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Post by Apocrypha on May 12, 2020 12:04:47 GMT -5
Mesulina; “ We do have contempt for each other and with me working at home and him drinking because he lost his job because if covid...not the best situation” According to John Gottman, a top researcher of marriages, when contempt enters a marriage, divorce is likely within 5 years. When I read that, I felt contempt for my refuser, but had no plans to divorce. Three years later, we had divorced at my initiation. By "likely", Gottman's evidence-based longitudinal research indicates well north of 90%. From memory - 97% accuracy? What's interesting for other reasons (for people waiting) is that it's so consistent and so predictable - that when even random laypeople are told what signs to look for, they can predict it with almost the same level of high accuracy and consistency as a trained pychologist, after watching less than a minute of the sample video of the two people interacting, Once contempt enters the relationship (look for eyes rolling, walking on eggshells, attention devoted to managing another's response), you are going to get a divorce. You can set your watch to it. It's just a question of when.
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Post by jim44444 on May 12, 2020 18:45:32 GMT -5
Nope. Why would the virus change anything? If our spouse did not want us before they will not want us now. Same shit, different day. With concern, I read that the only possible hypothetical change to one's situation could come from whether or not the averse spouse changes his/her mind to rejoin or create a marriage. It's as if the abandoned spouse is sitting in the passenger seat of a car that's run out of gas and stalled on a train track, waiting. Ah well. Nothing to be done. Is "the situation" really only up to the spouse who isn't into you? Valid point. The pandemic does not change how "the situation" gets changed. One spouse or the other must start the change. They can work cooperatively on a solution but someone needs to upset the boat. My point was that the pandemic itself will not be the catalyst. Maybe if a spouse becomes ill and has an epiphany about the relationship we can list the virus as a change factor but that is a stretch.
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Post by baza on May 12, 2020 19:13:31 GMT -5
In May 2019 you may have been in an ILIASM shithole. In May 2020 you may be in an ILIASM shithole, and a coronavirus lockdown. By May 2021 you'll be in an ILIASM shithole, post pandemic.
If you are waiting for some external event to propel you out of your ILIASM shithole (or to somehow transform your ILIASM deal), you are on a losing strategy.
If there is to be change, it will be because *you* generated it.
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Post by JMX on May 22, 2020 20:48:24 GMT -5
Does anybody think the virus will have an effect on our situations good or bad? Same. Just more annoying if you live with it at home every day.
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