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Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 11, 2019 10:37:52 GMT -5
I hear often that some people in a sexless marriage will say that their marriage is pretty good except for what goes on in the bedroom. I know many sexless marriages have far more issues but there are some that do ok in most areas. Let me pose a hypothetical scenerio to you.
There is a new magical blue pill (yes this is a matrix reference and I loved that movie series) that if you take it, will make you totally content to never have sex again. You will be perfectly happy without it and won't even realize you are missing anything. You can still enjoy holding hands, cuddling, and even kissing, but the desire for sex will be gone and it won't bother you in the least. Also, the effects are totally reversible by taking the red pill that comes in the same package.
Question: Would you take it to make your marriage work?
My answer: I would. I have often felt my high sex drive was a curse. Deep down, I don't want my marriage and my family to break up. We have built up a lot together over the years and I would gladly take the blue pill if it meant I could be content never having sex again.
I look forward to hearing what you would do.
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Post by Handy on Nov 11, 2019 11:41:12 GMT -5
If a person doesn't miss something or has no desire to do certain things (sexuality) then the "Blue Pill" sounds like a way around a persons frustrations and disappointments. That sounds like a decent medical alternative to some very frustrating and unhappy periods of time. It is sort of like taking an anti-depressant medication and solving the depression.
OTH, a person can go through turmoil, end a relationship, and hope they wind up in a relationship that works for both partners.
To me it comes down to what risks a person wants to take and how much work they are willing to do on then self and how much work they are willing to do to find a relationship that fits both partners AND continue to make reasonable adjustments.
So we have the easy "PILL" or the work route.
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Post by mackowitz on Nov 11, 2019 12:11:04 GMT -5
Like many, when I first searched for information about sexless marriages, I thought everything was great except the sex. But through searching, reading, and careful reflection I realized everything wasn't great and the sexless marriage was a symptom of the other problems in the relationship. So the magical Blue Pill that cures the desire for sex would not mask the other problems. So it would only delay the realization that everything is not great. But the realization would still come that your partner is unwilling to interact with and love you in a fulfilling way.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 11, 2019 12:14:04 GMT -5
If a person doesn't miss something or has no desire to do certain things (sexuality) then the "Blue Pill" sounds like a way around a persons frustrations and disappointments. That sounds like a decent medical alternative to some very frustrating and unhappy periods of time. It is sort of like taking an anti-depressant medication and solving the depression. OTH, a person can go through turmoil, end a relationship, and hope they wind up in a relationship that works for both partners. To me it comes down to what risks a person wants to take and how much work they are willing to do on then self and how much work they are willing to do to find a relationship that fits both partners AND continue to make reasonable adjustments. So we have the easy "PILL" or the work route. Written in true Baza style.
But I agree with you.
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Post by Handy on Nov 11, 2019 15:47:05 GMT -5
Solodriver Written in true Baza style.
Hay, we are a "pop a pill nation" so it would be easy for SOME to go the pill route. Others with narcissistic spouses, not so easy.
I have a friend that had to face prostate surgery or maintain erections. He chose surgery and loss of erections and loss of bladder control (dribbles) so has to wear a pad. He is alive and does almost everything normally.
He is married but tells me he is "on his own," which looks like he lives with is W but they don't do anything together.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 11, 2019 16:05:00 GMT -5
Loss of ability to get an erection doesn't have to mean the loss of being sexual. A giving lover will still care for and pleasure their partner. Toys are a lot of fun for both sexes and they make hollow dildos that would help a lot for someone with E.D.
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Post by baza on Nov 11, 2019 17:28:27 GMT -5
This hypothetical hinges on ones' relationship status as being - "everything is great bar the sex". That the only problem in the situation is the sex, and that everything else is just dandy. That there are no other problems bar the sex.
Now to be honest, my deal was - "everything is pretty sub-optimal and there's not even any sex to compensate". Had there been some way to get my deal up to a point where - "everything is great bar the sex" - that would have been a stupendous improvement in my marriage. Probably, if my deal had achieved that lofty standard of "everything is great bar the sex" I could've lived with that, and I'd probably still be in it.
So here's my hypothetical .... You are offered a clarity pill. If you take this pill you will receive clarity and you will be able to see things as they really are.
Would you take it ?
Personally, I have grave doubts that I would be game enough to take the clarity pill. I'd have been very fearful of finding out a lot of shit I'd rather not have known.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 11, 2019 17:49:38 GMT -5
This hypothetical hinges on ones' relationship status as being - "everything is great bar the sex". That the only problem in the situation is the sex, and that everything else is just dandy. That there are no other problems bar the sex. Now to be honest, my deal was - "everything is pretty sub-optimal and there's not even any sex to compensate". Had there been some way to get my deal up to a point where - "everything is great bar the sex" - that would have been a stupendous improvement in my marriage. Probably, if my deal had achieved that lofty standard of "everything is great bar the sex" I could've lived with that, and I'd probably still be in it. So here's my hypothetical .... You are offered a clarity pill. If you take this pill you will receive clarity and you will be able to see things as they really are. Would you take it ? Personally, I have grave doubts that I would be game enough to take the clarity pill. I'd have been very fearful of finding out a lot of shit I'd rather not have known. I took the clarity pill. And nothing has ever been the same since. I'm living my truth and know that there is no going back to what used to be. But now there is hope that I might have something better for my future, that I won't have staying with my roommate wife.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 11, 2019 17:56:50 GMT -5
There was a time that I would have taken it. It was a time I actually believed I had a loving wife that just took a long time to recharge after sex.
Not now. If I could take that pill and go back to the same woman I had loved, no.
The "clarity pill" as Baza described is more what I took. I like knowing the truth. Of course, some of the truth I will never know, but I knew enough to make some hard decisions.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 11, 2019 18:21:58 GMT -5
I also swallowed the clarity pill. I came to EP with the mindset that all was good bar the sex. After a lot of tough love from the folks there I came kicking and screaming to the realization that my then W really did not love me nearly as much as I loved her. And by the end, a yr. or so later I realized she didn't love me much at all, or she would have fought for the marriage as hard as I did.
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Post by hopingforachange on Nov 11, 2019 19:44:49 GMT -5
Oh F NO! I like sex to much.
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Post by sadkat on Nov 11, 2019 23:37:58 GMT -5
Interesting question ScottDinTN. A blue pill may eliminate my sex drive but what about what I really crave? The intimacy, the affection, the closeness.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 11, 2019 23:42:55 GMT -5
I started by saying this was for relationships that were good except for the sex. So, wouldn't work for every relationship. I know many refusers are ok with some closeness, but just to a point.
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Post by sadkat on Nov 11, 2019 23:49:34 GMT -5
I started by saying this was for relationships that were good except for the sex. So, wouldn't work for every relationship. I know many refusers are ok with some closeness, but just to a point. I don’t agree. Sex and intimacy are too closely linked in my opinion. If you lose your desire for sex, you lose intimacy. Of course, it’s just my view. No blue pill for me!
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Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 12, 2019 11:09:54 GMT -5
I respect each person's answer. Its more a question to make people think.
I know some sexless couples where the refuser still likes the closeness of cuddling, hand holding, etc. Just doesnt want to go any farther.
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