New here. I had no idea this was a thing Jan 2, 2020 16:42:57 GMT -5 iceman, h, and 5 more like this
Post by alwaysdenied on Jan 2, 2020 16:42:57 GMT -5
Hello all. Like everyone here, I found this place because I'm near the end of my rope.
Pardon me if I don't quite use the right initials to describe myself. I'm nearing 50, been married 21yrs, male with 2 teens. Going about into my 13th year of being denied and can rationalize away my life when it comes to being denied. Now that I've read some I realize how NOT alone I really am with these feelings. I'm down to maybe once a period cycle if I'm lucky and catch her right before her period which is pretty much the ONLY time I'm granted limited access. When I finally don't get rejected and am given the.... ok fine... go ahead then from her I usually am ultra quick with it due to the fact that I actually love her and can't handle just being not denied. Notice I don't say accepted, just not denied. I have known for a while that even though I doubt she would ever actually engage in a Lesbian relationship or sex that she's one who is turned on by girls. She somewhat validates this by saying she doesn't want me to go down on her because she feels like it's a girl doing it (fantasizing about one anyway).
None of that really matters. What really matters is she constantly denies me saying she feels ugly or fat. Makes excuses why (if we went to bed together, or went on vacation, spent alone time) which never pan out when done. I've tried alcohol. I've tried massages. I've tried trips. I've tried housework. I've tried pampering. I've listened endlessly about her work. Her idea of pleasuring me is to allow me to penetrate her while being the perfect starfish. Then of course I will just get it over with and she'll mention something about how fast it was and how it's probably because we don't have sex enough (suggesting we should do it more). It's always something we should do more of but just in the abstract because she knows I have needs and that's the right thing for her to say. I don't really believe she is in an affair (with a male anyway). However I have noticed she doesn't mind masturbating secretly. So the gross and ugly doesn't apply to her masturbation.
Turns out, I'm the fool. I fell in love with her. I would do damn near anything else for her other than be celibate and feel this rejected. I'm one of those 'to death do us part' people who is wishing for a head on collision for either of us I guess. Turns out I'm not alone in those thoughts also. Intercourse isn't necessary. But intimacy is. As a comedian once said.... how much of a loser do you have to be to be constantly rejected by the one person you and her vowed to only have sex with? 2020, I'm taking the red pill I guess. Not sure what the future holds but this is a start.