One of my (distant) relatives has entered the death spiral. For those of you who have seen this in your own lives, you know what it is: A sharp and continuous deterioration—instead of the more gradual decline associated with aging—that ends (sooner rather than later) in exactly one place.
In this case, the individual suffers from dementia and has begun to accuse their spouse of infidelity—sometimes very publicly. (Both are in their late eighties, early nineties.) What I think I am seeing is the final act of a long-term SM, in which previous emotional restraints have disappeared and very real resentment and anger is now getting expressed through false (and frankly, irrational) accusations.
I know that I am probably doing a fair amount of projection in this case, but I wonder if anyone else has experienced this and what it bodes for the future.
For those who decide to remain in a SM (I am personally undecided), the question is, "Can it get any worse?" And the answer seems to be, "Yes, it can, and at the worst possible time."
richards- you bring up an interesting question. As we age, we do tend to be a little more outspoken. I can imagine how a 90 year old would be vocal about something that he/she resents. Adding dementia to the mix would add a lot more complexity. I don’t really have an opinion although I will say that my h accused me of having affairs early on in my sm. I guess he felt vulnerable because he knew he wasn’t giving me what I needed and feared I was getting it elsewhere? As the years progressed, I believe he grew more comfortable in thinking I would stay in the marriage. He was certainly shocked when I finally told him I wanted out. I’ll be very interested to see others’ opinions.
My MIL had dementia and to be quite honest the disinhibition looked a great deal of fun! Just throw on out there what’s on your mind with the cloak of a diagnosis to cover it all nicely.
About changing libido as we age. There is good evidence that many remain sexually active, interested and able well into the 80’s. I am aiming to grow old disgracefully. I have a huge amount of catching up to do and this knowledge of possibilities sustains me some days!
Often with dementia, many rational processes become lost.
I have a friend with dementia and he can ask the same questions every 20 minuets and is not aware he just asked the same question earlier. He has visitors and says there were not there after they are gone 5 minuets. He claims people accused him of doing something illegal and asks when he is getting out of jail. He only remembers one person, his W, and says she hasn't been to see him in a month when in reality she sees him almost daily.
Yes, dementia robs the person of the ability to think in reality.
At the ripe age of 32, I found myself delusional, paranoid, manic and psychotic, all at the same time. I have always, and still believe, I was driven to this by a death spiral similar to you describe, following 5 years of sexless tendencies mingled with the carryover of a not-so-insignificantly traumatic childhood.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5