Sex maybe not essential, but touch - a basic form of intimacy -is. Research has shown that babies who are not touched enough (only get the necessary physical care), have a much bigger chance to die. Touch is necessary, it produces physical responses in the body that strengthens the immune system and feeling of wellness. Psychologically it helps to feel a connection - literally. Touch is a sensation that confirms one's own existence.
Post by sexyafter50kay on Mar 20, 2020 17:20:01 GMT -5
Sure, I could live without. I don't want to however. I know touch is essential for humans to flourish, and I want to live life to the fullest. Emotionally intimacy + physically intimacy is my goal. Our emotional intimacy is there. Physical could use some work!
Since I know some celibate people who are sane and content, the answer is no for me.
In fact, I an hesitant to say I need it, because that could mean I am addicted to it. I am addicted to alcohol. When I drank, I would drink anything that would get me drunk, whether it was aged whiskey or cheap beer. I am more discriminating with my sex partners. I savor the aged whiskey and pass on the cheap beers and wines.
However, sex is more important to me now that I am a widower. Sex reminds me that I am still very much alive and my body still works.
I've been wondering if sex is a basic human need. In other words, do we need sex like we need air, water, food, shelter, etc. I've read various, conflicting opinions on the matter. Is our basic human need for sex; for love; for touch or for something else?
Of course not. It is a drive, but not a need. If you don't have air, food, water, shelter - you'll die. If you don't have sex, you won't.
I'm curious about the intent of the question. If it is agreed that it is a need, what then? If it is not a need, what then?
Last Edit: May 19, 2020 10:36:19 GMT -5 by apocrypha
I’ve been thinking about this question a lot and I think that it is close to the core issue in a sexless marriage. My initial response was that it wasn’t however on reflection I now think differently. I think that some sex over a period of time is a basic human need and I think it’s the time that is important. No sex for a short period is harmless maybe but a sexless marriage can restrict sex for damaging amounts of time. So I think it is time and frequnecy dependent.
I would argue that sex being a basic human need is subjective. For the creation of life, yes, obviously sex is required to propagate the human race unless you are going to artificially inseminate everyone, in which case you are starting to get into science fiction plot lines. The question of whether sex is a basic human need required to have a completely loving, productive and fruitful marriage or even an a happy and productive existence is truly dependent on the individual or individuals involved.
I believe two people could be completely happy in a marriage not having sex if there is emotional intimacy and they both decide sex doesn't do anything for either of them or if they aren't capable of sexual intimacy due to illness, physical limitations, etc. However, everyone is certainly not wired this way which is where the problem arises. When sex is important to one partner but not the other or the other partner is unwilling or unable to engage in sexual activity or meet their partner's needs in the middle, significant rifts can open in relationships. Anger and animosity can arise when one partner values sexual intimacy and the other turns away from it which causes further damage in the relationship. Before you know it, it's been weeks, months or years since you last had sex with your partner and the feelings arise that a lot of us have that we are "stuck" in a sexless marriage where our partner doesn't seem to care about our needs.
Personally I believe sexual intimacy is very important is sustaining happiness and physical and emotional health, but we can truly exist and be happy without sex for periods of time. Just look at adolescence. When we were all young, we weren't out running around having sex. Many of us lived 15-20 years before engaging in sexual intimacy and were perfectly happy doing so, but many of us probably began to get frustrated by these feelings and desires we were having without an outlet for them other than masterbation. While "taking care of your own business" certainly meets some sexual needs, it doesn't replace the touch of another human being, feeling desired by someone, or the emotional caring that often goes into a relationship with your partner. The loss of that is what a lot of us are lamenting in our sexless marriages.
So in my case, yes, a good sexual relationship is important to my long-term health and the health of my marriage and I would consider it a basic human need to flourish and prosper in life, however I also believe some people are perfectly fine without sex.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5