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Post by ScottDinTN on Mar 24, 2020 10:21:08 GMT -5
Social distancing is a new term we didn't use much before a few weeks ago. But we in sexless marriages have been experiencing it for years from our partners.
What distancing has your relationship experienced over the years?
My Wife: - Doesn't want to be touched ever while sleeping - Always sits in a chair at home that I can't sit beside her to cuddle - We take separate vacations ("for the sake of someone being home with the dog") - She wouldn't let me kiss her more than a peck on the cheek
Me (since giving up on my wife changing): - No holding hands - No hugs - No kisses - Never say I love you - Moved to the basement to see her as little as possible
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Post by michael on Mar 25, 2020 6:49:13 GMT -5
I would like to finish the basement at my house. That sounds great. Great for living in a SM which obviously I hate.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Mar 25, 2020 9:43:55 GMT -5
Yes, if you're going to stay in a SM for awhile, having space to live kind of separate lives helps. At least to me.
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Post by lessingham on Mar 25, 2020 10:09:11 GMT -5
I have always wanted a house with a cellar. Not a basement, a dank dark cellar
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Post by bozodeclowne on Mar 25, 2020 16:58:49 GMT -5
Interesting. I'm having more trouble than I would have thought with this social distancing business. I guess it is that in addition to the usual from the spouse, I'm also having to be distant with everyone else too. I'm not really a touchy-feely guy, but having no human contact at all really sucks.
The thing is, it's not really no contact at all. You see, when my wife was a little girl she would sit with her mother on the couch in the evenings and Mom would scratch her back. Long story short, I've filled that role every night (barring work trips) since we met, right up to present day. 32 years of scratching back and legs, all under clothes, for hours at a time. When we entered SM land, the frustration of that sort of contact was killing me, especially when it continued from couch to bed. The constant cooing and moans of pleasure didn't help either. Now it just pisses me off, but I sleep on a futon in the basement, so at least no more bedtime scratching.
It's been 15 months now since she stopped all forms of affection toward me completely, with no explanation. No hugs, kisses, I-love-yous, etc. No accidental touches, or even a shoulder punch in response to one of my dumb jokes. Zilch. The only contact we have at all is that nightly scratching. It reminds me of the girl I fell in love with, and always hoped would return. Stupid, I know, but taking that last bit of contact away means...so many things.
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Post by Handy on Mar 25, 2020 20:06:45 GMT -5
Bozodeclowne, I used to do the back and foot rubs. I quit because it was give give and give without getting in return. My giver became empty so rather than be frustrated I just quit giving. Yes it is difficult at first but giving and giving leads to resentments. So rather than be resentful, just quit giving. Life for me is better once some of the resentments dissolved.
My wife complains a lot. I used to work on how to reduce her complaints. Not much worked so now when she complains I just consider who she is and do not try to avoid or reduce her complaints.
Tonight I served hamburgers and she didn't like the bun we had available so I asked "bun or no bun." I wasn't about to go to the store because I have been advised to self-isolate for the past 10 days and another 6 weeks in the future.
My attitude is "screw the complaints." Make due with "what is" rather than what my W wants.
Yes it takes a while to feel comfortable with the role I play. TS (tough shit) deal with life as it is.
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