She said “YES!”

I wondered that myself?

However, let's focus on the POSITIVE.

This shows your willingness to change, to adapt and move outside your level of comfort.

There's more to come, but in the end it so well worth it!

Here's to new beginnings!

Makes sense to sleep in separate beds if one is getting a divorce. Why sleep next to a person whom you are separating your life from? Sleeping on a couch or spare room would be more comfortable. A couple of years before divorcing I moved to the couch. The couch was more cuddly than my refuser.

I agree it makes no sense to sleep next to the person one is divorcing. My concern is that appearances can lead to perception, and perception can become reality. By moving to the couch padgemi may be giving his children the appearance that he is the one causing the marriage to end. This is especially concerning if his spouse is vocally broadcasting that he is the one ruining things. 

Northstarmom
Frankly, I think she was bluffing about being willing to end the marriage. She never expected him to follow through.

Exactly!

It is similar to you can't fire me I quit. Some people just want to think they have the upper hand so say or do impulsive things.

itme I'm sorry your wife is being a jerk. Unfortunately your story is all too common. For whatever reason, I've heard more than I care to hear about women acting like real a-holes when it comes to divorce, especially when it comes to taking over the kids. Not okay. (Men do it too, but not as much from my reading.)

I'd like to suggest that you worry about YOURSELF right now and not what your kids may or may not be thinking. There's no way to tell. You can't read their minds. Just get through the divorce and take care of yourself. It's important that you DO take care of yourself so you will still able to coparent your kids. You matter. Don't let your wife tear you down because that will deter your ability to parent.

It seems to me that these days many people worry too much about the effect of the divorce on children, but not enough about the effect on them of continuing a bad marriage. I grew up with two parents who fought a lot and I was always in the middle. It wasn't physical violence, but it was still traumatic. And when they weren't fighting, they there was a lot of cold silence. I fight the emotional scars of that to this day.

Obviously, the care of children is of great concern in marriage, but I honestly think the tendency to put the children rather than the parents at the center of the marriage is a big problem. If the parents are happy, then the marriage will not work, and the kids will suffer.

It's better for children to to learn about difficult realities when they're still kids, with guidance and commentary from their carers, in my opinion. Obviously I'm not suggesting children be abused or unduly shoved into the middle of conflict, but there needs to be a balance here.

Further, I don't think any child is entitled to a perfect childhood or coddling by their parents. Kids must learn about the difficult side of life as well as the fun side, or they will be in for a rude awakening, and in fact may never mature emotionally.

Parents matter too.

I agree. You don’t need to fight back, but clearly and calmly state that you won’t tolerate that treatment.

Also, make sure you’re talking to your kids and reassure them that they are not to blame. Their emotional safety and security is important. They need to see you as their loving father and be able to trust that you’ll advocate for them—and for yourself. It matters now, and it will matter in the long run.