So, after 4 or 5 years of swinging from being certain I was going to ask for a divorce, to being certain I could fix the relationship, I have eventually plucked up the courage to book an appointment with a lawyer to discuss where I stand. It feels like I am finally taking some positive steps and not just thinking about it any more, it's like a psychological hurdle and making it feel more real and I actually feel very good and relaxed about it.
It's an hour long appointment next week (via Zoom for social distancing), and it's costing me a lot of money. I thought that I would be better off paying than trying one of the 'free' services so I can use a solicitor I trust. I have sent all my family and financial details by email and the solicitor has asked me to prepare any questions I want to ask.
I'm trying to think what I need to know and other than how I stand financially I'm not really sure what I need to ask. I'm not a big spender and money doesn't really matter to me as long as I have enough to live on, although we do have quite substantial savings, so actually as long as I'm not taken for a complete ride then that's all I need to know. The kids are teenagers so I presume it will be up to them who they spend their time with.
Post by ironhamster on Jun 14, 2020 3:31:53 GMT -5
If you want time with your kids, put that in writing for how much time you expect to get.
I expected my kids to visit regularly, and perhaps even spend summers with me. Nope. My ex can feed them subtle negative lines about me day in and day out. After that, they don't voluntarily want to spend time with me, and I can't force them to do so.
Post by ironhamster on Jun 14, 2020 3:39:30 GMT -5
Know what the law requires you to pay in support, and, for how long.
Ask if you were to delay filing for, say, three years, what steps could you take to maximize your position.
In Illinois, one precedent was that if you left one job for another, alimony could be set according to your new income instead of your previous three years. In theory, a high wage spouse could give up a lucrative job and start delivering pizzas, and alimony would drop accordingly.
Ask if you should get your spouse back in the workforce. I am sure the answer will be "yes."
Post by worksforme2 on Jun 14, 2020 5:34:12 GMT -5
Perhaps the easiest approach might be to simply "google" questions to ask a divorce lawyer. That's what I did initially before seeing my 1st attorney to discuss divorce. Try to keep in mind any unique aspects your marriage may have those others don't, other than being sexless.
My suggestion is don’t see just one solicitor. Three will give you a better rounding of knowledge, both because they come at it from different perspectives and because you will have different questions to ask after having seen one or two others. Nobody says you have to hire the ones who offer a free initial session if you don’t think they’re qualified.
mirrororchid: Thanks, Isthisit. Celebrating the day we broke from the UK and chose to govern ourselves! Looking like a less good idea the last 50 years, but a little late. The Brits might say, "No backsies."
Jul 7, 2021 18:03:59 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, How is your knee replacement recovery going?
Jul 15, 2021 0:22:34 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hope you are OK Tamara 68.....
Jul 16, 2021 11:11:59 GMT -5
petrushka: Handy it is going. Still painful. First session with the physio yesterday and he was enthusiastic about my range of movement, and says many people never even get that far after the full 6 weeks physio. OK, I'll take it ;-) but it still hurts. A lot.
Jul 16, 2021 15:58:37 GMT -5
petrushka: I was concerned about some things, like how far I can [not] lift my leg, straightened, but he allayed my worries on that account. Seems I'm not at all behind the curve.
Jul 16, 2021 16:02:27 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, I am happy to hear your range of motion is still decent. My W had knee surgery so I was aware of at least most of her rehabilitation difficulties. Yes, it still hurts big time for you but seeing my W's recovery, it takes time and exercising.
Jul 16, 2021 17:05:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: I hope everyone is well! Thought I would share that I am still having a blast outsourcing. I now have a regular fuck buddy and she is great. Same situation as me but a few years younger. In fact, her sex drive is crazier than mine and stranger.
Jul 16, 2021 21:50:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: Hi all. I thought I’d just share I am still having a blast — I now have a regular fuck buddy. She is younger by 6 years and full of energy and into fetishes-she likes to “force” me to have sex in public places —I love it.
Jul 16, 2021 21:54:49 GMT -5
tamara68: worksforme2: I am ok, thank you. The floods in Belgium are about 50 or 60 miles from where I live. The worst floods in decades.
Jul 17, 2021 8:54:44 GMT -5
Handy: I looked up several pages about the European floods and I saw pictures of what were possibly small streams before the floods but with all of the rain, became fast moving rivers that overflow the river banks and took everything for a wild ride.
Jul 19, 2021 15:13:23 GMT -5
petrushka: Oh man, if a river excavates 20-30 feet DOWN you have a bit of a weather event on your hands all right!
Jul 19, 2021 21:39:01 GMT -5