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Post by adixie4you2know on Mar 26, 2020 14:33:57 GMT -5
My h basically told me he’d rather sell all his belongings and live on the streets than have sex with me. We’ve been married for 23 years. I take care of his every need. He wants for nothing. I work 6 days a week 50+ hours a week. I come home from work and make sure dinner is ready when her gets home. If he needs/wants anything from a store I get it for him, he never has to do any shopping. I pay all the bills. He lives a very comfortable life. He does work. He pays his car note(he got a brand new car on our 23rd anniversary) and he does give me a little grocery money but he keeps the majority of his check for himself. He had a very nice loud system installed in his new car, he has a very nice gun collection, game systems, probably close to 500 dvds(when I was looking for our house I made sure it had built ins for his collection) he gets to spend the money he makes in himself. I can’t believe he said he’d quit his job, sell all his belongings and live on the street. What is so terrible about having sex with me that he’d give up his comfortable life? When we do have sex it’s when he wants which is roughly once every two months. No kissing. No touching other than penis in vagina. I give him oral every time, he expects it but never gives it. He makes me feel so disgusting and worthless. I just don’t understand what’s so bad about me. I shower and shave every day. I keep myself clean and fresh but yet I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this life. I’m a good person. I help people and never ask for anything in return. I’ve been a good wife to him and mother to our daughter. My self esteem has been destroyed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok.
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Post by rdp62 on Mar 26, 2020 15:12:02 GMT -5
I am so sorry and I am sure you are worth so much more than how you are being treated. This is emotional abuse and beyond sexless.
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Post by csl on Mar 26, 2020 15:31:18 GMT -5
My h basically told me he’d rather sell all his belongings and live on the streets than have sex with me. We’ve been married for 23 years. I take care of his every need. He wants for nothing. I work 6 days a week 50+ hours a week. I come home from work and make sure dinner is ready when her gets home. If he needs/wants anything from a store I get it for him, he never has to do any shopping. I pay all the bills. He lives a very comfortable life. He does work. He pays his car note(he got a brand new car on our 23rd anniversary) and he does give me a little grocery money but he keeps the majority of his check for himself. He had a very nice loud system installed in his new car, he has a very nice gun collection, game systems, probably close to 500 dvds(when I was looking for our house I made sure it had built ins for his collection) he gets to spend the money he makes in himself. I can’t believe he said he’d quit his job, sell all his belongings and live on the street. What is so terrible about having sex with me that he’d give up his comfortable life? When we do have sex it’s when he wants which is roughly once every two months. No kissing. No touching other than penis in vagina. I give him oral every time, he expects it but never gives it. He makes me feel so disgusting and worthless. I just don’t understand what’s so bad about me. I shower and shave every day. I keep myself clean and fresh but yet I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this life. I’m a good person. I help people and never ask for anything in return. I’ve been a good wife to him and mother to our daughter. My self esteem has been destroyed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok. You have married a sloth. Quick remedy is to box up his stuff and change the locks. As much as I am for marriage, I hate slugs, and this is one major slug. Put him on the street; that's where he belongs, for your sake and for your daughter's sake.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 26, 2020 20:50:11 GMT -5
I truly don't get it, I would LOVE to have a wife like you. My wife and your husband would get along great, no sex wanted by either one.
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Post by sadkat on Mar 26, 2020 21:14:28 GMT -5
adixie4you2know. I’m very sorry. That is quite hurtful and hateful. It sounds to me that h has lost respect for you and feels he can do what he wants with no repercussions. He’s not a good man. Take your life back. Stop hurrying home every night to make him dinner. Don’t make special trips to the store to buy him anything. Concentrate your efforts on taking care of yourself and your daughter. Make him take care of himself.
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Post by Handy on Mar 26, 2020 23:47:51 GMT -5
Adixie4you2know My self esteem has been destroyed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be OK. The problem is not you. The problem is your H. You do 10 to 100 times more for your H than my W does for me. Some people are takers and self centered (your H and my W)
You will be OK once you recognize your own personal worth and do something about it. It took me a long time to follow my own advice. You can get there!
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Post by baza on Mar 27, 2020 3:37:27 GMT -5
What you describe in your posts back in to 2016 up to now, is one of you being married to a parasitic leech.
I think that your problem is - "being married to a parasitic leech" - NOT "being in a sexless marriage".
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Post by lessingham on Mar 27, 2020 4:48:20 GMT -5
When I was with my therapist and described my Cinderela lifestyle and eished that my wife and son would help, she repkied, "why should they, they have it made." Your husband is on easy street so ehy would he change? He spends his money, he gets meals, he gets a hone and as much video time as he cares for. I hear you can get an inflatable that turns the back seat to a bed. Throw him out to l8ve in his car.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 27, 2020 4:55:53 GMT -5
My h basically told me he’d rather sell all his belongings and live on the streets than have sex with me. We’ve been married for 23 years. I take care of his every need. He wants for nothing. I work 6 days a week 50+ hours a week. I come home from work and make sure dinner is ready when her gets home. If he needs/wants anything from a store I get it for him, he never has to do any shopping. I pay all the bills. He lives a very comfortable life. He does work. He pays his car note(he got a brand new car on our 23rd anniversary) and he does give me a little grocery money but he keeps the majority of his check for himself. He had a very nice loud system installed in his new car, he has a very nice gun collection, game systems, probably close to 500 dvds(when I was looking for our house I made sure it had built ins for his collection) he gets to spend the money he makes in himself. I can’t believe he said he’d quit his job, sell all his belongings and live on the street. What is so terrible about having sex with me that he’d give up his comfortable life? When we do have sex it’s when he wants which is roughly once every two months. No kissing. No touching other than penis in vagina. I give him oral every time, he expects it but never gives it. He makes me feel so disgusting and worthless. I just don’t understand what’s so bad about me. I shower and shave every day. I keep myself clean and fresh but yet I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this life. I’m a good person. I help people and never ask for anything in return. I’ve been a good wife to him and mother to our daughter. My self esteem has been destroyed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok. What you have done, is allow what he is doing to you. You need to realize that you are worth a lot more. Leave him. Look after yourself. You can start a new life.
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 27, 2020 5:26:11 GMT -5
adixie4you2know, change is hard. You have given your husband everything he wants, and, apparently a lot more. He has made it clear he is not going to change to meet your needs. The ball is in your court. If he'd rather sell his things and live on the street, as he says, then it is time to talk to a lawyer to arrange that. Most attorneys will give you the first half hour for free. You have two futures possible. You keep doing what you are doing and getting what you are getting, or you don't. Speaking as one that chose the latter option, I do believe there are a lot of men on the market that would love you and what you have to offer. I know this sucks. You are lucky, though. He has a recent work history and resources, so you won't be clobbered by alimony payments like I am. It seems to me that the only real problem you have is him.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 27, 2020 10:20:10 GMT -5
The problem is you are choosing to remain married to a parasitic leech. Your life, your choice.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 27, 2020 10:31:10 GMT -5
Adixie4you2know My self esteem has been destroyed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be OK. The problem is not you. The problem is your H. You do 10 to 100 times more for your H than my W does for me. Some people are takers and self centered (your H and my W)
You will be OK once you recognize your own personal worth and do something about it. It took me a long time to follow my own advice. You can get there!
Many of us who have come to this forum have been trained and /or conditioned our whole lives to be codependent. To live a life full of contentment for crumbs. To feel unworthy and guilty of self esteem, self gratification, Some cultures are sadly based on one gender being held much higher than the other. Allow me to say adixie4you2know that "you are a victim". However there is that other % where part of this is self inflicted. This can be the hardest part of all to overcome. The good news is that codependency FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) CAN BE Changed, Overcome, and Healed! And that you are seeing these things by yourself! Small steps. These small steps will and do seem like GIANT leaps of faith and change but they do get easier! Here's to new beginnings!
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Post by saarinista on Mar 27, 2020 22:42:55 GMT -5
There's only one thing that will make your life better. See an attorney and split the assets legally before he sells stuff and spends the money, reducing your marital assets.
He is a mean, selfish man. Not a real husband.
You might see a therapist too to see why you put up with his abuse.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Mar 28, 2020 6:13:22 GMT -5
I'm sorry that you have had to go through all of this. Living with him all these years and especially having to hear this hateful comment.
There comes a point in all SM that we have an "I've had it!" moment. I think you just had yours. Here's the advice I would give:
1. You need to stop seeing yourself through his eyes. Your self worth shouldn't come from him. You are worth far more than you know! I'd love to have a wife like you. He's an idiot!
2. You need to realize that you are an enabler. They are the nicest people in the world but often let people treat them like crap. You need ongoing counseling to change this in yourself or you will keep getting the treatment you've been getting from him and probably others in your life as well.
3. If you choose to stay at all, you need to cut him off. Never have sex with him again, stop cooking for this dick, don't do anything for him. You can't reward this type of behavior any longer. It sounds like he has separated from you. It's time for you to do the same.
4. I fall into the category of those here where most things are ok except for the sex. It's why I have chosen to stay for a few more years. It is clear to me you are in an abusive relationship. Others here have said to kick him out. I don't think he will leave and I doubt you emotionally will be able to force him out. You should go to a women's abuse shelter TODAY to get counseling and support so you can plan your exit. Leave as soon as possible!
I wish I could give you a big hug. I know your heart is breaking. I think in the future, you will look back on this as the day the "switch flipped". And hopefully it will also be the day you started making decisions for your own good, not his, and chose to start following a different path away from him.
You can have a better life! You are worthy of being loved and cherished! Tell yourself that every moment of every day until you start believing it!
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Post by michael on Mar 28, 2020 15:53:48 GMT -5
My h basically told me he’d rather sell all his belongings and live on the streets than have sex with me. We’ve been married for 23 years. I take care of his every need. He wants for nothing. I work 6 days a week 50+ hours a week. I come home from work and make sure dinner is ready when her gets home. If he needs/wants anything from a store I get it for him, he never has to do any shopping. I pay all the bills. He lives a very comfortable life. He does work. He pays his car note(he got a brand new car on our 23rd anniversary) and he does give me a little grocery money but he keeps the majority of his check for himself. He had a very nice loud system installed in his new car, he has a very nice gun collection, game systems, probably close to 500 dvds(when I was looking for our house I made sure it had built ins for his collection) he gets to spend the money he makes in himself. I can’t believe he said he’d quit his job, sell all his belongings and live on the street. What is so terrible about having sex with me that he’d give up his comfortable life? When we do have sex it’s when he wants which is roughly once every two months. No kissing. No touching other than penis in vagina. I give him oral every time, he expects it but never gives it. He makes me feel so disgusting and worthless. I just don’t understand what’s so bad about me. I shower and shave every day. I keep myself clean and fresh but yet I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this life. I’m a good person. I help people and never ask for anything in return. I’ve been a good wife to him and mother to our daughter. My self esteem has been destroyed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok. This is pretty much my story too. Except I haven’t been laid in two and a half years.
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