That takes me back to second grade when some girls said "boys had cooties" and people that has sex were GROSS.
So, my middle son was kept innocent for a long time because we shamelessly lied to him about where babies come from.
We told him they come from Sears.
Specifically, Sears sells "baby dough" in pink and blue varieties. I would go out and buy the dough, and mix it into a cake with my saliva ( we needed some way to be able to claim he came from both of us). My W would eat the cake and a baby would form in her stomach. We had all boys because I am colorblind and mistakenly bought the same dough every time.
By fourth grade, he was VERY suspicious of this story.
In fifth grade, he comes home one day and says, "Mom, Dad, I know what you guys did at least three times!"
You see, that's when they teach sex education in schools in our area.
He then went on to ask, "I have just one question: was it so disgusting?"
When I was in marital therapy, within a month or two of calling it quits - the clumsy therapist chose to reassure my wife that I was onboard with "taking the pressure off".
"What if he needs to have sex?"
"Don't worry, he can just go to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet instead."
And were you "on board" with this approach to taking the pressure off?
I pay a lot of attention to the things people say, without realizing what they say. To how people "frame" something.
So when the psychologist helpfully framed my sexual contribution within a marriage as an excretory function, to literally be managed with tissue and a toilet, discretely, I realized I was out. I quit counselling and a couple months later, split.
As for "taking the pressure off" - after over a decade of crisis level celibacy in marriage, I had conditioned to associate it with loneliness and sadness, and even self-contempt for it. Like lancing a pimple or tending a wound. To this day, I still am reluctant to, because sometimes bits of those feelings creep in.
Last Edit: Feb 21, 2020 16:50:36 GMT -5 by apocrypha
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5