So, after 4 or 5 years of swinging from being certain I was going to ask for a divorce, to being certain I could fix the relationship, I have eventually plucked up the courage to book an appointment with a lawyer to discuss where I stand. It feels like I am finally taking some positive steps and not just thinking about it any more, it's like a psychological hurdle and making it feel more real and I actually feel very good and relaxed about it.
It's an hour long appointment next week (via Zoom for social distancing), and it's costing me a lot of money. I thought that I would be better off paying than trying one of the 'free' services so I can use a solicitor I trust. I have sent all my family and financial details by email and the solicitor has asked me to prepare any questions I want to ask.
I'm trying to think what I need to know and other than how I stand financially I'm not really sure what I need to ask. I'm not a big spender and money doesn't really matter to me as long as I have enough to live on, although we do have quite substantial savings, so actually as long as I'm not taken for a complete ride then that's all I need to know. The kids are teenagers so I presume it will be up to them who they spend their time with.
Post by ironhamster on Jun 14, 2020 3:31:53 GMT -5
If you want time with your kids, put that in writing for how much time you expect to get.
I expected my kids to visit regularly, and perhaps even spend summers with me. Nope. My ex can feed them subtle negative lines about me day in and day out. After that, they don't voluntarily want to spend time with me, and I can't force them to do so.
Post by ironhamster on Jun 14, 2020 3:39:30 GMT -5
Know what the law requires you to pay in support, and, for how long.
Ask if you were to delay filing for, say, three years, what steps could you take to maximize your position.
In Illinois, one precedent was that if you left one job for another, alimony could be set according to your new income instead of your previous three years. In theory, a high wage spouse could give up a lucrative job and start delivering pizzas, and alimony would drop accordingly.
Ask if you should get your spouse back in the workforce. I am sure the answer will be "yes."
Post by worksforme2 on Jun 14, 2020 5:34:12 GMT -5
Perhaps the easiest approach might be to simply "google" questions to ask a divorce lawyer. That's what I did initially before seeing my 1st attorney to discuss divorce. Try to keep in mind any unique aspects your marriage may have those others don't, other than being sexless.
My suggestion is don’t see just one solicitor. Three will give you a better rounding of knowledge, both because they come at it from different perspectives and because you will have different questions to ask after having seen one or two others. Nobody says you have to hire the ones who offer a free initial session if you don’t think they’re qualified.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5