I do worry for him. But I have long ago separated myself from identifying with his choices. I used to be embarassed for him, for example. I no longer am. He is making his own bad choices. I have offered help in every way you can imagine to no avail.
And mirrororchid I cannot imagine why he would care if he is impotent. I think he would be relieved to no longer have erections TBH.
Impotence doesn't necessarily cancel out libido. Non-refusers with atherosclerosis may suffer from this affliction. They may be so ashamed they become refusers. This may lead to personal neglect, and perhaps playing solitaire. If you cannot finish the job, but no one else is disappointed, it may be a matter of assuming it's your age rather than a life threatening, reversible medical issue.
I'd have to double check this, but testosterone may be a symptom of obesity as well. Once upon a time I remembered all my medical knowledge. Those were good days.
"But I have long ago separated myself from identifying with his choices."
That there, is an eminently quotable phrase, m'dear.
His refusing started long before his obesity but I do agree with your general assessment.
And yes, obesity will drive up a man's estrogen, which will decrease his testosterone through the complicated balance of hormones and use of hormone precursers.
Post by saarinista on Aug 18, 2020 13:44:56 GMT -5
I have always struggled with my weight because I'm short and not very athletic. I'll never be skinny, but I'm so used to being weight conscious trying to be semi attractive to men that I don't think I'll ever stop trying to eat less and exercise more.
I think some people who were thin as children gain weight as adults because they're not used to managing their food intake and obesity sneaks up on them. Once the fat takes hold, it's tough to get rid of.
Obesity may be a more fundamental public health crisis than any other thing in the US.
Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.
Post by flyingsolo on Aug 20, 2020 19:24:31 GMT -5
I'm not "overweight" (5'10" and about 198 lbs) but I've gradually put on about 10-20 more pounds than I want to carry now that I am pushing 50 and no longer playing soccer every week. These past few weeks I've started jumping on my mountain bike every morning and I ride 6-10 miles before work and it feels great to be doing something toward getting healthy and getting rid of some stress. Now two of my buddies have jumped onboard and in addition to riding alone, we meet once a week to ride somewhere together. I've decided that I'm not going to wait around on my wife anymore. We are still "working" on our marriage, but her unwillingness to discuss marital issues, sex, etc. and just discuss the day to day mundane stuff honestly has me a bit disinterested in whether we really fix things at this point. Honestly I just look at her some days and don't feel any attraction as she's pushed me so far away emotionally and physically. I seem to notice beautiful women everywhere these days and I'm pretty sure if our marriage doesn't work out, I'll find a few to date. In the meantime, I'm committed to getting into the best shape I am capable of at this point for my own health and self-esteem. Try jumping on a bike - low stress on the knees and legs, but you'll feel great after.
It’s good to hear from you flyingsolo. I’m glad you are focusing on your own health and doing something you enjoy. I’ve found exercise to be a great way to relieve stress. It’s funny- until recently, I never realized how mundane communication between my stbx and me actually was. When the intimacy is lost, so many other wonderful things are lost with it. Good Luck to you!
Post by workingonit on Aug 21, 2020 10:26:39 GMT -5
flyingsolo I was a bit worried anout your absence! Glad to hear at least some things are going well for you!
I also have found exercise to be essential for this whole process of emerging from this marriage and connecting to myself. Visible biceps and the start of visible abs (not there just yet but it is happening!) are a side bonus!
That's very overweight workingonit . That is health threatening and can't help his libido either. You must worry for him. 😕
Obese people often get atherosclerosis. Clogging blood vessels with fat plaques causes heart attacks, strokes and... impotence. Blood flow is important to all three critical organs.
If any of your ladies see your guy packin' on some pudge, maybe he doesn't care if he's gonna die, but impotence? That might be a motivating bogeyman.
A doctor told me several years ago that my high blood pressure could cause erectile dysfunction. This was before I found iliasm and started waking up. At the time, I almost said to him "What difference does it make since I rarely get to use it anyway?" I didn't say it, but now, I wish I had. That doctor moved on and I have been through several others since. They don't stay long at the medical center I go to, usually finding better career opportunities. Never had another doctor mention it.
Bits of me are dying but others are growing. One step at a time.
Post by lessingham on Sept 18, 2020 8:57:45 GMT -5
I am down to 169 pounds, the wife's diet is wirking wonders for me. I am now taking maca, ginsing and ginko tablets. They are probanly placebo but you never know. Although not used, a good erection is warming on winter night!!!
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5
jerri: Yuk on the plucking chicken feathers. If a chicken doesn't get sex and intimacy she just finds a beautiful cock sooner or later. I'd say there's a much higher "philandering" rate than anyone would care to admit. The rooster who is tormented findsa chicken!
Sept 10, 2020 8:23:56 GMT -5
csl: And yet, there is an entire segment of ILIASM stayers.
Sept 10, 2020 22:04:05 GMT -5
jerri: Exactly I have read multiple threads. I was very impressed with all the different solutions everyone has found. Intellectual group and the camaraderie is nice
Sept 11, 2020 9:44:57 GMT -5
Handy: What happened to being light outside until 9:30 PM? It is 7:30 PM and dark now.
Sept 20, 2020 20:46:01 GMT -5
jerri: It's not hot there? I am getting a slight break from the heat! Cheer up buddy!
Sept 21, 2020 0:27:37 GMT -5
petrushka: Well WE are getting closer to summer. Just passed Equinox. I expect the solar panels will start paying for themselves again in the near future. (over the last few months they have merely mitigated the power bills).
Sept 21, 2020 21:00:36 GMT -5
wewbwb: jerri the average intelligence of the end posts rose greatly since I stopped posting ! Hope allis well!
Sept 26, 2020 7:29:23 GMT -5
jerri: Don't be too busy to post. Come back, wewbwb! 💜
Sept 26, 2020 20:12:33 GMT -5
Handy: Jerri, you bring intelligence, so stop that nonsense.
Sept 26, 2020 20:19:03 GMT -5
Handy: petrushka, I saved a picture of your solar panels and shop from an old post of yours. I like what I saw. Best wishes on getting the photons, or particles of light, to knock electrons free from atoms.
Sept 28, 2020 1:09:41 GMT -5
jerri: Handy, that's a really great Podcast so far. Robert Glover)
Sept 28, 2020 15:33:24 GMT -5