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Post by nyctos on Feb 20, 2020 21:36:34 GMT -5
I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to truly forgive her. She's taken so much out of me, and really doesn't care that she has, and I'm not sure she ever had genuine feelings for me. And, our relationship is a bit like having Prudish sister, except the sister also wants to control every activity and movement, what gets eaten, who walks the dog (is rather do it alone, she insists on coming and gets angry of I don't want her if she's asleep, and what I can say (she's yelled at me for telling people what made me first attracted to her -- in response to them directly asking).
Actually I feel like I'm just coming out of a very dark period I've been in since September that I've spent every single day depressed.
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Post by h on Feb 24, 2020 7:52:14 GMT -5
I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to truly forgive her. She's taken so much out of me, and really doesn't care that she has, and I'm not sure she ever had genuine feelings for me. And, our relationship is a bit like having Prudish sister, except the sister also wants to control every activity and movement, what gets eaten, who walks the dog (is rather do it alone, she insists on coming and gets angry of I don't want her if she's asleep, and what I can say (she's yelled at me for telling people what made me first attracted to her -- in response to them directly asking). Actually I feel like I'm just coming out of a very dark period I've been in since September that I've spent every single day depressed. I feel similar in that my W is against me talking to others about personal stuff. She wants to spend every minute of our waking hours with me if we're not at work. She controls our entire social life and drags me along as an accessory to continue the appearance to her friends of having everything together. I go along to keep the peace for now while I work on getting finances in order. I don't bring up our issues in front of others unless my wife flat out lies and then I will correct her. It's funny, because now I'm starting to see her more as a sister than a spouse.
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grower
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by grower on Feb 24, 2020 9:22:50 GMT -5
I find that I deal with a lot of anger and resentment, and am currently biting my tongue and biding my time, while I am working on getting a divorce. I desire to replace pissed off with pity for the miserable person the W is, or at least a good "don't give a shit attitude" toward her. Time to heal my heart and soul. I have given up to much already in wasting 20 years in a crappy SM. There is so many interesting and fun people and things to do with the rest of my life, rather than to waste my energy on the negativity, pessimism, and stress that is my W. It's dam sure a roller coaster ride of emotions, but I find no benefit to not moving on physically and mentally. Came home after working on my crappy rental house (future residence) to find W in full meltdown over some dirty dishes, some of which she threw out in the yard, only confirming the good reason to get the F out. I once thought that things would somehow change, but it hasn't and now that the end is getting closer, I am expecting it to get worse. Breath in/ out repeat, pray. If you both are not working toward a solution, it is not just going to happen. Raising kids around a non-loving relationship is not better than divorce. Everyone can't be a victim, take responsibility for your own happiness. No still pissed, it comes and goes. Peace
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Post by alwaysdenied on Feb 24, 2020 10:36:20 GMT -5
Grower, I understand fully. I'm working my own plan as well, but am probably a year away honestly. Was woken up this weekend to my W wanting to have 'are we ok?!?' sex. I have totally stopped even trying to initiate anything because the starfish sex isn't really worth the 95% chance of being rejected. I willfully complied this weekend because I'm not ready to show that 'no I'm not ok anymore, nor will I be'. Yesterday her mother was visiting and somehow the W couldn't keep up her charade of being normal. After I was left with MIL alone and she was just sitting there stunned, I looked over and kinda sang... 'welcome to my house'. To which she replied, no welcome to your worst nightmare, I'm so sorry. I just said, yeah it's been rough but I still love her. I'm not about to let MIL know the truth about my exit operation because she's not to be trusted. I'm sure in the end she'll hate me for it, but it did feel good to have a bit of reinforcement that it's not just SM, but nutzo W that I'm not the one making it up.
It's sad how SM used to be something I endured because everything else seemed normal. Now I realize those years were just the beginning of a tyrannical nutjob in the making. I just hope I can get things in order quick enough before I can't deal with it anymore.
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