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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:43:29 GMT -5
I like to think I remember all of the kindred spirits I meet here. May not be true, but I do remember you tmd. We have much in common. I believe I’m 1 baby step ahead of you, in that I filed in December, which means I have graduated to the 8th level of HELL in the short term, but TBH it is so much more exhilarating to be working toward a goal, than the misery of the past 13 years, I cannot even explain it. How important is your job that you can’t ask for a little bit of grace? Also- do you have supportive people there close by? (I really didn’t, but have found some.) Thanks for sharing! [/quote] Work? I have biweekly deadlines that reduce flexibility. It’s also been stressful due to extra workload, amongst other things. I’m not sure what I can ask for, but if I don’t ask, I won’t know. I have some good friends who have been looking out for me. And even though my sister lives a few hours away, she and I have been staying in touch. |
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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:48:59 GMT -5
So much so that he’s off across to the other side of the world next week. And he just told me. By accident. So, I am... I don’t know. For how long? If more than a quick business trip, definitely tell your attorney. It could be important. It is my AP who announced he’s off on a 3ish week trip, for pleasure. With his wife. To pick up son whose been traveling for a few months. We had tea yesterday. He feels justified in not telling me because he felt it was best to tell me in person. I disagree. It doesn’t impact me; he can take a vacation. I think it’s the fact that his sit on the sofa wife is going and that part irritates me. I don’t travel alone with the person I am legally married to. And yet, I understand their rationale. Anyways, he’d talked about doing this trip several months ago. I think he’s lucky to go, excepting the worldwide pandemic. ;-) |
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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:49:16 GMT -5
So much so that he’s off across to the other side of the world next week. And he just told me. By accident. So, I am... I don’t know. For how long? If more than a quick business trip, definitely tell your attorney. It could be important. It is my AP who announced he’s off on a 3ish week trip, for pleasure. With his wife. To pick up son whose been traveling for a few months. We had tea yesterday. He feels justified in not telling me because he felt it was best to tell me in person. I disagree. It doesn’t impact me; he can take a vacation. I think it’s the fact that his sit on the sofa wife is going and that part irritates me. I don’t travel alone with the person I am legally married to. And yet, I understand their rationale. Anyways, he’d talked about doing this trip several months ago. I think he’s lucky to go, excepting the worldwide pandemic. ;-) |
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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:50:37 GMT -5
Depression is very difficult. Tend to self isolate makes depression worse so isolate even more a vicious cycle. I am glad we can support here Yeah. I believe in quiet time to regroup. But too much self isolation is not good. Yes, this place is good. |
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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:53:14 GMT -5
rdp62 - hijack away. No worries! But it’s an interesting discussion. At this point, I’m not depressed because of sexless marriage. More that I haven’t done what I need to do. The whole self-preservation thing has been a farce (i.e. 7 year affair). What I need to do is move this marriage to divorce. Stat. And live life on my terms, not for everybody else.
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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:53:57 GMT -5
I’m sorry you’re struggling. It’s not easy- any of it. Our stories our similar. I’ve been out 5 months and am still trying to heal. I’ll PM you later this evening to offer more support. You’re not alone. Your message was wonderful. I’ll touch base with you soon. |
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Post by TMD on Mar 10, 2020 22:55:04 GMT -5
I’ve run out of steam. Time for bed. I’ll try to be back tomorrow night. Sweet Dreams.
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Post by JMX on Mar 10, 2020 23:19:01 GMT -5
Hey darlin’
Love you.
You don’t have any feelings that I don’t feel... I just know you are meant for the best things in life.
I love you to pieces. My TMD.
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Post by padgemi on Mar 11, 2020 0:06:43 GMT -5
I like to think I remember all of the kindred spirits I meet here. May not be true, but I do remember you tmd. We have much in common. I believe I’m 1 baby step ahead of you, in that I filed in December, which means I have graduated to the 8th level of HELL in the short term, but TBH it is so much more exhilarating to be working toward a goal, than the misery of the past 13 years, I cannot even explain it. How important is your job that you can’t ask for a little bit of grace? Also- do you have supportive people there close by? (I really didn’t, but have found some.) Thanks for sharing! Work? I have biweekly deadlines that reduce flexibility. It’s also been stressful due to extra workload, amongst other things. I’m not sure what I can ask for, but if I don’t ask, I won’t know. I have some good friends who have been looking out for me. And even though my sister lives a few hours away, she and I have been staying in touch. [/quote] Deadlines: uuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IKR?  ?? Somehow I managed to make it through “discovery” round 1.1, 1.2 & 1.3 while letting several deadlines slide and the world didn’t explode. It was pure hell and my blood pressure was probably 180/a million, but I didn’t have a heart attack. I have taken the position that ending this ASAP is priority over all other priorities. But one thing I have learned in so doing: that 30 day window for getting your paperwork turned in is bullshit. W is seriously 2 weeks overdue and we still haven’t seen her shit, meanwhile I turned in my 2nd revision on the 30th day and my lawyer still hasn’t looked at it 3 days later... Also: couple years ago I spoke to an atty who gave me a free consult over the phone. That was useful... |
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Post by TMD on Mar 12, 2020 23:05:06 GMT -5
This bit stands out Sister TMD . . . "when I am able to piece myself together to take the necessary steps". That's the key, sorting out your own shit as a priority, working toward a position of empowerment, from which you can deal with these assorted issues from a position of strength. Hard work. You don't seem averse to hard work Sister TMD. Thank you, baza. |
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Post by TMD on Mar 12, 2020 23:13:40 GMT -5
Wow. Sending hugs to you and I am a looooong hugger so no worries! Seriously, my gentle nudge is to tell you to do 1 thing totally for you each day. Just one. Just try to be in that moment and appreciate it. One day at a time is a saying for a reason. Sometimes that is all you can do. My best friend suffers from severe depression and a very stressful life. She has given me some key words and phrases that are helpful for her to hear when she is in a bad place. She will call and just tell me she is in a dark place (at this point I can hear it in her voice so she does not even need to). One of them "It is enough that you are alive right now" is ringing in my head as I think about your situation. Keep breathing. Lots of support here when you need it I needed this reminder. I likely need it everyday — to do just one thing for me. I did do that tonight with a bath. I had asked my AP to, “hold space,” for me. He has, despite the fact that I am tired of being in an affair, been very kind and patient. He does not pressure me whatsoever. Basically, everybody I need everybody I know to, “hold space,” for me because I’m not able to handle extra emotion very well. This video, I am not sure if it’s been posted here, was painful and beautiful. I felt like the child. Ack. Can’t copy video. If inclined, search, “Holding Space - Beautiful Two’s” Thank you for the loooonnng hug. |
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Post by TMD on Mar 12, 2020 23:16:20 GMT -5
I don't see the AP as a pit fall, it is what you needed at that time in your life. Now you can figure it what you want in the next chapter. The SM drove me to planning my suicide as well. I'm sending a big hug and welcoming you back. No, AP wasn’t a pitfall. It was how I needed to learn what I’ve needed to learn. The weird thing? Anybody who remembers my EP posts and those here will remember that I never felt any guilt about it. I made a very clearish choice to have an affair. What’s not so clear are all of the consequences. Some immediate, some took longer. I feel guilt now. I am embarrassed that I didn’t have an open convo with my spouse (although, I don’t feel I can trust him, so can I ever really have an open convo?). I assume you no longer plan suicide? |
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Post by warmways on Mar 28, 2020 22:52:17 GMT -5
TMD,
You’ve suffered enough. You can do this. It’s so hard but one way is you’re getting through this by talking about it. Keep sharing and clarity will come to you. Lots of credit due for taking steps and each towards a what you deserve and need.
Counseling therapy any kind of resources.. all will keep building you up even more. And I do remember you! Hugs. Lots of them.
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Post by padgemi on Mar 29, 2020 10:28:53 GMT -5
I assume you no longer plan suicide? This the only significant question I get asked every time I go to the psychiatrist every 3 months. I’m seeing this discussed more and more on here, which is important. Like some of my twitter friends, I have always told the doc, “no”, having drawn a distinction in my mind between “actively attempting“ and “passively contemplating”, knowing full-well “passively contemplating” is also NOT healthy. FWIW, I am no longer engaging in either. I’m getting a divorce. |
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Post by rdp62 on Mar 29, 2020 13:23:48 GMT -5
Padgemi
I am glad you are doing better. Living with those thoughts is torture. I understand.
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