger guy" the other day at the doctor's office when she was trying to tell me how much I should take in terms of pain meds. I got hurt in a soccer game. I am 5'10", about 198. Until about a month or two ago ago I was biking up to 16 miles a day, walking and playing soccer once a week. That's the first time in my life I've been called a "bigger guy". Now it makes me feel like I need to go lose about 25 pounds.
Last Edit: Nov 10, 2020 20:02:37 GMT -5 by flyingsolo
During one of my exercise bursts I joined an online support group. Being an older male and not wanting to look like a muscle man it was a women's exercise and wright group. They were accepting of me and that was nice. There was a few women talking about defensive fat. Basically they hated being wolf whistled or called out to in the street so added pounds to stop this. One confessed to losing a lot of weight but a strange man said, "wow, sexy lady" and she regained the weight. Maybe they should have been working on their inner self at the same time but it is a tragic thought that people do this to protect themselves.
Go to Google map,enter Tane Mahuta, use the Street View function and viola, Lots of trees on Hwy 12 in NZ. Lots of curves too.
edit to add
Just in case someone doesn't know about "Street View" once you have the area up on screen, click on the little yellow person on the bottom right of the Google map and place the yellow person on the blue part of a road and when a little picture opens up, you are in street view and can see what a 360degree camera recorded as a vehicle drove through an area. In some places people walked and recorded the area. In other places individuals took photos and linked them to the street view area of google Map.
Street view is a great way to travel from the comforts of home and a lot faster.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Happy Vernal Equinox....Be fruitful and multiply...
Mar 21, 2021 5:18:36 GMT -5
petrushka: Just attended a lecture on local history. Apparently the Presbyterian Scottish refugees who settled here called a 'frolic', what the Amish would call a 'barn raising'. First a working bee, then dancing and feasting.
Mar 25, 2021 22:43:53 GMT -5
jerri: Pressing the like sign for all those comments.
Mar 26, 2021 15:04:52 GMT -5
worksforme2: Lucked onto a great new source for breaking news----The Babylon Bee
Mar 28, 2021 12:47:45 GMT -5
catlover: The resentment is running high today
Mar 28, 2021 18:39:08 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Sorry, dude. I think resentment has been the fuel for action in some SMs. It can be part of a process, eventually helpful.
Mar 30, 2021 4:43:40 GMT -5
Handy: I just read "The Babylon Bee" article "Blockage Cleared, Ships Moving At Record Speed As Chick-Fil-A Workers Put In Charge Of Suez Canal." Good humor.
Mar 30, 2021 16:49:51 GMT -5
worksforme2: Freezing temps in the morning for the next 3 days= no peaches in the fall for me unless I buy them,... 2 yrs in a row...growing my own fruit has proven to be a losing proposition
Apr 1, 2021 16:32:30 GMT -5
Handy: Meet the Feebles=weird!
Apr 1, 2021 18:22:06 GMT -5
jerri: Lots of interesting comments. I am way behind. Sending hugs and a kiss on the cheek💋
Apr 8, 2021 0:11:19 GMT -5
roy: Hi All, I just joined, at 77. I've been in a sexless marriage for too many years ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:26:32 GMT -5
petrushka: G'day Roy, welcome to the place most of us don't want to be. I am sure you will find lots of interesting personal stories and comments and reactions on the forum. Don't be shy about jumping in to talks ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:47:25 GMT -5