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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 27, 2020 5:52:07 GMT -5
We once drove from Richmond to Charleston. The Carolinas looked intersting but the tour guide would not stop. Even for a pit dtop at the lehendary South of the Border. Unless you are a dedicated collector of pottery, rustic patio furniture or dust catchers there isn't a lot I can think of to recommend to you about South of the Border. My dad once lived about 10 miles from it and my stepmom went there frequently, but rarely came home with anything.
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Post by lessingham on Jun 27, 2020 6:32:42 GMT -5
The Tripadvisor comments made it sound like a real life horror movie location.
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Post by Handy on Jun 27, 2020 8:37:07 GMT -5
I think I drove past "South of the Border" back in the 1960's. I didn't stop.
I did stop at "Wall Drug" in South Dakota. After reading hundreds of "Wall Drug" signs, needing as pee break and the "free ice" I just had to take a look.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 27, 2020 11:20:00 GMT -5
When my kids were young and we'd drive from Florida to New York state where my mom lived, we'd pay the kids for doing school workbooks, and one of the places they could spend their money was South of the Border. I'll never forget the fun they got out of a whoopie cushion they bought. Imagine how much fun that was for their parents!
There also is a motel there. You can stay in a bed with a big sombrero over it. I was never tempted to stay there.
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Post by lnj4500 on Jun 27, 2020 13:56:43 GMT -5
This really is a horrible situation. My husband works, but will do the LEAST amount of shit possible when it comes to our household. If it weren't for me managing the money, we'd be HOMELESS & DESTITUTE. I feel like, of you're gonna blow your whole check on senseless shit, at least give me sex! Or head! Or SOMETHING! Make me forget that you're ruining yourself financially & that I'm tied to you! I do everything around here & get no sexual gratification. He's a HUGE NARCISSIST that talks ONLY about himself...how great he is, how much people at work love him, how well he does his job....every sentence in his vocabulary includes the words, I, ME, MY.....Fuck!!!!!
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 27, 2020 14:55:42 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum Inj4500. It would seem you are also feeling pretty resentful. And it reads like you might have some good reasons. When you can find the time between managing the chores and saving the household from financial ruin fill us in a bit more on how things got this way and how long has it been going on.
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Post by Handy on Jun 28, 2020 0:40:14 GMT -5
Inj4500, sorry to hear your H is a NARCISSIST. That doesn't leave much for you.
Welcome to the ILIASM forum. This is a great place to be. Keep posting.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 29, 2020 6:04:07 GMT -5
This really is a horrible situation. My husband works, but will do the LEAST amount of shit possible when it comes to our household. If it weren't for me managing the money, we'd be HOMELESS & DESTITUTE. I feel like, of you're gonna blow your whole check on senseless shit, at least give me sex! Or head! Or SOMETHING! Make me forget that you're ruining yourself financially & that I'm tied to you! I do everything around here & get no sexual gratification. He's a HUGE NARCISSIST that talks ONLY about himself...how great he is, how much people at work love him, how well he does his job....every sentence in his vocabulary includes the words, I, ME, MY.....Fuck!!!!! I've had ideas of a spreadsheet that lists household chores. You set the urgency and frequency for each and it spits out who does what. 1 - Critical to be done 2 - Mandatory 3 - Highly Desired 4 - Pleasant 5 - Indifferent and 1 - Daily 2 - Twice a week 3 - Weekly 4 - Monthly 5 - Annually 6 - Unimportant The tasks then get ranked in order, from least despised to least favorite. The spreadsheet spits out what chore you do how often. The frequency of the less demanding spouse (for that chore) will be placed a rung below the higher demand spouse unless the chore is a least despised choice (top 20%). Then it matches the spouse's chosen frequency. Importance and hatred may lower frequency of the task for the more demanding spouse. (Dusting assigned once a month when he or she was doing it weekly.) The spreadsheet spits out a result beneath the more demanding spouses preferences, but sees a substantial improvement in spousal contribution. Truly thoughtless spouses won't even agree to do the spreadsheet rankings, I'd think. In case of complaints, you can peek at the one item you're complaining about. It may just be the more demanding spouse's job permanently because it was his #1 hated chore and he really cares nothing about it. Funny how this example is reverse-choreplay. "If you'd help with the house, I'd be less tired and we might have sex." Instead we have "I've done all the effing housework, I''m exhausted, I need a good pounding, you lazy bastard." As for destitution, sounds like lower expenses might help. Move to a smaller house with a walk-out basement. It can be his mancave. Install a kitchenette and shower. Voila! He's moved out without knowing it. Invite him upstairs for some fun or lock the door to the basement if you're having some without him.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 29, 2020 6:30:13 GMT -5
So my H decided to quit his job on Monday. I’m getting so tired of being EXPECTED to be the person responsible for making sure the bills are paid and food in the house. He does this every 2.5 to 3 years. He just quits. Now he gets to sit around and play his xbox all day while I’m busting my ass at work. He depends on me to take care of his every need, I’m surprised he can wipe his ass without me holding his hand. I get NOTHING out of this relationship. I told him he makes me feel worthless and used, that all I’m good for is keeping the bills paid. I’m stuck. He can’t take care of himself. I’ll never be free. When I had the final "talk", my ex sat passively as I told her I was no longer in love with her and that I wanted a divorce. She only broke down in tears when I told her she would have to get a job. She has since learned to take care of herself (albeit with 40 percent of her income coming from me in the form of child support). In two years, the child support will end and it will be up to her to figure things out after that. For her sake, I hope the 5 year ramp up period will have been sufficient, but that will be up to her. She will only get on her feet because there were consequences for her actions. What consequences has your husband had to deal with for quitting his job? It's not my place to suggest these, however, I would point out that if you subsidize something you tend to get more of it.
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Post by saarinista on Jun 29, 2020 17:32:26 GMT -5
Honestly, every adult in a marriage should be able to care for themselves alone. Otherwise, they have no business being in a marriage (and being jointly responsible for a spouse and children) in the first place!
Marriage is for grownups. Not leeches.
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Post by alwaysdenied on Jul 1, 2020 11:34:58 GMT -5
The only trap you're in is the one in your mind. I missed it if you said earlier, but are any kids involved? If so, then you are somewhat in a tight space but not trapped. As a female you have the courts and family services on your side traditionally. You just have to make a list of what you expect from your other team member and get on the same page. I'm not even speaking sexually because sex is a completely different animal to other demands.
Our #1 rule is you don't quit a job unless you are quitting it for another job you've been accepted for. Sometimes things happen that are just intolerable, however that is a rare thing not every job. Your husband isn't helpless... he's lazy and dependent on others. There is a difference. If no kids are involved, I would leave him yesterday and never look back. Life is too short and hard to carry yourself through, much less another mooch who is trying to wreck everything you are working for.
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