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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 6, 2020 10:56:00 GMT -5
Sounds like you're learning about "the dating world". The good part is that you are now older than when you first dated and got married.
Being older means more wisdom about your needs, what your expectations are and what you have to offer to someone else.
You can now chalk things up as " experience". Experiences good and bad, are valuable in helping you decide what's good for YOU!
Care to go a little deeper about being pursued and why you don't want to give back and be open to it?
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 6, 2020 11:27:21 GMT -5
I was. She pulled back. Then the chemistry got weird. I think we are both still hurting too much to fully trust the process. We’re close friends now. Still awkward, though. The door ain’t fully closed, but she’s like a thousand miles away, and well you know... Being a close friend with someone thousands of miles away, has a plus side to it. It gives you good experience in "verbal communication" and it's much easier to let your guard down, be open, vulnerable and honest about your true self and your current problems in life that you are dealing with. It can be a win, win situation. Another plus, comes later, when you meet someone locally, face to face and feel much more confident in communicating. A new dimension opens up when communicating face to face. Eye contact, body movements, touch, manners, respect for what you have to say ( a good listener) and how you respond with no time to think about it, here and now- in the present ,compared to someone who is physically or mentally thousands of miles away......
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Post by jerri on Dec 7, 2020 1:23:27 GMT -5
Sour grapes! With all her silly excuses it looks like you dodged a bullet! I can't wait to hear her her excuses in bed! The only thing she knows how to do is say no.
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Post by Handy on Dec 21, 2020 22:27:20 GMT -5
Padgemi, some teenagers just like to complain and be ungrateful so don't look for a reason or think it is you. It took my kids until they had teenagers of their own to understand what they were like when they were teenagers.
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Post by jerri on Dec 22, 2020 4:02:29 GMT -5
I guess this what I get for going to bed early and trying to catch up on sleep. Everyone who matters is pissed at me folks, and I don't even know why. Parental alienation is on MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and I have the teens until 12/24. Their mom is taking them skiing and I can't even get them to go for a walk. My old faithful trick of home cooked meals isn't working anymore. I cook and they won't touch it. If I don't cook, there is hell to pay and insinuations of neglect. They have a complaint ready for every possible situation. These eggshells are puttin' the old homestead to shame and it took all of my willpower to keep from running down to the package store to buy a fifth of bourbon to drown myself in. [Pats self on back] Good evenin' y'all, -Ultra-sober in TN My brother's son acted out as well during the divorce. Talk to them and ask why ? My brother's ex would send him already fed when she knew that they were going to cook together! She got jealous that he was having fun cooking with his dad. Teens just have a mind of their own. It will get better in time
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 22, 2020 6:12:29 GMT -5
I guess this what I get for going to bed early and trying to catch up on sleep. Everyone who matters is pissed at me folks, and I don't even know why. Parental alienation is on MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and I have the teens until 12/24. Their mom is taking them skiing and I can't even get them to go for a walk. My old faithful trick of home cooked meals isn't working anymore. I cook and they won't touch it. If I don't cook, there is hell to pay and insinuations of neglect. They have a complaint ready for every possible situation. These eggshells are puttin' the old homestead to shame and it took all of my willpower to keep from running down to the package store to buy a fifth of bourbon to drown myself in. Congrats on the restraint. The extra sleep might help. I had a phrase for my wife's complaining. "Don't tell me what not to do. Tell me what TO do." Shut her up right quick. Complaining is lazy work. Thinking about what will make you happy is a lot for emo people like teens and clinically depressed spouses. In the specific case you mention. I'd be telling 'em, I make stuff you don't like and everyone loses, so...what do I make (or order carry out) that will produce consumed food here? I need a way to win guys, or I stop caring. Just human nature. Only so long before trying your best kills you without a sign it matters to somebody. I also used to stop asking my older daughter where she wanted to go or what she wanted for me to make because it was always met with complaints. Younger daughter appreciated the effort. Perhaps one of your kids is the weaker link. Favor the one that bitches less. If the fussy one complains, explain the easygoing one is happy with what you do. So you do more for whoever expresses thanks or at least smiles a little. The whiner knows what they can do. 12/24 is a finish line. Do the best that you feel like and run out the clock. You can know you did the right thing and if that isn't good enough, well... that's kind of why you left. No?
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Post by jerri on Dec 22, 2020 9:41:42 GMT -5
It's not about you
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Post by saarinista on Dec 22, 2020 12:36:14 GMT -5
At least your kids will still speak. You don't know what bad is unless yours are totally estranged.
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Post by jerri on Dec 22, 2020 23:39:50 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 23, 2020 5:43:15 GMT -5
Everyone who matters is pissed at me folks, and I don't even know why. Parental alienation is on MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and I have the teens until 12/24. Their mom is taking them skiing and I can't even get them to go for a walk. My old faithful trick of home cooked meals isn't working anymore. I cook and they won't touch it. If I don't cook, there is hell to pay and insinuations of neglect. They have a complaint ready for every possible situation. These eggshells are puttin' the old homestead to shame and it took all of my willpower to keep from running down to the package store to buy a fifth of bourbon to drown myself in. [Pats self on back] Good evenin' y'all, -Ultra-sober in TN These sort of immature antics aren't limited to teens or younger children. My X has a son who has to be one of the biggest air heads on the planet. No matter how well she treats him he is always on the lookout for a reason to be pi**ed at her and to keep her from seeing the youngest grandchild. My X finally gave up since it's been going on for over a decade. She recently cut him out of any inheritance in her will. You may have a chance with teens who still have a lot to learn and as they aquire life experience can gain a new or different perspective on the divorce.
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Post by jerri on Dec 24, 2020 3:25:31 GMT -5
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Post by sadkat on Feb 22, 2021 22:10:42 GMT -5
It sounds like you are having lots of fun socializing in Nashville! Good for you! I enjoy your journaling. 😊. Please feel free to continue.
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 8, 2021 5:30:00 GMT -5
She may smack the olive branch away, but that's her problem. Pretty nice, Padgemi.
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Post by jerri on Mar 9, 2021 2:02:06 GMT -5
Bravo buddy!!
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Post by sadkat on Mar 11, 2021 18:23:16 GMT -5
Welp... Rejected. I will spare the details. I’m sorry itme! I guess she wasn’t ready for a mature conversation? Hope she becomes more willing to coparent responsibly, given more time to accept her new reality.
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