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Post by padgemi on Nov 10, 2019 13:49:54 GMT -5
I asked her if she wanted to be single again, and SHE SAID YES!!!
Everything’s a bit surreal right now...
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Post by sadkat on Nov 10, 2019 15:13:00 GMT -5
I asked her if she wanted to be single again, and SHE SAID YES!!! Everything’s a bit surreal right now... Oh my goodness padgemi! How are you feeling about that (other than it being surreal, that is)? |
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Post by elynne on Nov 10, 2019 16:53:27 GMT -5
I asked her if she wanted to be single again, and SHE SAID YES!!! Everything’s a bit surreal right now... How are you doing? Are you ok? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 10, 2019 19:36:54 GMT -5
I asked her if she wanted to be single again, and SHE SAID YES!!! Everything’s a bit surreal right now... If you're up to it, maybe sharing the context of the situation, the before and after can be of help? Sorry for all the mental turmoil our spouses put us through. Will this be a tipping point? |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 10, 2019 20:04:06 GMT -5
Does that mean she clearly agreed to divorce? Otherwise, she may have been indicating she wants to be a widow soon.
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Post by padgemi on Nov 12, 2019 7:30:55 GMT -5
Context; She has known I want out for at least 10 months, maybe more.
It came up during the heat of the moment when I casually mentioned talking to a guy at the bank about fishing, and she immediately starts in: “WHAT R U DOING AT THE BANK, HUH?” And other sweet nothings insinuating I am hiding money, to which I explained that I opened a cash reserve account with funds from my business (which is none of hers), and I told her the amount. Then she asks why I didn’t tell her, and I said I just did, it happened this week, but the answer to your question is “ I don’t trust YOU.”
And that’s about when I popped the question.
I actually think we are mutually happy about this.
I called my lawyer 1st thing yesterday and left a message. Waiting...
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Post by elynne on Nov 12, 2019 17:46:59 GMT -5
Context; She has known I want out for at least 10 months, maybe more. It came up during the heat of the moment when I casually mentioned talking to a guy at the bank about fishing, and she immediately starts in: “WHAT R U DOING AT THE BANK, HUH?” And other sweet nothings insinuating I am hiding money, to which I explained that I opened a cash reserve account with funds from my business (which is none of hers), and I told her the amount. Then she asks why I didn’t tell her, and I said I just did, it happened this week, but the answer to your question is “ I don’t trust YOU.” And that’s about when I popped the question. I actually think we are mutually happy about this. I called my lawyer 1st thing yesterday and left a message. Waiting... I feel a bit uncomfortable clicking on ‘like’. I know things are probably going to get rough. It seems divorce brings out the worst in us. And man, it’s a tough row to hoe. But you sound clear headed and strong. Just here to tell you, life is pretty damn good on the other side. And sex? It can be fucking awesome. Like I had NO idea! If I had known THIS was what I was missing I wouldn’t have stuck around so long. Joking aside, the divorce is gonna suck. But it’s worth it. Life gets much better. |
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Post by baza on Nov 12, 2019 18:13:31 GMT -5
Up until now Brother padgemi , you hadn't seen a lawyer. Good to see you are now onto that oversight. This bit following is directed at newbies - If you are in an ILIASM deal it is smart to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction so you know at least theoretically how a divorce would shake out for you. You aren't obligated to do anything with the information, but it is useful information to have so you can make a fully informed choice about your situation. Also, it is good information for you to have so you don't get blindsided in the event that your spouse initiates a divorce - which appears to be happening here (and also happened to Brothers ironhamster and james and a couple of other members) The continuation (or cessation) of your marriage is NOT entirely down to your choice. Your spouse can (and sometimes does) make the choice. Be prepared. |
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Post by shamwow on Nov 13, 2019 8:42:45 GMT -5
Up until now Brother padgemi , you hadn't seen a lawyer. Good to see you are now onto that oversight. This bit following is directed at newbies - If you are in an ILIASM deal it is smart to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction so you know at least theoretically how a divorce would shake out for you. You aren't obligated to do anything with the information, but it is useful information to have so you can make a fully informed choice about your situation. Also, it is good information for you to have so you don't get blindsided in the event that your spouse initiates a divorce - which appears to be happening here (and also happened to Brothers ironhamster and james and a couple of other members) The continuation (or cessation) of your marriage is NOT entirely down to your choice. Your spouse can (and sometimes does) make the choice. Be prepared. I agree with Baza. You said that the business is none of her business. Actually in many (most) jurisdictions, it is literally half of her business. A good attorney will provide guidance to your specific situation. Good luck, brother. |
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Post by workingonit on Nov 13, 2019 14:12:41 GMT -5
Ooof. padgemi this is harsh but I am actually happy for you. You are going to be fine! And likely even happier! Ultimately she is doing you a favor. Keep posting! We are here for you! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 13, 2019 15:02:54 GMT -5
Interesting, sad, and not surprised...that it comes back to the second leading factor in divorce....money!
(A very close 2nd. In some polls it's the leading factor for a divorce. Sex being the first.)
Hence it's more than just the money, it's also about control. Sharing that control, and trusting each other to openly, honestly, communicate about how that control is shared and used.
Something that is severely missing in how your W has 'communicated 'with you in the past.
Always interesting how our SM partners react when the shoe is on the other foot!
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Post by padgemi on Nov 14, 2019 14:52:24 GMT -5
Up until now Brother padgemi , you hadn't seen a lawyer. Good to see you are now onto that oversight. This bit following is directed at newbies - If you are in an ILIASM deal it is smart to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction so you know at least theoretically how a divorce would shake out for you. You aren't obligated to do anything with the information, but it is useful information to have so you can make a fully informed choice about your situation. Also, it is good information for you to have so you don't get blindsided in the event that your spouse initiates a divorce - which appears to be happening here (and also happened to Brothers ironhamster and james and a couple of other members) The continuation (or cessation) of your marriage is NOT entirely down to your choice. Your spouse can (and sometimes does) make the choice. Be prepared. Thanks Baz. Actually I did see this lawyer 2 years ago this week, according to her file. But I never followed up with her. Until now. We worked out a settlement proposal this morning.  She is supposed to get it drafted within a week. This just feels like the right time. This seems to have relieved more tension at home than it caused (for both of us). We'll see if W will sign off... |
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Post by padgemi on Nov 14, 2019 14:57:16 GMT -5
Up until now Brother padgemi , you hadn't seen a lawyer. Good to see you are now onto that oversight. This bit following is directed at newbies - If you are in an ILIASM deal it is smart to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction so you know at least theoretically how a divorce would shake out for you. You aren't obligated to do anything with the information, but it is useful information to have so you can make a fully informed choice about your situation. Also, it is good information for you to have so you don't get blindsided in the event that your spouse initiates a divorce - which appears to be happening here (and also happened to Brothers ironhamster and james and a couple of other members) The continuation (or cessation) of your marriage is NOT entirely down to your choice. Your spouse can (and sometimes does) make the choice. Be prepared. I agree with Baza. You said that the business is none of her business. Actually in many (most) jurisdictions, it is literally half of her business. A good attorney will provide guidance to your specific situation. Good luck, brother. I guess the judge will see it that way, but I poured the last 2+++ years of my life into it and she barely lifted a finger to help me, even those 2 or 3 times I dared ask. So I guess you might say I have some entitlement mentality about it. :-) |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 14, 2019 15:19:54 GMT -5
Btw, did you know that in many places, you don’t need your spouse’s permission to divorce them?
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Post by padgemi on Nov 14, 2019 15:23:46 GMT -5
Ooof. padgemi this is harsh but I am actually happy for you. You are going to be fine! And likely even happier! Ultimately she is doing you a favor. Keep posting! We are here for you! Thanks! I’m already happier! And just between us: I think she is too. |
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