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Post by solodriver on Oct 2, 2019 21:10:50 GMT -5
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2019 5:25:08 GMT -5
Well, I wish they'd found a better couple as an example. Nathaniel was going outside the marriage to get his needs met while ignoring his wife. Sure, there are some examples of that, here, but I see the most common problem being that the refuser just doesn't want sex at all.
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 3, 2019 13:51:43 GMT -5
Well, I wish they'd found a better couple as an example. Nathaniel was going outside the marriage to get his needs met while ignoring his wife. Sure, there are some examples of that, here, but I see the most common problem being that the refuser just doesn't want sex at all. I don't agree about the "refuser" not wanting sex at all. Nearly 100% of the anecdotes on this board only provide evidence that they don't want sex with their partner, and it is assumed that they don't want it at all .
However, ask folks who have separated, how quickly their ex's jumped back into the sex game post-separation, if they kept track. Ask post-marriage folks who have spent time in the 40+ dating world, how often their dating of post divorcees includes a story of someone thinking they hated sex, but then discovering (once out of the relationship) that they really love it, miss it, and want to try all kinds of sex. I've met so many. When it gets to the point of splitting - does everyone really think "that's it?" That their partner will look forward to never have sex again? Because, what I've seen in my own marriage and in dating others, is that these sexless "refusers" suddenly swing to low threshold for an enthusiastic yes - but with other people. It's the most common result - at this point I'm surprised to see anything else.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2019 15:41:22 GMT -5
Well, I wish they'd found a better couple as an example. Nathaniel was going outside the marriage to get his needs met while ignoring his wife. Sure, there are some examples of that, here, but I see the most common problem being that the refuser just doesn't want sex at all. I don't agree about the "refuser" not wanting sex at all. Nearly 100% of the anecdotes on this board only provide evidence that they don't want sex with their partner, and it is assumed that they don't want it at all .
However, ask folks who have separated, how quickly their ex's jumped back into the sex game post-separation, if they kept track. Ask post-marriage folks who have spent time in the 40+ dating world, how often their dating of post divorcees includes a story of someone thinking they hated sex, but then discovering (once out of the relationship) that they really love it, miss it, and want to try all kinds of sex. I've met so many. When it gets to the point of splitting - does everyone really think "that's it?" That their partner will look forward to never have sex again? Because, what I've seen in my own marriage and in dating others, is that these sexless "refusers" suddenly swing to low threshold for an enthusiastic yes - but with other people. It's the most common result - at this point I'm surprised to see anything else. I will accept your expertise, here, Apocrypha. I have spent a fair amount of time on the asexuality website, with people that genuinely don't like sex. My ex, I believe falls into this category. While I know she is dating again, I strongly suspect it is for companionship. Now, I do believe my ex actually did want sex, at critical times such as the need to get married, the need to reproduce, and in extreme cases the need to keep leading me on. It is possible that the latter reason will be a reoccuring theme in her next relationship as well, but, that is just speculation on my part. Wanting sex does not necessarily mean enjoying sex, though. I cannot wrap my head around the idea of her actually enjoying sex.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 3, 2019 16:14:49 GMT -5
Well, I wish they'd found a better couple as an example. Nathaniel was going outside the marriage to get his needs met while ignoring his wife. Sure, there are some examples of that, here, but I see the most common problem being that the refuser just doesn't want sex at all. I don't agree about the "refuser" not wanting sex at all. Nearly 100% of the anecdotes on this board only provide evidence that they don't want sex with their partner, and it is assumed that they don't want it at all .
However, ask folks who have separated, how quickly their ex's jumped back into the sex game post-separation, if they kept track. Ask post-marriage folks who have spent time in the 40+ dating world, how often their dating of post divorcees includes a story of someone thinking they hated sex, but then discovering (once out of the relationship) that they really love it, miss it, and want to try all kinds of sex. I've met so many. When it gets to the point of splitting - does everyone really think "that's it?" That their partner will look forward to never have sex again? Because, what I've seen in my own marriage and in dating others, is that these sexless "refusers" suddenly swing to low threshold for an enthusiastic yes - but with other people. It's the most common result - at this point I'm surprised to see anything else. surprise !!!!….I may be the only one but here's my story. About 2 yrs. after our divorce my X mentioned to me she was thinking about going on a dating site and ask which one I used. I replied POF. After a few seconds I added "you realize of coarse that the men you meet are going to want to have sex with you". You would not believe how quickly her demeaner changed from interested to "whipped dog".
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2019 22:47:58 GMT -5
Lol, worksforme2. In one of the old threads here, someone suggested making a dating site for people that don't want sex, and calling it "Blander."
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Post by solodriver on Oct 5, 2019 17:57:00 GMT -5
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 6, 2019 0:35:32 GMT -5
Wow. I'd sell everything and leave the country before I handed that money over.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 6, 2019 9:53:12 GMT -5
Yeah, that case is making the news, but surprisingly there have been much larger settlements.
Apparently, similar laws are still on the books in Hawaii, Mississippi, South Dakota, Utah, New Mexico, and North Carolina.
Here’s a lawyer’s look at it...
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 6, 2019 10:14:05 GMT -5
This is just the latest in a couple of "Alienation of Affection" judgements recently in N.C. I posted about a 2 million dollar judgement a short time back. And at one time I was banging a woman who had separated and was living with her mother 2 houses down from me. Her h threatened to sue me if she didn't end things, so she ended our relationship. Short story, if you are going to bang someone else's W in N.C. it's best if you have deep pockets.
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 7, 2019 23:58:19 GMT -5
Lol, worksforme2 . In one of the old threads here, someone suggested making a dating site for people that don't want sex, and calling it "Blander." Looking to enjoy quiet nights with someone on opposite ends of the couch.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 8, 2019 1:09:06 GMT -5
Lol, worksforme2 . In one of the old threads here, someone suggested making a dating site for people that don't want sex, and calling it "Blander." Looking to enjoy quiet nights with someone on opposite ends of the couch. True story. The leaders of our church small group separated suddenly, and one of the many issues was that the husband, who was the low income spouse and by all rights should have been staying at home with the kids, was the refuser. As I came to grips with my situation, no pun intended, I had fantasies of swapping with them. I could picture me and the executive level hot wife doing all sorts of wild things in the bedroom while her husband and my wife sat on the couch playing on Facebook and exchanging rude comments about how worthless the other was.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 8, 2019 5:35:00 GMT -5
Looking to enjoy quiet nights with someone on opposite ends of the couch. True story. The leaders of our church small group separated suddenly, and one of the many issues was that the husband, who was the low income spouse and by all rights should have been staying at home with the kids, was the refuser. As I came to grips with my situation, no pun intended, I had fantasies of swapping with them. I could picture me and the executive level hot wife doing all sorts of wild things in the bedroom while her husband and my wife sat on the couch playing on Facebook and exchanging rude comments about how worthless the other was. As you already knew this woman and were attracted to her but you did not pursue something with her. Were you still hoping for something in your marriage?
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 8, 2019 7:41:39 GMT -5
The timing never worked out, worksforme2. By the time I understood my hopelessness she was in another happy relationship. That was not my only swinging fantasy, though. Our pastor had a sex sermon series where he declared Christian married sex was the best sex ever. I did not even know what his wife looked like, but I wanted an even trade, so he could experience the unenthusiastic lousy lay I was able to get on rare occasion.
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Post by notdeadyet on Oct 12, 2019 16:20:05 GMT -5
Just read an interesting article entititled "Oxytocin increases fidelity in monogamous men!" (from The Journal of Neuroscience) Upshot is that Oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the "LOve Hormone" is released during sex. It may make women "fall in love" but it makes men "Stay in love." I.e. without regular infusions of the hormone (resulting from sex) Men will tend to "drift away" from the relationship. Another scientific reason why lack of sex destroys marriages.
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