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Post by lostintime on Dec 15, 2019 21:50:01 GMT -5
I use to workout 3 times a week and I am now exercising every day. I noticed that my sex drive is a lot lower. I am also in a better mood and things do not bother me as much. I still want the contact and attention that I do not get but its easier to deal with. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, but my desire is much easier to control. She is still the same way and offers sex because she knows it upsets me. She still lazy about it and only enjoys sex once she gets into it. My wife hardly exercises so I am not sure how it would impact her. Going away for the holiday with kids and wife, need to find a way to exercise or someone else to have sex with. Life is full of challenges.
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Post by csl on Dec 15, 2019 23:32:41 GMT -5
She is still the same way and offers sex because she knows it upsets me. She still lazy about it and only enjoys sex once she gets into it. 1. Your wife offering you sex annoys you? Sex 2-3 times a week? Explain how this is an ILIASM. 2. "Only enjoys sex once she gets into it" - So? Read up on the term "Responsive arousal." Suffice to say that male and female sexuality and response are not identical.
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Post by baza on Dec 16, 2019 0:40:08 GMT -5
All opinions - points of view - observations etc are all welcome in here, wherever you are coming from. But like Brother csl notes, how is this an ILIASM ? Anyway, if physical exercise is lowering your sex drive and improving your mood, and this is a result you want, then it would seem you are on the right track.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 16, 2019 7:24:09 GMT -5
For a rough comparison, my wife avoided sex with a myriad of psychological tricks and excuses. Sex three times a week of any sort never happened in twenty-five years. Her desire for sex, even once into it, never happened in twenty-five years, before, during, or after.
Three times a week and into it once going would have saved my marriage, my family, and my financial well-being.
Exercise got my mind off things. It made me more capable as a lover. I don't think it is common that it lowers sex drive, but we are all a bit different.
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Post by lostintime on Dec 16, 2019 9:58:01 GMT -5
She is still the same way and offers sex because she knows it upsets me. She still lazy about it and only enjoys sex once she gets into it. 1. Your wife offering you sex annoys you? Sex 2-3 times a week? Explain how this is an ILIASM. 2. "Only enjoys sex once she gets into it" - So? Read up on the term "Responsive arousal." Suffice to say that male and female sexuality and response are not identical. I never said that wife offering sex annoys me. Sexless marriage is in the eye of the beholder. I personally prefer sex every day if its someone new I would like to have sex multiple times a day, also quality of sex is very important. When I was younger and would meet someone new we would have sex 5-6 a night. Everyone sex drive is different I once met a girl who wanted more sex than me, most girls wanted sex 2-3 times a night and I would meet them 2-3 times a week.
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Post by lostintime on Dec 16, 2019 10:13:09 GMT -5
For a rough comparison, my wife avoided sex with a myriad of psychological tricks and excuses. Sex three times a week of any sort never happened in twenty-five years. Her desire for sex, even once into it, never happened in twenty-five years, before, during, or after. Three times a week and into it once going would have saved my marriage, my family, and my financial well-being. Exercise got my mind off things. It made me more capable as a lover. I don't think it is common that it lowers sex drive, but we are all a bit different. My wife usually falls a sleep watching TV before kids fall a sleep approximately 10pm. I usually go to bed around midnight. If for some reason she does not fall a sleep she will offer to have sex. The thing that bothers me is that she would prefer going to bed rather .... and when she does she is usually very tired and only does it because she knows that I want to and that I get upset. Would you be perfectly happy in marriage if you had sex with your wife 2-3 times a week, but knew that she would rather sleep and she would only have sex with you because you would constantly ask her for it? We discussed frequency of sex and she said she would be perfectly happy with once a week and also said if we did not have sex at all it would not bother her.
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Post by lostintime on Dec 16, 2019 10:21:39 GMT -5
All opinions - points of view - observations etc are all welcome in here, wherever you are coming from. But like Brother csl notes, how is this an ILIASM ? Anyway, if physical exercise is lowering your sex drive and improving your mood, and this is a result you want, then it would seem you are on the right track. I am not sure if its ILIASM? What is the definition of ILIASM? Everyone has different needs and desires. Usually I do not exercise every day (3 times a week) and recently started exercising every day and noticed an interesting side effects. Its a lot easier to control my sexual desire and thought that I would share it with the forum.
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Post by h on Dec 16, 2019 12:09:16 GMT -5
I am the exact opposite. When I'm getting more exercise, I feel better and have much more energy, but it sends my sex drive through the roof. I avoid as much physical activity as possible to keep my drive in check.
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 16, 2019 12:26:45 GMT -5
lostintime, the universal issue here is a big disparity in sex drives, though most here are dealing with gaps on a scale of months or years. Clinically, the definition of a sexless marriage is commonly accepted as being fewer than 10 times a year, but I’d argue that’s just because the stake has to be put somewhere. For some couples that’s a frequency that works for both of them, so it’s not an issue. For others like yourself, even a lot more is still an issue because of the disparity.
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Post by lessingham on Dec 16, 2019 14:47:56 GMT -5
There any many jokes about sexual disparity, he's a sex maniac wanting sex two three times a month... she's frigid wanting sex only two or three times a month. And so on. The same with sexlessness. Is is a number, ie the oft quoted ten times a year, or is it a state of mind, one partner living unsatisfied? But it is hard for us few times a year types to relate to this posting.
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Post by Handy on Dec 16, 2019 14:54:21 GMT -5
lostintime, go to bed at 10PM on the days you want sex.
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Post by flashjohn on Dec 16, 2019 17:03:47 GMT -5
I use to workout 3 times a week and I am now exercising every day. I noticed that my sex drive is a lot lower. I am also in a better mood and things do not bother me as much. I still want the contact and attention that I do not get but its easier to deal with. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, but my desire is much easier to control. She is still the same way and offers sex because she knows it upsets me. She still lazy about it and only enjoys sex once she gets into it. My wife hardly exercises so I am not sure how it would impact her. Going away for the holiday with kids and wife, need to find a way to exercise or someone else to have sex with. Life is full of challenges. Are you doing more cardio, or more weights? If I did more cardio, my drive didn't increase, but more weights made it increase.
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Post by lostintime on Dec 16, 2019 19:08:55 GMT -5
lostintime , go to bed at 10PM on the days you want sex. I would, but kids are not sleeping so I would have to watch boring TV series and would fall asleep faster than her . She actually likes when I am watching TV Series with her but we like different things and I can only watch for 30min at most.
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Post by lostintime on Dec 16, 2019 19:15:24 GMT -5
I use to workout 3 times a week and I am now exercising every day. I noticed that my sex drive is a lot lower. I am also in a better mood and things do not bother me as much. I still want the contact and attention that I do not get but its easier to deal with. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, but my desire is much easier to control. She is still the same way and offers sex because she knows it upsets me. She still lazy about it and only enjoys sex once she gets into it. My wife hardly exercises so I am not sure how it would impact her. Going away for the holiday with kids and wife, need to find a way to exercise or someone else to have sex with. Life is full of challenges. Are you doing more cardio, or more weights? If I did more cardio, my drive didn't increase, but more weights made it increase. I work out different muscle groups on different days and also do cardio twice a week. My sex drive dips if I have muscles pain especially in my legs. I also usually need 5-6 hours of sleep but if I workout every day I need 7-8 hours of sleep. I am working on my six pack hopefully will get it by summer.
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Post by jim44444 on Dec 16, 2019 21:54:02 GMT -5
lostintime, the definition of an SM is often quoted as sex 10 times a year or less as stated above. But that is just statistical bullshit in my opinion. To me an SM is when the maximum acceptable sexual frequency of the low libido partner is less than the minimum sexual frequency of the high libido partner. In other words their desire levels do not overlap. If 2 - 3 times a week of "duty" sex is below your minimum then you are in an SM and anyone claiming otherwise should STFU. By extension if 2 -3 times a week is beyond your wife's maximum then she is married to a sex crazed maniac. And you are both correct. Neither of you are wrong, you are just not compatible. The real issue is what to do about your relationship. That answer can only come from you and your wife.
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