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Post by Handy on Nov 3, 2019 1:40:46 GMT -5
If love was truly present, why would a person withhold sex from the one they love? Being sexless is not normal! If a person isn't that interested is sex love is not often strong enough to create sexual desire. Example: I love you but I don't like Limberger cheese and refuse to eat it. I might have the attitude of "Take that cheese and eat it outside." IOW, do it without me. Some people can not "love them self into sexuality. They can become sexual enough to make babies and then go back to being asexual. According to a few web articles I have read, gay men and lesbian women will sometimes have sex to make a baby but once the job is in the oven, that is it. One thing I didn't like in the podcast was "sex is a marital right" I think it is a "marital expectation" and if it doesn't happen, then there needs to be ways to have the problem fixed.
I didn't hear much advice about solving a sexless relationship. It was more a warning to low sex drive spouses, but I doubt many LD spouses would take the warnings or advice. To me low sex drive is low sex drive and that is good enough for the LD partner.
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Post by isthisit on Nov 3, 2019 2:21:03 GMT -5
Perhaps I am being pedantic, but the image irritated me. Surprise, surprise.... a sexually active man and a refusing woman. I am very likely being over sensitive here, but these stereotypes piss me off mightily.
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Post by Handy on Nov 3, 2019 11:33:05 GMT -5
isthisit I am very likely being over sensitive here, but these stereotypes piss me off mightily. It is my belief from comments I hear from men, the pod cast's male vs female ratio of refusers seems to indicate more women avoid sexual encounters than men. I know women being refused is most likely under reported and there isn't much out there for refused women. Most men can "bust a nut" orgasm in a few minuets and from reading and actual one-on-one experience, most women take a much longer time to orgasm, which works out in my opinion, to most women do not get as much orgasmic satisfaction as most men. My W said it takes too much work for her to orgasm so she doesn't want to try. She could orgasm if when she wanted to get PG and we were having sex everyday. My W was aware her orgasm increased the likelihood she would become PG. Making babies sex was very good. OTH, multi-orgasmic women, well what can I say. I have zero experience in that fantasy land. Yes, isthisit, I too was sort of put off with several of the presenters comments as one-sided but he did include short comments about men that avoid sex with their partners. I think Esther Perel has a better grasp of sexuality with in a relationship.
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Post by deadzone75 on Nov 3, 2019 14:22:20 GMT -5
This is why I don't read articles or listen to alleged experts relating to the matter. It's generally "man want sex, woman just want cuddles" BS.
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Post by Handy on Nov 3, 2019 14:45:25 GMT -5
No doubt the pod cast host has his opinions and expressed them. That is his prerogative. It may not apply to most people's situation. I can understand why itme relates to him. Until about 10 years ago I never heard of a woman being ignored sexually, it was always a problem many men had to face. Other bias based beliefs I thought were real was mostly only hookers gave blow jobs and no respectable person engaged in anal sex. My point is people have their biases weather real or culturally influenced. I suppose if Sammy Jackson can have a pod cast most anyone can do the same. I saw a training kit on how to have an Internet based radio station. Welcome to where almost anyone can be a supposed expert and spout off what they think is "the Right Way."
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Post by isthisit on Nov 3, 2019 14:48:18 GMT -5
isthisit I am very likely being over sensitive here, but these stereotypes piss me off mightily. It is my belief from comments I hear from men, the pod cast's male vs female ratio of refusers seems to indicate more women avoid sexual encounters than men. I know women being refused is most likely under reported and there isn't much out there for refused women. Most men can "bust a nut" orgasm in a few minuets and from reading and actual one-on-one experience, most women take a much longer time to orgasm, which works out in my opinion, to most women do not get as much orgasmic satisfaction as most men. My W said it takes too much work for her to orgasm so she doesn't want to try. She could orgasm if when she wanted to get PG and we were having sex everyday. My W was aware her orgasm increased the likelihood she would become PG. Making babies sex was very good. OTH, multi-orgasmic women, well what can I say. I have zero experience in that fantasy land. Yes, isthisit, I too was sort of put off with several of the presenters comments as one-sided but he did include short comments about men that avoid sex with their partners. I think Esther Perel has a better grasp of sexuality with in a relationship. Handy thank you for your reply. I am confused about your W’s view that orgasms take ‘work’. I have never found this the case at all. Far from it! I am not sure I agree that men can reach orgasm more quickly and effortlessly than women. I imagine many of the ladies here will confirm that this can be a highly speedy event at times. It is also worth pointing out that for the female half of the baby making equation orgasm is not at all required. Despite this, I am glad for you that the baby making years were good ones.
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Post by isthisit on Nov 3, 2019 15:02:53 GMT -5
This is why I don't read articles or listen to alleged experts relating to the matter. It's generally "man want sex, woman just want cuddles" BS. Well I do want cuddles.... right after a thoroughly good seeing to 😉. Yeah, you are spot on deadzone75 those stereotypes are very unhelpful and prohibitive for women in a SM situation from gaining support and understanding from others. I understand that men complain at will about being kept short amongst their peers.
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Post by Handy on Nov 3, 2019 15:19:35 GMT -5
isthisit Handy thank you for your reply. I am confused about your W’s view that orgasms take ‘work’. First off, I am not a 2 stroke and explode guy but when I was younger there were only so many strokes (10 15 minuets) I could last. My W took a long time to orgasm. Maybe if I could have lasted 45minuets it might have happened for her. My second issue was I was so unaware of female sexuality I didn't explore anything other than vanilla moves and my W kept telling me she didn't know what she liked that she could tell me in advance, so not much learning happened. I think I can count on my fingers and maybe my toes how many "O's" my W has had in out long marriage. I don't even think she knew most orgasms were clit stimulation based. At one time I never knew a woman had a clit. Women having an "O" in a few seconds or minuets, that was not even an idea I could grasp many years ago and until I got the Internet and even then I was thinking someone is making up this stuff. Now I buy it that some women can and I also have read many, many stories by women that an "O" isn't necessary and the guy pushing to cause her to "O is counter productive and just the closeness is what she wants. OK, that is how it was for me towards the end of our sexual activity. I got some closeness and some sexual play time and she got her closeness and what ever my handy worked (hands) could transfer to her needs. Yes the baby making was "fuck me now and do it like you mean it, deep and robust" was great. I know her "O" isn't required but if she thinks an "O" would speed up the process, from my end it was a super bonus and the best sex I ever had. My W was my only sexual partner so a sample size of one isn't that valid to make a generalization that applies to other people or groups. Having sex with a woman where we loved each other and her being orgasmic would be soooo nice. Yes I believe it happens but I also consider it rare in my age group. Right now some skin to skin, making out time would be great. I will bet you a 12 oz can of soda I would do some more adventurous things in a loving relationship if given a chance.
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Post by isthisit on Nov 3, 2019 15:30:08 GMT -5
No woman wants a guy to last 45 minutes. Yawn..... I don’t doubt you could have the time of your life with an open minded and compatible woman Handy . I very much wish this for you. It is a great shame for men and women of your generation that socialisation of the value of virginity before marriage has prevented understanding and exploration of sexuality. Subsequent generations have had it much easier with education, awareness and understanding. Tough for you guys.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 3, 2019 17:17:10 GMT -5
"No woman wants a guy to last..."
Um. Yes, they do.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 3, 2019 17:33:41 GMT -5
No woman wants a guy to last 45 minutes. Yawn..... I don’t doubt you could have the time of your life with an open minded and compatible woman Handy . I very much wish this for you. It is a great shame for men and women of your generation that socialisation of the value of virginity before marriage has prevented understanding and exploration of sexuality. Subsequent generations have had it much easier with education, awareness and understanding. Tough for you guys. Tough for everyone. The church attitude was that they will figure it out. In practice, it just doesn't work that way. And, that stereotype helps nobody. High libido women with refusing husbands look to blame themselves for not being desireable enough. Guys with refusing wives conclude it is just natural and acquiesce to the abuse. As for that 45 minute thing, I believe every two pump chump can achieve rock star performance. It is like getting in shape or losing weight, though. Most guys won't do what it takes to get better.
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Post by Handy on Nov 3, 2019 19:41:09 GMT -5
isthisit No woman wants a guy to last 45 minutes. The 45 minutes I spoke about is what it might take her. My preference is 20 or 30 being coupled together with part of that time just being still. isthisit, my W doesn't do much that involves work, competition or study. If it isn't easy she passes on the idea. She likes remote control devices, but looks to me to change the batteries on the remote control when they are low. Today she set her grandfather clock by stopping it, starting it an hour later and advancing it to the correct time. She really wants clocks with automatic DST adjustments and complains about the clocks we have. I am not replacing appliances because the clock is not DST automatic. I did the other 9 clocks in a few minuets, easy-peasy .
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