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Post by jerri on Sept 8, 2020 22:00:05 GMT -5
Is it possible that ex told her to avoid you? Don't you dare get in the car with your dad and if he speaks to you... It really sounds like you made the right decision to guide her. The rest is on her! Little twerps can be mean lil buggggars!
I think in time she will turn around! They don't stay immature for long! I have some bat shit crazy people in my family and just because they act like turd blossoms doesn't mean l have to be a part of their rejection. Easier said than done! What would make you feel better?
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Post by sadkat on Sept 8, 2020 22:11:07 GMT -5
itme- I know that hurt you and you certainly don’t deserve it. Keep showing your love and support. Keep up your efforts to stay in contact with them. One day they will notice and will respond positively. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
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Post by Handy on Sept 8, 2020 22:29:06 GMT -5
I am thinking females bond somewhat to their own gender and maybe your X painted you as the whole problem and she is perfect.
Sorry you have to go through this.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2020 22:42:46 GMT -5
What padgemi is going through is probably my biggest fear of asking my wife for a separation - losing the affection of my kids for something that they would be told is "dad's fault". Objectively, I know such feelings would be temporary until they grew up a little and understood more about the situation, but until then it would be gut wrenching.
Hang in there, padgemi.
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Post by isthisit on Sept 9, 2020 0:11:30 GMT -5
I am very sorry you are having to endure this itme . Your exW is being a grade A bitch and no mistake. I understand that it hurts you deeply. It will be no consolation to you today but in time things will improve. Your girls love you as much as they ever did and will come good when the waters have settled. They will also view your exW’s appalling behaviour through a different lens too you just have to be patient and keep giving the dreadful woman enough rope to hang herself. Just keep being you. Your standards of co-parenting conduct, communication and consideration. Which just makes ExW’s choices look worse every time. In the dark moments your mantra is- they love me as much as they ever did, my time will come. And it will.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 9, 2020 0:12:21 GMT -5
Even if you were married they might be little terrors. Stay the course and find your bliss so your kids aren't responsible for your misery.
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 9, 2020 17:54:31 GMT -5
I am thinking females bond somewhat to their own gender and maybe your X painted you as the whole problem and she is perfect. Sorry you have to go through this. This. We've heard stories about ex-spouses that poison the kids' brains. What I'd like to ask parents that crap on their exes is, your kids are awesome, right? That means your ex is at least 50% awesome. Statistically, 75% awesome for Padgemi's two daughters. (random assortment of genes indicates 25% in one daughter, 25 more in the other and 25 more shared.) Perhaps pointing out a spouse must love a lot about their ex because the kids are so great, might paint the praising, loving spouse in a good, magnanimous light and get them questioning how the "bad spouse" can be so bad if their mum loves them so much.
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Post by baza on Sept 9, 2020 19:28:52 GMT -5
There are a couple of observations to be made here Brother itme (none of which are very helpful in the immediate sense) #1 - Everyone involved is still adjusting to the new circumstances (you included) in their own way and at their own pace. Like Sister jerri has noted above, it is highly likely that these things will work themselves out - given a bit of time. Unlike being in an ILIASM shithole, "time" is your friend now. #2 - these particular problems - as distressing/annoying as they may be - are way better problems to have than the problems of still being in an ILIASM shithole.
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Post by sadkat on Sept 10, 2020 21:36:43 GMT -5
Way to go itme! You are a great dad!
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Post by jerri on Sept 12, 2020 12:34:06 GMT -5
Thursday night. My turn in the custody dance. I referenced back to Dad rule # 1: The fastest way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach. Especially if there’s homemade cornbread. ;-) Remembering to set the table. Continuing to not badger them about not answering their phones. And remembering “what happens on the course stays on the course.” Earned me hugs from one and dinner conversation from both this evenin’. Should be enough to help me sleep better tonight. ;-) Thanks y’all! Yeah! Baby! Woo hoo! Now you know what happened! A fun song of shinny happy people dancing! Just for you! 💜
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Post by jerri on Dec 6, 2020 1:50:21 GMT -5
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Post by jerri on Dec 6, 2020 3:55:50 GMT -5
I have been pursued since divorce in June, which was nice, but now is the first time I’ve done any pursuing, and got shut down pretty solid tonight. It's all about the numbers. I hate to say it but it's a numbers game. I'm sorry that happened to you! She probably wasn't there to have a talk or reach out to you. She was probably there to blow off some steam or... I have some friends that were not even nice to men who were wanting to dance etc. They acted haughty and stuck up! How dare a man try to socialize with us! It was really quite sad. Her parents owned a large bar and we would work during the day barbacks. I was amazed at how some of the ladies acted. I did want to dance and have fun, only she would answer for all of us gals. We loved playing darts and shuffle board. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but I couldn't get over how rude women were. At one point, a group of us at work went to a place to dance. I just wanted to dance, I decided to be assertive. I asked and he said no. I went to another table and he said no, thanks... I just stopped and waited for them to come to me. So I feel ya. Haven't been to many bars in my life, but when I did, I really felt bad on both sides. I wasn't even looking for a date. It was pretty innocent Would this unique observation work?
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Post by jerri on Dec 6, 2020 6:35:37 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 6, 2020 8:15:38 GMT -5
I don't have the option of walking away, folks. It looks like we are going to both be a fixture at Sid's for the foreseeable future. So I guess I'll have to pick some lame-ass cover song next time. Any requests? :-) Do yourself a favor and drop your pursuit of this woman. From 400 miles away(my house to Nashville) it's pretty obvious she isn't finding you date or mate material. Maybe she had a bad experience with an architect in another life.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 6, 2020 10:30:13 GMT -5
I love how you tell a story itme. My advice- take it easy. Seek a friendship first. No pressure for either of you. Let things develop at their own pace. It could be that all you’ll be able to achieve is friendship but she’ll be one more friend than you had before. I’m guessing the song you requested brought back memories she didn’t want to deal with last night. You never know, you may yet hear it (and the story behind it) one day.
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