okiedude
Junior Member
Learning to live with my Situation.
Posts: 87
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Feb 24, 2020 20:00:16 GMT -5
So I am packed and going out of town on another trip for work, I am now traveling 90%. I leave a family behind by kids that love me and a wife that “pines away for me.” What am I truly leaving? A kid in collage that has moved on and is looking for what he wants. And seems to be doing well. Another that is just starting on this trip and is a total pain in the ass. Testing boundaries and having girl issues, (likes the bad ones.)
My wife gets upset when I leave, I am not sure why. Because nobody is there to do everything? Because she has to get up and take the kid to school? Or, is it because she really misses me? I have all this anxiety when I leave but it is only for the week…. It will be nice. No sexual pressure, No anger, No sadness about the life I live in. I get to go and sleep in alone, and snore and do what I want……
I don’t know why it is so hard to leave when I get to be in a situation where there is no pressure….. Maybe it is holding on to this might be the week she desires me and I will be gone. So Sick.
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Post by baza on Feb 24, 2020 20:52:22 GMT -5
It reads like you are getting a bit of "zipcode therapy" by virtue of your job. That's good.
But do you have - - legal advice as to how a divorce would shake out for you ? - an exit strategy in do-able shape to start up in your new life ? - a functional and caring support network of friends to help you through ? - a plan to manage your kids through such an event ?
If you haven't done the work (above) to create an alternative to your current situation, then you are not much chance of getting out of your current situation.
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okiedude
Junior Member
Learning to live with my Situation.
Posts: 87
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Feb 24, 2020 21:19:46 GMT -5
I Travel for work... It just seems that I am leaving a SM and chaos for peace... I don't understand why it bothers me so. So many road warrior sales guys love life on the road... for me it is getting harder even if my marriage is getting worse.... I have never cheated.... MANY opportunities... Just can't get it done.
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Post by baza on Feb 24, 2020 22:39:21 GMT -5
Surely that is telling you something Brother okiedude . You are more at peace and serenity when you are absent from the dysfunctional situation (zipcode therapy) than when you are present in it.
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Post by sadkat on Feb 24, 2020 23:07:19 GMT -5
I Travel for work... It just seems that I am leaving a SM and chaos for peace... I don't understand why it bothers me so. So many road warrior sales guys love life on the road... for me it is getting harder even if my marriage is getting worse.... I have never cheated.... MANY opportunities... Just can't get it done. Here is my opinion based on my own experience okiedude. When you leave for a work trip, you are leaving the place you consider as “ home”. The place in which you feel comfortable (if not necessarily relaxed) and which is familiar to you. Even if you are looking forward to some peace, it doesn’t compensate for the sense of comfort home brings. After your work travel is done, you return to what is comfortable and familiar, if only for a short time. If you’re traveling 90% of the time, you are doing this over and over again. When I left my marital home for the last time, I suffered anxiety over this very thing. I was leaving what was comfortable, familiar, and safe- forever. I had no idea what future awaited me- I still don’t. But, I’m creating a new place to call home; a place to call my own- my little oasis. Now, when I travel for work, I’m loathe to leave my new little oasis. It’s a matter of perspective. As for those war warriors who love life on the road... if you dig further, you’ll find some very lonely people.
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Post by Apocrypha on Feb 25, 2020 12:43:14 GMT -5
So many people discuss their marriage and their household as if they are the same thing. They are circles that can overlap.
If you took away the household management though, what would be left of the marriage? What exactly are you leaving?
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Feb 27, 2020 8:29:35 GMT -5
It's been more than a year since I left my SM. I had initial feelings of loss of 'The Home' but this soon passed. I also felt calm when away on business, in retrospect this was because I was out of the chaos and angst a SM inflicts. 'Home' is a feeling. It's safe and happy and yours. Or it's angst ridden and unhappy and chaotic.
I now have a new home, a home I like, and my home is not just a place, it's a good feeling.
Re visiting this forum from time to time reminds me how much time I spent analysing and dwelling on my crazy SM. It's a lot better out of a non fixable SM Sithole than in one. I used to run over my feelings regards 'home' and many other things.
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Post by workingonit on Mar 4, 2020 9:53:00 GMT -5
It's been more than a year since I left my SM. I had initial feelings of loss of 'The Home' but this soon passed. I also felt calm when away on business, in retrospect this was because I was out of the chaos and angst a SM inflicts. 'Home' is a feeling. It's safe and happy and yours. Or it's angst ridden and unhappy and chaotic. I now have a new home, a home I like, and my home is not just a place, it's a good feeling. Re visiting this forum from time to time reminds me how much time I spent analysing and dwelling on my crazy SM. It's a lot better out of a non fixable SM Sithole than in one. I used to run over my feelings regards 'home' and many other things. This was beautifully said.
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Mar 5, 2020 12:42:27 GMT -5
@workingonit
Thankyou
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