hi
New Member
Posts: 1
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Post by hi on Jan 3, 2020 1:38:13 GMT -5
Hi, I just found this forum, and feel better already. It's less lonely to know I'm not the only one with a husband who's always too tired. It's now been three sexless months, and we've only had sex every month or two for YEARS. I am grateful for all your honest posts :-)
I don't want to leave the marriage now because of our kids. So, for the women in SM who are "outsourcing," how do you do this discreetly? I don't want to have a work affair and impact my job. And I don't want to go on Tinder like my single friends, since I'll get recognized, I live in family suburbia...
Thank you
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Post by lessingham on Jan 3, 2020 4:31:41 GMT -5
Not a woman but my take is that it is like playing russian roulette. Five times out of six you get away with it and then.... You get sloppy and leave trails, he gets suspicious, you are seen by others and so on. My wife accessed (hacked) my emails for a whole year's backlog when she finally went a hunting for evidence. If you outsource, be prepared for the inevitable discovery methinks.
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Post by baza on Jan 3, 2020 5:20:18 GMT -5
Are you an accomplished liar ? Do you have access to (untraceable) cash to fund this choice ? Do you already spend a reasonable time away from your spouse, or would the necessary absences be suspicious ?
If the answer to these questions is "no" then I suggest you scrub the idea. Your chances of getting sprung are too big.
But if you decide to have a crack anyway, and just "wing it", then it would be a good idea first, to see how a divorce would shake out for you in your jurisdiction. At least then you'd know what the stakes are in this highly adventurous choice.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 3, 2020 9:08:09 GMT -5
As a precursor let me state clearly I am not encouraging you outsourcing. But if you are really thinking along those lines there are plenty of internet articles offering advice and specifics as to burner phones, prepaid credit cards which leave no paper trail and "how to's" when it comes to having an affair. Ashlee Madison comes to mind as probably the best affair site for a married woman. But I am in the boat with others here saying it is an unpredictable course to chart with lots of unpredictable potential. And once the genie is out of the bottle it might be impossible to put him back in.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 3, 2020 10:32:52 GMT -5
If you decide to outsource also prepare yourself for the real possibility of your marriage ending due to your getting caught or deciding that you no longer want to be married to a man who won’t fuck you.
“Being prepared” means being educated about the legal, financial and social ramifications of divorce.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 3, 2020 14:05:51 GMT -5
When I was married I used Ashley Madison to find someone to outsource with. As far as being discreet - I paid for nothing, I called in sick and met during day while I was supposed to be at work and kids were at school, or I said I was meeting a particular girlfriend who does not use social media.
I never got caught but I was at a point in my marriage that if I got caught I was prepared for the consequences of divorce. Eventually I initiated a divorce.
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 4, 2020 15:58:01 GMT -5
Hi, I just found this forum, and feel better already. It's less lonely to know I'm not the only one with a husband who's always too tired. It's now been three sexless months, and we've only had sex every month or two for YEARS. I am grateful for all your honest posts :-) I don't want to leave the marriage now because of our kids. So, for the women in SM who are "outsourcing," how do you do this discreetly? I don't want to have a work affair and impact my job. And I don't want to go on Tinder like my single friends, since I'll get recognized, I live in family suburbia... Thank you AshleyMadison is a blessing for married women... BUT be aware of the risks... My risk was/is negligeable, as my husband has dementia and bed ridden... If you go this path, be prepared for the worst outcome...
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Post by carl on Jan 6, 2020 18:48:15 GMT -5
Am I being naive? Is there much difference between how a man or a woman might “outsource” without getting caught. Not being on a level - you’d have it written all over your face before you even did.
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 10, 2020 18:52:14 GMT -5
Am I being naive? Is there much difference between how a man or a woman might “outsource” without getting caught. Not being on a level - you’d have it written all over your face before you even did. Nope...just learn to supress your happy smile😁
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jan 11, 2020 9:03:18 GMT -5
Feel free to message me. I did it successfully for 9 years. I am now out of my marriage but with my last affair partner and quite happy
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 22, 2020 20:21:02 GMT -5
I've never gotten physical outside of marriage. Never. It's no longer a moral issue for me, but I still have a personal phobia against it as long as I have kids under 18. Getting caught: By now you should know whether or not your husband is one of the jealous/suspicious types. My wife is, and it really doesn't matter whether I cheat or not, I've been under the microscope and that is hell enough. But something I have found: I can get all the smiles, magic eyes and flirtatious conversations I want at the coffee shop, random store, pub, or meetup.com (not a dating site), and it could probably lead to more if I wanted. Even without sex, the casual flirting and simply getting out and about, making new friends has really helped me. Best of luck! If you're clean, I always wanted to ask someone like you to challenge their untrusting spouses. When you're accused, and they ask for some proof you were where you said you were (or whatever proof they're demanding maybe access to your chats. I don't know, I've never been mistrusted, to my knowledge.) Can you ask them what you get in exchange? Their suspicion shouldn't be free. It's a terrible habit they need to break. They do the dishes for a week They buy you dinner (assuming separate finances or "mad money") You get a heartfelt apology They volunteer at your favorite charity for two hours It's no favor to them to let their neurosis eat their brains. After they fail to catch you four or five times, maybe it'll sink in. Now? It's too easy. They don't even remember how many times they've been a jackass. I've sought outsourcing before, but admitted it immediately. Hadn't done anything yet and wasn't planning to sneak around. Too much work and I'm not the one causing the problem that I told her I was fixing. (At the moment, she's making efforts to fix it herself. Hope she succeeds. It's not like I wanted to outsource. I love that silly woman.)
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