|
Post by worksforme2 on Nov 5, 2019 21:00:10 GMT -5
Some people actually get away with living in their storage unit. Now that is a tiny house! lol Want to talk really tiny. There are storage units that are 3x5x8h in some facilities. I saw a guy living in one of those. He had a small TV and was sitting/sleeping in a recliner. He could stay warm by plugging in an electric blanket in the winter, but there was no way to install air conditioning. At best he could improvise a fan. But his costs couldn't have been more than $50 monthly to be out of the weather.
|
|
|
Post by angeleyes65 on Nov 6, 2019 6:19:17 GMT -5
Yes, affection. At first it just made it hurt worse to be affectionate when I didn't feel loved. After awhile it was that I didn't have the same feelings and wasn't going to fake it. But I also quit other things like making his doctor appts. Calling in and picking up his medicine. Going on vacation with him. And most outings that we went to together for him. Telling him what was going on in the adult kids lives.
|
|
|
Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 6, 2019 22:42:13 GMT -5
Yes, affection. At first it just made it hurt worse to be affectionate when I didn't feel loved. After awhile it was that I didn't have the same feelings and wasn't going to fake it. But I also quit other things like making his doctor appts. Calling in and picking up his medicine. Going on vacation with him. And most outings that we went to together for him. Telling him what was going on in the adult kids lives. I think it is natural to cut back on affection when you don't feel loved physically. Its a way to protect yourself. Refusers see physical intimacy as something that is optional, not essential. To me, physical love is just that, an act of love. And when it is rejected, you are rejecting love and connection from your spouse. I've done many of the same things as I have falling out of romantic love with my wife. Not going out of my way and letting her do the things that only benefit her. We probably text more than talk now days. And its mainly on coordinating schedules to pick up the kids. That kinda thing.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Nov 7, 2019 2:06:49 GMT -5
Down sizing?
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Nov 9, 2019 22:26:51 GMT -5
Even when I want to be affectionate with my W (cuddling, holding hands, or just moving closer in bed), my resentment rears its head and I think better of it. I have a hard time even paying her a simple compliment these days without swallowing the words.
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Nov 10, 2019 3:32:23 GMT -5
Even when I want to be affectionate with my W (cuddling, holding hands, or just moving closer in bed), my resentment rears its head and I think better of it. I have a hard time even paying her a simple compliment these days without swallowing the words. Oh yes this rang bells from my SM. I similarly began to resent the casual affection and touching which was normal for me. I also began to resent those everyday actions undertaken simply to delight H such as a little note in his lunchbox, making his favourite food, texting him in the workday so he knew he was in my thoughts. I stopped it all as the resentment got too much. After a little while, I became conflicted as this was just not me. I enjoyed the kindness, being thoughtful and communicating his importance to me. The conflict was because he did not appreciate it and he certainly didn’t reciprocate. So rather than change who I was, I changed his place in my life. I look forward one day to have someone to spoil.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Nov 10, 2019 4:05:36 GMT -5
Even when I want to be affectionate with my W (cuddling, holding hands, or just moving closer in bed), my resentment rears its head and I think better of it. I have a hard time even paying her a simple compliment these days without swallowing the words. Oh yes this rang bells from my SM. I similarly began to resent the casual affection and touching which was normal for me. I also began to resent those everyday actions undertaken simply to delight H such as a little note in his lunchbox, making his favourite food, texting him in the workday so he knew he was in my thoughts. I stopped it all as the resentment got too much. After a little while, I became conflicted as this was just not me. I enjoyed the kindness, being thoughtful and communicating his importance to me. The conflict was because he did not appreciate it and he certainly didn’t reciprocate. So rather than change who I was, I changed his place in my life. I look forward one day to have someone to spoil. Sounds familiar. I love being affectionate. So since I was rejected for giving affection and never receiving any back, she is now my legal roommate and I would not show affection to a roommate.
I too look forward to a day when I will have someone to spoil with love and affection all the time who would appreciate it.
|
|
|
Post by angeleyes65 on Nov 18, 2019 9:41:17 GMT -5
I feel like I already commented on this but don't see it. If this is a repeat scroll on by lol I think I'm getting senile. I did cut back on certain things not to fix it or to punish but more to prepare him for being alone. I still cooked and cleaned, it kept me busy. Did laundry. But I quit paying his medical bills. Calling in his prescriptions. Making appointments for him doctor and car. I also quit expecting him to do things for my car he had pretty much quit anyway. So I just made appts and took it in.
|
|
|
Post by ScottDinTN on Nov 19, 2019 0:05:13 GMT -5
a little note in his lunchbox, making his favourite food, texting him in the workday so he knew he was in my thoughts. Wow. I've never had that. It would be amazing to experience that from a lover and I would gladly reciprocate. He's the loser.
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Nov 19, 2019 1:21:22 GMT -5
a little note in his lunchbox, making his favourite food, texting him in the workday so he knew he was in my thoughts. Wow. I've never had that. It would be amazing to experience that from a lover and I would gladly reciprocate. He's the loser. Ah thanks. I enjoy doing these things. I hope one day you find yourself in a situation where you receive such thoughtfulness simply for the joy it brings you. It’s what life’s all about.
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Nov 19, 2019 1:49:44 GMT -5
Notes in my lunchbox? Better yet just make sure my Mukluks are warm and dry in the morning.
|
|
|
Post by h on Nov 19, 2019 7:36:54 GMT -5
a little note in his lunchbox, making his favourite food, texting him in the workday so he knew he was in my thoughts. Wow. I've never had that. It would be amazing to experience that from a lover and I would gladly reciprocate. He's the loser. I've never had a woman other than my mother make me a lunch to take. Forget the notes, I'd be happy to have my lunch made.
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Nov 19, 2019 15:45:05 GMT -5
Wow I didn’t realise it was so extraordinary. I did a million and one little things explicitly intended to communicate what he meant to me, to bring him joy and to feel loved when we were apart. I suppose I thought this was what everyone did.
Sort of like “I love you” in actions rather than words. Actions always speak louder than words I find. For both good and ill.
|
|
|
Post by h on Nov 19, 2019 16:08:51 GMT -5
Wow I didn’t realise it was so extraordinary. I did a million and one little things explicitly intended to communicate what he meant to me, to bring him joy and to feel loved when we were apart. I suppose I thought this was what everyone did. Sort of like “I love you” in actions rather than words. Actions always speak louder than words I find. For both good and ill. I absolutely agree. Actions speak louder than words. Inaction can say just as much. The little things that you do would mean the world to any man who appreciates them. Sadly, yours did not.
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Nov 19, 2019 16:13:18 GMT -5
Wow I didn’t realise it was so extraordinary. I did a million and one little things explicitly intended to communicate what he meant to me, to bring him joy and to feel loved when we were apart. I suppose I thought this was what everyone did. Sort of like “I love you” in actions rather than words. Actions always speak louder than words I find. For both good and ill. I absolutely agree. Actions speak louder than words. Inaction can say just as much. The little things that you do would mean the world to any man who appreciates them. Sadly, yours did not. The same can be said for us (women). Those small little things that men do to show they care mean the world to us! In my world, a big romantic gesture is nice but the little thoughtful gestures are priceless. What do the rest of you women think?
|
|