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Post by 2019change on Jun 30, 2020 15:28:13 GMT -5
Our sex life has been dead many years and I stopped any pursuit or interesting in having a sexual relationship for a few years now. And we even had a talk at the time about me accepting the situation and I would find other ways to keep my self esteem up, vacations with friends, my own activities etc and she loved that she no longer had to deal with it. So all is set in our marriage.
Then last night something weird happened as we chatted, sex was briefly mentioned and I said 'It does help that I no longer have any sexual attraction to you anymore and just don't see you that way". I said this matter of factly, no malice or point to prove and she seemed taken aback and was upset that I no longer did and it was somehow a dent to her ego. I am not going to analyse it or worry about it. It was just odd blip that shows how this situation messes with people even if you think everything is sorted.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Jul 1, 2020 1:17:19 GMT -5
Funny how refusers still want you to be sexually attracted to them even after they repeatedly shoot down your attempts at physical love. Emotions and physical acts are linked. You can't go forever without one and expect the other not to eventually fade.
I wouldn't feel bad at all about saying what you did. It's just a natural consequence of her actions. And kudos to you for being open with her. Maybe now she has a small glimpse into your side of things for a change.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 1, 2020 6:29:57 GMT -5
Our sex life has been dead many years and I stopped any pursuit or interesting in having a sexual relationship for a few years now. And we even had a talk at the time about me accepting the situation and I would find other ways to keep my self esteem up, vacations with friends, my own activities etc and she loved that she no longer had to deal with it. So all is set in our marriage. Then last night something weird happened as we chatted, sex was briefly mentioned and I said 'It does help that I no longer have any sexual attraction to you anymore and just don't see you that way". I said this matter of factly, no malice or point to prove and she seemed taken aback and was upset that I no longer did and it was somehow a dent to her ego. I am not going to analyse it or worry about it. It was just odd blip that shows how this situation messes with people even if you think everything is sorted. Have you succeeded in finding "other ways to keep [your] self esteem up"? You're here, so maybe the self-esteem is good enough that you're looking after neglected parts of your life. The expression "channel your sexual energy into..." has long struck me as the sign of a defective human being. Even if it weren't utter nonsense, when you convert one form of energy to another, you always have waste and it's inefficient. (2nd law of thermodynamics) When you went on vacations with friends to build your self-esteem,were any in Las Vegas? "Bye honey! Have a good week! I'm off to the swingers and nymphomaniacs convention! I'll bring ya a T-shirt or whatever clothing they sell there." |
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Post by saarinista on Jul 1, 2020 17:59:23 GMT -5
2019change is everything sorted? The fact that you're posting leads me to think it's not. Are you going to live this way forever? Why or why not?
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Post by bozodeclowne on Jul 8, 2020 13:20:40 GMT -5
Is the "sorted" status more resignation than actual acceptance? That is the way I feel, and I wonder if it is a form of self-protection. We resign ourselves to the situation, while holding out some slim hope that our partners will one day see the light and things will change. In my case, that was a way to avoid the unpleasant truth, because if there was confirmation that the person closest to me no longer wanted me, who possibly would? Takes a bit of work to climb out of a hole like that.
Your wife's reaction is interesting. You have provided the sort of explicit confirmation that she probably never would. Why not? Is it fear? Fear of hurting you (as if she is not doing that already)? Fear that you may discover plenty of other women would love to be in a fulfilling relationship with a guy like you? Fear that confirmation would be the kick you'd need to realize you deserve far better? I understand not wanting to peel that onion. If you are determined to stay, there is no point. As you say, we see these odd blips from time to time.
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Post by 2019change on Aug 27, 2020 16:39:07 GMT -5
2019change is everything sorted? The fact that you're posting leads me to think it's not. Are you going to live this way forever? Why or why not? Yes everything is sorted. I only pop on here occasionally now and then and my story had just popped up that day so I shared. I live my life the way I want now without regret or getting mired in a sexless marriage and the mindset it seems to bring, so I am open change, let's see what the future brings... |
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