She’s talking to me again. Not sure if that’s good or bad…
On the premise that it could be a good thing,...I'm guessing that most of the conversations revolve around day to day activities and tasks. During the period my X was looking to move out I used our conversations to steer the discourse toward amiable approaches to dissolving the marriage. I made it clear I would be as fair and generous as I could be. And I often went along when she looked at potential new places. I wanted her to have the best start possible as a single person again. Steering the conversation toward what was in her long term interest and away from just taking the fastest route I felt to be also in my best long term interest has proven itself since our parting. We remain friends although most of the communicating is initiated by me. My point being stay focused on the goals and use the opportunities that present themselves to guide the split as much as possible toward the best ending for both of you.
I’m so sorry she resorted to this itme. It’s upsetting when kids are used as weapons. It’s not fair to the kids. You were ill, you went to the hospital, you got treatment, and you fill your Rx routinely. She has no case against you and it’s wrong to deny your daughter a fun opportunity with her father just because she’s pissed about the divorce. I hope you take your daughter on the hike anyway and enjoy it!
Post by northstarmom on Dec 12, 2019 23:18:47 GMT -5
Padgemi: “ She has 6 days left to sign before the expiration date and if she don't I will then proceed to mention to my attorney that W had postpartum depression after the birth of our youngest; that is precisely when the marriage went to shit 13 years ago; and I don't think she ever got over it; further, 2 separate marriage counsellors recommended that SHE get individual therapy, and that is precisely when SHE ended couples counseling both times. ”
Whether or not your wife signs, you need to tell your lawyer about your wife’s depression and the counselor’s recommendations. Providing this info wouldn’t be about getting revenge on your wife. It would be to help your children have a mom who is able to care for them appropriately when they are in her care. It’s would not be a punishment for your wife to have to have therapy for a mental health evaluation. Depression is an illness.
Post by hopingforachange on Dec 13, 2019 7:22:29 GMT -5
Tell your lawyer everything, you are a team and they need to know in order to plan your defense.
My brother's lawyer brought to light, in a dignified way, that the ex-w isn't treating her mental health issues, the judge became the "bad guy" and made it a condition of child custody. He got lucky and got a judge that draws a hard line with mental health. The judge sees it like someone that chooses to not treat a physical illness. In court when the exW was pushing back against treatment, the judge cut her off and said, I wouldn't give custody to a parent with type 1 diabetes that wasn't following the doctor prescribed treatment plan, the risks to their life and therefore the children's lives is to great and the behavioral patterns is telling me that there is additional untreated issues. But once the diabetes treatment plan is being followed, then the issue has be mitigated and is something that I call point to, to show the person has corrected the behavioral patterns.
Post by greatcoastal on Dec 13, 2019 8:18:42 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are going through this. Stay determined, and get as much backing from your attorney as possible.
My circumstances where similar. Had a judge heard half of the illegal ,cold , manipulative,lying, controlling tactics my now ex did, I would have come out smelling like a roze!
Instead my ex used a corrupt system to avoid a judge by dragging our divorce through attorney after attorney. Her narcissistic, controlling behavior and illegal tactics continue on to this day. Parental alienation, breaking the parenting plan, not paying alimony and child support, etc...
Be ready and don't agree to mediations, you may be much better off getting in front of "the right" judge. Your attorney knows which judge.
You may be able to get a restraining order and get your daughters removed from her toxic, manipulative, brainwashing tactics.
FOCUS, FOCUS, on the alternative parent and lifestyle YOU can/will/do offer your children, and encourage them to help you and support you.
Post by northstarmom on Dec 13, 2019 13:19:37 GMT -5
“Now, she actually seems to believe I’m capable of harming my daughters, even though I continued to pick them up from school, unsupervised, as recently as yesterday, and the kids are defending me.
She’s also wants to shut me out of the joint checking account in my name, even though I typically get the groceries, need to buy gas to pick up the kids, etc. and even though she has given no indication whether she will sign. Presently, my only other accounts are business-related.
W is also audibly and angrily expressing her frustration with the girls. Example: yesterday she was on D1’s case simply for not putting the shampoo away.”
What you are describing sound to me like the kinds of concerns people may have when they start thinking about the consequences of divorce: how well will their spouse take care of the kids when they are the only one responsible; can the spouse be trusted to be fair with joint assets. I’m betting that your wife didn’t mean it when she agreed to the divorce and now she is faced with the reality of how it will affect her life.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to pin clinical labels on such things because it could make you seem vengeful or even a bit delusional.
Unless your wife was physically harming or cursing at your daughter over the shampoo what you described doesn’t sound pathological. I think it will cast you in a bad light if you start taping things that are not really harmful.
I found it easiest to let my lawyer handle a divorce-related communications with my now ex. This can include decisions about things like joint accounts.
The support of an individual therapist also helped me clarify my own thinking and it helped with my stress.
Post by greatcoastal on Dec 13, 2019 15:46:49 GMT -5
She wants to shut you out of the joint checking account in your name?
I am surprised your attorney has not already advised you to shut down all joint accounts. Withdraw 50% and open a new account in your name. Things like paying for groceries, school supplies, kids medical bills, utilities, should still be shared, but most likely will not be. Keep an accurate record of your expenses and seek temporary relief through your attorney.
itme, although I’m sure divorce lawyers are used to the drama, I wonder if your underlying points might have been lost in the detail of your note to him. The highlights I gleaned from earlier in the thread...
* Your wife is trying to leverage your mental health history against you, although it’s been treated satisfactorily for 8 years and you have a clean bill of health.
* She’s interfering with your access to the kids and joint assets, and fabricating new concerns with family activities that she’s been comfortable with for nearly a decade.
* She has her own suite of behavioral challenges that she has refused to address, despite recommendations from two therapists.
Beyond this, he can ask for details if he needs them (and you can offer more), but I think it’s more important that he understands the theme of your concerns first, so he can assess whether they have merit in the negotiations.
Hopefully, this is all moot because she’s agreed to sign the papers, but those odds are probably low.
p.s. - stop depositing your income into joint accounts. Open a new personal account in your name; at minimum make your deposits there, and ask your attorney whether you can/should move some joint funds there. It’s still a joint asset, but you retain control. Also evaluate your joint credit cards, and who is the primary cardholder on each, because that person holds the power to cancel cards.
Last Edit: Dec 14, 2019 21:33:48 GMT -5 by DryCreek
Wow itme- I’m sorry! I can imagine how difficult this is for you! More vindictiveness. I will never understand why some people feel they must resort to this- especially with those they claimed to love at some point. I guess they put all of the wonderful memories in a box and only concentrate on the negativity? How are the kids doing?
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njsojourner: My advice to those Suffering: screw it! Literally. Everyone deserves a fulfilling sexual life. Get it however you can. Life is short. I have no illusions —when I get caught my wife will have to decide what’s most important to her. I am not stopping!
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