I just was reading the previous thread about certain rules that a member posted that was strikingly similar to my life. My wife and I are in our late 30s been married 13 years with two small children. We have a nearly sexless and affectionless marriage. I was just curious if anyone else has rules that their significant other has put on them? If we do have sex it’s maybe once a month if that and there is a lot of negotiating to get that, but it comes with rules and lots of them! No kissing and if there is quick closed mouth kisses, using any tongue gets me the snake eye from her No foreplay, it’s clothes off and do the deed and be done Afterward get up and get clothes on No hugging or cuddling Absolutely no oral of any kind And we do sleep in separate rooms. Since 2010 And last but not least do not talk about it
I have similar rules, but they are supposed to be understood by me. They were never actually stated. I haven’t been laid in about two and half years. The last time was when my dad died so it was just out of pity.
No real rules were articulated, but were conveyed nonverbally over time.
No sex after 9:00 on a night before work. No sex in the morning before work. No morning sex on a weekend if we have anything at all to do (house chores, family gathering, etc.). No sex at night on a weekend if we spent too long doing house chores and she's tired. No sex on holidays where we go out anywhere to celebrate anything (Valentine's Day, Anniversary, my Birthday, etc.). No sex if she's had more than 2-3 drinks. No playing with her breasts. No kissing if I have given her oral and oral is rarely allowed. No oral is ever to be expected from her. Foreplay for her is required but not to be expected for me. (Same goes for back massages.) Missionary is the only allowed position because it requires the least amount of effort from her. Toys or other bedroom devices are allowed infrequently but only by her request. Lights are always supposed to be off. After I finish, sex is immediately over and there is no cuddling. (Sometimes she will take a shower to wash me off of her.) Talking about the sex is not allowed other than to verbally confirm that we both finished.
I'm sure there's more specifics that I'm forgetting, but I figured this was a good enough list of the general rules.
Bits of me are dying but others are growing. One step at a time.
Oh there’s definitely more, couldn’t think of it at the time,but no lingerie (don’t ask don’t buy) no toys very straight forward and please finish in less than 5 mins because this is being done for me not her.
Kind of like the "Unofficial Rules of Baseball"...this is what I have learned.
Sex only occurs after she has set the date for a week or two and then only if she is still horny and everything else in life is going well on that date. No child in the house. House clean and everyone freshly showered. No kissing after I have given her oral. No oral is attempted from her. "I did it that one time." Foreplay is discouraged. When she decides it's time, It's "Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma'am" Missionary only. Toys are allowed, but under her direction. If I am not done by some nebulous time limit, she will assume that something is wrong and that I am not excited by her.
I always felt like my wife had a 50 number combination lock to her arousal. Every number had to be entered in just the right order perfectly before her arousal may possibly be opened up. And if it isn't, it's my fault for not arousing her properly. Of course the combination changes after every attempt. And one wrong move trips the self district for the week.
Eventually gave up because it wasn't worth the effort.
I used to have a mental image of my wife's arousal, trying to kick a goal over a high wall. The only clue was "miss", not how far or how close and no encouragement. Her golden rule is no oral. She maintains women who claim to love cunnilingus are lying and most women hste it.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5