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Post by marrieddad123 on Apr 25, 2020 9:07:03 GMT -5
Just joined but have read quite a few posts already. I'll give a bit of background...
When we first got together, sex was regular, intense and exciting. Was able to be open about my fantasies, the main one being I wanted to share her in a hot wife scenario with other guys.
She didn't run a mile, and I still gave a strong urge for this to happen. We came close on a couple of occasions in 1st 3 years, but she always got cold feet.
Have had 2 kids since then, and sex drive fell off a cliff as well as any hope of realising my fantasy. I'm assured it will never happen.
I'm of the mentality that you only live once. This is an experience I'm determined to have before I'm too old to have it. Sex is sporadic, can be large intervals of time where it doesn't happen, and this is also killing me.
I have 10 years left or so where I'm still attractive enough to find someone else, who will have sex with me but also commit to exploring this fantasy.
Sounds whiny and selfish but I want to hear what people think about this type of fantasy, as well as breaking free from a marriage that has very low sex and intimacy.
Life is short. I want a threesome.
Come at me!
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DrNo
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by DrNo on Apr 25, 2020 11:03:58 GMT -5
Plenty will give you very good answers to your question on threesome and indeed the other points you raise.
Would you be able to keep it a fantasy? or would it become a staple I wonder? Is the "desire" a better turn on than the real thing (I'm pondering there).
It does sounds, very much like my own relationship, that you and your wife have different viewpoints on the sexual side of the relationship, as happens to a lot of people post marriage, kids, time .. etc.
I look forward to reading what others say in reply.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 25, 2020 12:05:05 GMT -5
How old are your children? How frequently do you have sex? What are the good things about your marriage?
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Post by Handy on Apr 25, 2020 14:14:43 GMT -5
marrieddad123 you can have any fantasy you want but that doesn't mean you are entitled to that fantacy.
I am on your wife's side on the "hot wife fantasy," To me it is a very bad idea and a selfish idea.
Sexuality means different things to people and if you insist on the "hot wife" fantasy, your W just might lose all respect for you. The "hot wife" thing is a good way to fuck up your relationship with your wife. Several couples get divorced over this issue.
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Post by baza on Apr 25, 2020 18:17:47 GMT -5
I'll stick to this bit, where you seek input on - "breaking free from a marriage that has very low sex and intimacy" Brother marrieddad123 First, see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. Then, within those legal parameters, start putting together an exit strategy, and knock it in to do-able status. Shore up your support network to help you through this grueling process. Research everything you can find in regard to shepherding your kids through such an event. In other words, get your own shit sorted out, and make sure you are making this choice on a fully informed basis. I think the 3some issue is a complete side-bar to the main event here.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 25, 2020 19:24:34 GMT -5
What do you mean”very low” sexual frequency? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year?
Sex frequency goes down for most people when kids are 0-3. Are your kids in that age group? I’m also wondering if you are fixated on a threesome because you are feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities that come with parenting 2 kids especially with the financial uncertainty and stress of the pandemic. With social distancing being widespread now it seems odd to be focusing on a threesome.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 25, 2020 19:54:28 GMT -5
At this point in your marriage I'd say if you want a 3 some, hire a pro and have her bring a friend. Given that your W has never been very enthusiastic about the idea and only your coercion has pushed her close to it, I'd have to predict that if it ever came to fruition the aftermath probably would not be worth the experience. I don't see how it could add anything positive to the marriage since you seem to be the only one interested. I have found that if a woman isn't keen on trying something of a kinky sexual nature, it usually is in a man's best interest to let that something go by the wayside. Insisting or forcing someone to participate in a fetish or kink isn't conducive to success long term in my experience. And I will be honest with you, it comes across as pretty selfish on your end.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 25, 2020 20:06:16 GMT -5
Note, works4me, he wants a 3 some with his wife and a man.... speaking just for me, if my guy wanted that, I’d figure he was fsu and that would completely turn me off. I’ve read that men interested in those kind of threesomes are imagining themselves being sexed by the other man.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 25, 2020 20:53:50 GMT -5
Note, works4me, he wants a 3 some with his wife and a man.... speaking just for me, if my guy wanted that, I’d figure he was fsu and that would completely turn me off. I’ve read that men interested in those kind of threesomes are imagining themselves being sexed by the other man. fsu,,,?
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 25, 2020 22:11:02 GMT -5
Damn spellcheck. I was trying to write “gay” not “fsu”.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 25, 2020 22:47:02 GMT -5
“ I'm of the mentality that you only live once. This is an experience I'm determined to have before I'm too old to have it. Sex is sporadic, can be large intervals of time where it doesn't happen, and this is also killing me.
I have 10 years left or so where I'm still attractive enough to find someone else, who will have sex with me but also commit to exploring this fantasy. ”
?? I’m 68 and have hot sex with my 68 year old partner whom I’ve been with for 7 years. I also get hit on as does he. I know people even older than us who have hot sex. I’m not into threesomes except as fantasy so don’t know if people I know are having them. But sex, lust and attractiveness doesn’t have to disappear with age. What’s your hurry? Has having kids made you feel over the hill?
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Post by ScottDinTN on Apr 26, 2020 1:25:34 GMT -5
A MFM threesome doesn't have to be a gay thing. It can be all hands on her if done right. Or tag team.
But trying to get a woman that rarely wants sex with you to agree to this is doubtful. Those not open to kinks/fetishes are often discusted by them. That is the case with my wife. It turns her stomach.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 26, 2020 8:20:26 GMT -5
Note, works4me, he wants a 3 some with his wife and a man.... speaking just for me, if my guy wanted that, I’d figure he was fsu and that would completely turn me off. I’ve read that men interested in those kind of threesomes are imagining themselves being sexed by the other man. OK,..If you are correct then the "friend" the pro brings with her could just as easily be a male. My thoughts are that he is probably not gay. I have had 3 somes with MFM and it was strictly double teaming the woman. If he is thinking "hot wife" then it reads to me more likely a cockhold than gay scenario.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 27, 2020 10:30:32 GMT -5
When we first got together, sex was regular, intense and exciting. Was able to be open about my fantasies, the main one being I wanted to share her in a hot wife scenario with other guys. [...] Have had 2 kids since then, and sex drive fell off a cliff as well as any hope of realising my fantasy. I'm assured it will never happen. [...] Sex is sporadic, can be large intervals of time where it doesn't happen, and this is also killing me. [...] a marriage that has very low sex and intimacy. Life is short. I want a threesome. I've had quite a bit of married experience in this arena, marrieddad123, in various forms, roles and iterations and also in the constext of an intimacy averse marriage. In my case, I was not the one driving it - but I agreed to it as an alternative to what wasn't happening in my marriage as was. I'm not sure that anyone can be told this, but I think in hindsight, years from now - you will find retrospective benefit in parsing your problem differently - into different sections. It is apparent that you have an intimacy averse marriage. That itself is its own issue, and that issue can likely be explored throughout the countless stories and advice on this board. When people encounter a sustained scarcity, there can be all kinds of reactions. To it. In "hotwife" scenarios, the husband eroticizes his wife's sexual appetite as a desirable attribute on its own. Where it crosses into cuckoldry, there are elements of submission and dominance play - in which a partner eroticizes the role-played feeling of helplessness in the face of humiliation. As with all BDSM scenarios - this is like a bunjee jump of trust - or a roller coaster ride - in which the thrill of non-acceptance is explored safely, with all the participants on the "inside" of the scenario. Rewinding and speaking broadly about your own situation, it seems your fantasy pre-dated the marriage, so it's not likely a reaction to scarcity. What comes across to me based on what you wrote is that you are looking for a sense of sexual adventure and play that includes your wife. Meanwhile, your wife does not view you as a sexual partner, and also does not see such adventure (at least the part that includes you), as compatible with her intended lifestyle or marriage. As a warning: frequently when the initial skirmish on a non-monogamous arrangement are floated (and often shut down before the idea is fleshed out in depth and specifics), the partner it is pitched to chooses to take it as tacit permission to CHEAT - and that is NOT what's on offer. If you haven't, and you aren't ok with her simply cheating and finding someone independently, you'd best have an in depth discussion to ensure she is clear about what's NOT on offer. Cheating is about the worst possible way to begin such a lifestyle or fantasy successfully. If you haven't solved the low intimacy problem before the guest is invited - and you aren't a cuckold (and she's not into playing her part as your cuckoldress with intentionality - enjoying it and playing it up to tease you), then you will simply see it extended into your new arrangement - with added humiliation. There is a HUGE difference in meaning attached to the same physical act between the three of you - when you realize that your witnessing or participation or knowledge of it is not adding any value (or is unappreciated) vs your contribution being enjoyed as part of the experience.
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Post by saarinista on Apr 27, 2020 18:31:08 GMT -5
Damn spellcheck. I was trying to write “gay” not “fsu”. Florida state fan? 😀😏Lol
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