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Post by adixie4you2know on Jun 25, 2020 11:04:45 GMT -5
So my H decided to quit his job on Monday. I’m getting so tired of being EXPECTED to be the person responsible for making sure the bills are paid and food in the house. He does this every 2.5 to 3 years. He just quits. Now he gets to sit around and play his xbox all day while I’m busting my ass at work. He depends on me to take care of his every need, I’m surprised he can wipe his ass without me holding his hand. I get NOTHING out of this relationship. I told him he makes me feel worthless and used, that all I’m good for is keeping the bills paid. I’m stuck. He can’t take care of himself. I’ll never be free.
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Post by sadkat on Jun 25, 2020 11:54:36 GMT -5
So my H decided to quit his job on Monday. I’m getting so tired of being EXPECTED to be the person responsible for making sure the bills are paid and food in the house. He does this every 2.5 to 3 years. He just quits. Now he gets to sit around and play his xbox all day while I’m busting my ass at work. He depends on me to take care of his every need, I’m surprised he can wipe his ass without me holding his hand. I get NOTHING out of this relationship. I told him he makes me feel worthless and used, that all I’m good for is keeping the bills paid. I’m stuck. He can’t take care of himself. I’ll never be free. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I can imagine how frustrating it must be! I have a good friend who was in the exact same marriage you seem to be in. It took a lot of work, a lot of courage, a lot of therapy, and strong conviction that she is worth so much more, but she managed to escape that marriage. She is so much better off now. There is a way; you are NOT stuck. Take the first step and talk to someone who can help you see the way out.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 25, 2020 12:11:58 GMT -5
If memory serves me correctly you were at the old EP forum years ago. You posted a few times re: your SM and then you ghosted the site. This is a different problem as compared to a SM. You know you can deal with deadbeats much more easily than with some who has no desire for you sexually. It reads like you have no children so I don't know why you are stuck. Give us the reasoning on that. What would I do? It would be a bit of a hassle but you could just have the power turned off. Get a wind up clock to wake you in the morning. Take your baths at a relatives or friends house. Do the laundry at a laundry mat. Recharge your electronics at work or the library. Eat out to get a hot meal and let your H eat cold food out of a can. Make being at home all day way less enjoyable than being at work. If you really are a "dixie" chick you won't put up with this kind of crap. Draw a line in the sand.
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Post by csl on Jun 25, 2020 14:28:34 GMT -5
So my H decided to quit his job on Monday. I’m getting so tired of being EXPECTED to be the person responsible for making sure the bills are paid and food in the house. He does this every 2.5 to 3 years. He just quits. Now he gets to sit around and play his xbox all day while I’m busting my ass at work. He depends on me to take care of his every need, I’m surprised he can wipe his ass without me holding his hand. I get NOTHING out of this relationship. I told him he makes me feel worthless and used, that all I’m good for is keeping the bills paid. I’m stuck. He can’t take care of himself. I’ll never be free. Change the locks on the door. Xbox and suitcase on the porch. Net gain? One less sloth in your life.
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Post by adixie4you2know on Jun 25, 2020 15:26:29 GMT -5
If memory serves me correctly you were at the old EP forum years ago. You posted a few times re: your SM and then you ghosted the site. This is a different problem as compared to a SM. You know you can deal with deadbeats much more easily than with some who has no desire for you sexually. It reads like you have no children so I don't know why you are stuck. Give us the reasoning on that. What would I do? It would be a bit of a hassle but you could just have the power turned off. Get a wind up clock to wake you in the morning. Take your baths at a relatives or friends house. Do the laundry at a laundry mat. Recharge your electronics at work or the library. Eat out to get a hot meal and let your H eat cold food out of a can. Make being at home all day way less enjoyable than being at work. If you really are a "dixie" chick you won't put up with this kind of crap. Draw a line in the sand. I’m very much in a sexless marriage. This is just the icing on the cake. Yes I was on the old ep I didn’t post much but would go to read stories often (as I do here) to not feel so alone. He makes me feel unwanted and unloved. Like I’m worth no more than a pay check. He is incapable of caring for himself. He has no where else to go. This leaves me feeling stuck.
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Post by Handy on Jun 25, 2020 15:39:37 GMT -5
Adixie4you2know He is incapable of caring for himself. He has no where else to go. This leaves me feeling stuck. That statement is a common one. The truth is the more you do for your H, the less he will do for himself. It is one of the Alanon main points. Yes, Al-anon isn't only for spouses of alcoholics, but to show people like you that Bailing out someone is making you be in a trap that you helped to create. There are lots of people that "do too much" for other people thinking it is the kind or right thing to do. In reality it teaches the other person just how much they can get away with and in many cases creates a dependency on other people when they should be doing stuff for them-self. If your H quit jobs every so often, consider me having a full time job and 2 part time jobs for most of my life and my W didn't work until much later in the marriage and then she only worked 1/2 time and spent all of her income on herself. I am just saying I am the opposite of your H. Once I took a 2 week vacation time from my old job to tryout a new job just in case the new job didn't work out.
Anyway, best wishes and a cyber hug on what ever you decide to do.
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Post by adixie4you2know on Jun 25, 2020 15:52:12 GMT -5
Oh and by the way I was born and raised in the south. North Carolina to be exact. And my middle name is Dixie, can’t get much more country than that lol.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 25, 2020 16:01:31 GMT -5
Oh and by the way I was born and raised in the south. North Carolina to be exact. And my middle name is Dixie, can’t get much more country than that lol. It's been a long time since someone else from NC has posted. I felt like the lone ranger for a long time. And explain how it is that he is incapable of caring for himself. He has apparently held a # of jobs as you state he quits every few years for a period of time and then returns to gainful employment. Is he high functioning developmentally challenged?
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 25, 2020 23:18:01 GMT -5
Let your frustration motivate you, adixie4you2know. Don't shut down over this. Whether you go through with it, or not, you need an exit plan. Tomorrow morning, call up a lawyer and get an appointment, or even talk on the phone if that works. Explain your situation and figure out what your options are. Most lawyers will give you half an hour before the meter starts running. But, you need to know where you stand right now. In Illinois, where I went through my divorce, income is everything, and the more you make the more you give away, and the longer the marriage the longer you pay. Don't support this guy any more than you have to.
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Post by baza on Jun 26, 2020 5:36:18 GMT -5
I wouldn't worry too much about your parasite spouse and his future Sister adixie4you2know . He will have a new victim lined up to replace you in no time at all. You might be best served by concentrating on your potential future, and offloading the parasite as the start of that process.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 26, 2020 6:22:11 GMT -5
So my H decided to quit his job on Monday. I’m getting so tired of being EXPECTED to be the person responsible for making sure the bills are paid and food in the house. He does this every 2.5 to 3 years. He just quits. Now he gets to sit around and play his xbox all day while I’m busting my ass at work. He depends on me to take care of his every need, I’m surprised he can wipe his ass without me holding his hand. I get NOTHING out of this relationship. I told him he makes me feel worthless and used, that all I’m good for is keeping the bills paid. I’m stuck. He can’t take care of himself. I’ll never be free. medium.com/love-the-single-parent/5-warning-signs-that-youre-losing-yourself-in-a-relationship-ae0745254c12Your 'situation' sounds very familiar to many posts on here, it comes down to giving and taking. Who is the giver in this relationship? And who is the taker? The giver, eventually, runs out of things to give (time, energy, love, respect, truth, finances, etc...) and realizes that they (the giver) need to be recharged (fueled) as well. You can only live on crumbs for so long. Meanwhile the taker, continues to take, take, take,... the more they get the more they expect it to be the normal. You, the giver, are enabling them. Feed a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Some people ( men and women) simply refuse to learn to fish and continue to get others to feed them their entire lives.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 26, 2020 17:17:19 GMT -5
So my H decided to quit his job on Monday. I’m getting so tired of being EXPECTED to be the person responsible for making sure the bills are paid and food in the house. He does this every 2.5 to 3 years. He just quits. Now he gets to sit around and play his xbox all day while I’m busting my ass at work. He depends on me to take care of his every need, I’m surprised he can wipe his ass without me holding his hand. I get NOTHING out of this relationship. I told him he makes me feel worthless and used, that all I’m good for is keeping the bills paid. I’m stuck. He can’t take care of himself. I’ll never be free. No one has asked, so I will. Working 2 or 3 years ain't all that bad. How long did it take him to get a new one? Was it you badgering him the whole time (I'm guessing yes, by your impatient demeanor.) I'm expecting to hear a good four or five month vaca in between. I tend to think of deadbeats as quitting after two or three weeks then take that four five month vaca. If it weren't sexless on top of everything, I'd be inclined to negotiate an equity agreement in the house so your outsized contribution could be reflected and your work rewarded properly. Your retirement might include travelling. His will involve....more Xbox. Maybe get a renter to make ends meet. Someone good looking. Helpful around the house. Takes you dancing. Doesn't make too much noise when he's pumping iron before work.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 26, 2020 17:23:21 GMT -5
No one has asked, so I will. Working 2 or 3 years ain't all that bad. How long did it take him to get a new one? Maybe get a renter to make ends meet. Someone good looking. Helpful around the house. Takes you dancing. Doesn't make too much noise when he's pumping iron before work. I would be thinking more along the lines of getting someone who would be pumping her before going to work. But that's just me thinking out loud.
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 27, 2020 4:08:09 GMT -5
Oh and by the way I was born and raised in the south. North Carolina to be exact. And my middle name is Dixie, can’t get much more country than that lol. It's been a long time since someone else from NC has posted. I felt like the lone ranger for a long time. kimosabi, I'm here too. That makes 3 now. Dixie, you are so patient with your h and his xbox. I'm sorry that you are even more stressed during these tough times.
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Post by lessingham on Jun 27, 2020 5:34:09 GMT -5
We once drove from Richmond to Charleston. The Carolinas looked intersting but the tour guide would not stop. Even for a pit dtop at the lehendary South of the Border.
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