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Post by sadkat on Nov 9, 2019 0:35:08 GMT -5
I can undress in front of my husband and he doesn’t look. I was fresh out of the shower the other day. Put my foot up on the bed to put lotion on my legs. That garnered not even a sideways glance, let alone any attempt at touching me. It’s kind of weird. Like it doesn’t even register. I take a sort of perverse pleasure in being unclothed or partially clothed in front of him. Or wearing a new bra or underwear that make me feel good. Here’s what you’re missing, buddy. My body is far from perfect but it has some really good parts. Lol. Hmm. Guess I’m feeling a little catty this morning. Oh yes, back in my SM I could have written this. I’m not being pursued by Victoria’s Secret to be one of their angels admittedly, but I’m in pretty good nick, and did just the same in the bedroom hoping against hope to score even a sidewards glance. Nope, those motorbike magazines aren’t going to read themselves. To give H a nudge in the right direction when I still had hope that our M had something left worth saving, I suggested that it would be nice for me if he gave some clue that I was attractive to him by stealing a look at least. His response? The soul crushing “oh sorry, I will try to remember to look”. He was astonished when I called time on our marriage. Blindsided, astounded, shocked to the core. Yeah. Yep- same for me. H could have a full blown conversation with me as I was stepping out of the shower, drying off, and dressing- he had absolutely no reaction. I’ve got some problem areas but am mostly in pretty good shape. Not very good for the ego, for sure!
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 9, 2019 7:54:48 GMT -5
And from the other end of the couch comes this experience. Being the horndog I was back in my SM I tried to jump my then W pretty much every time she stood still for an extended period of time. If she was unclothed I was really after her. When she decided we were past that sort of thing she began closing the bathroom door when she bathed. That way she could dry off and start dressing with out having me trying to stick my goober in her. Not very good for my ego either.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 10, 2019 4:18:53 GMT -5
When we used to share a bedroom, I told my wife not to be walking around naked any more. For her to be naked and not let me touch her was like walking a starving man by an all-you-can-eat buffet but tell him he can't have any of it. I can undress in front of my husband and he doesn’t look. I was fresh out of the shower the other day. Put my foot up on the bed to put lotion on my legs. That garnered not even a sideways glance, let alone any attempt at touching me. It’s kind of weird. Like it doesn’t even register. I take a sort of perverse pleasure in being unclothed or partially clothed in front of him. Or wearing a new bra or underwear that make me feel good. Here’s what you’re missing, buddy. My body is far from perfect but it has some really good parts. Lol. Hmm. Guess I’m feeling a little catty this morning. catty is cool
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Lovethrob
Nov 17, 2019 18:43:55 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by carl on Nov 17, 2019 18:43:55 GMT -5
Oh yes, back in my SM I could have written this. I’m not being pursued by Victoria’s Secret to be one of their angels admittedly, but I’m in pretty good nick, and did just the same in the bedroom hoping against hope to score even a sidewards glance. Nope, those motorbike magazines aren’t going to read themselves. To give H a nudge in the right direction when I still had hope that our M had something left worth saving, I suggested that it would be nice for me if he gave some clue that I was attractive to him by stealing a look at least. His response? The soul crushing “oh sorry, I will try to remember to look”. He was astonished when I called time on our marriage. Blindsided, astounded, shocked to the core. Yeah. Yep- same for me. H could have a full blown conversation with me as I was stepping out of the shower, drying off, and dressing- he had absolutely no reaction. I’ve got some problem areas but am mostly in pretty good shape. Not very good for the ego, for sure! So depressing to read this ....
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2019 13:23:54 GMT -5
isthisit Nope, those motorbike magazines aren’t going to read themselves. That was a good laugh, the implied humor sarcasm on your part. My pleasure! I am glad it raised a smile. I'm a life-long "motorcycle guy" and motorcycles would be a distant 4th place to a W who wanted an admiring, lustful glance.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2019 13:25:47 GMT -5
Just to reiterate, it just generally isn't about having a perfect body. Few of us do. When I was in fantastic shape, little sex. When I was 50 lbs. overweight, little sex. Now I'm a little overweight but not much and.........no sex. Worst year yet.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Dec 11, 2019 11:04:58 GMT -5
I convinced myself we quit having sex because I got fat. One day I looked through pictures and realized we weren't havening sex then and I was not fat. Later when I decided to reclaim my life I lost weight still nothing. It's them it's not us.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2019 13:03:19 GMT -5
I convinced myself we quit having sex because I got fat. One day I looked through pictures and realized we weren't havening sex then and I was not fat. Later when I decided to reclaim my life I lost weight still nothing. It's them it's not us. Agreed 100%. My income/fitness/helping around the house/etc (i.e. the whys) haven't moved the needle ever. She just doesn't want to have sex with me. If I had a nickel for every article I read that said something like, "the key is communication, spice up your sex life with candles, try helping around the house more". If you're in a minor dry spell, tired with young kids then these things probably do help. If your spouse just doesn't want to have sex with you or is on the asexual end of the spectrum, none of it matters a wit. The problem is, it still hurts.
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Post by paddlingalone on Dec 11, 2019 13:55:04 GMT -5
I can relate to the above. H has no reaction to seeing me undressed - it's like he's looking at a table. The sad thing is, because we're not intimate and I can't apparently seduce him, undressing around him now feels awkward and I will dress in my room or the bathroom now. No reaction is like a small rejection in a way. It still hurts.
Of course, I do question if it's me. After 3 pregnancies and 2 children, I've gained about 25 lbs., and I was somewhat overweight to begin with. That said, there's been virtually no change between when we met and now. I stopped initiating, but his interest level hasn't changed regardless of my figure. This has put me in a depressed funk -- figuring what does it matter what I eat, he won't want me anyway.
I do intend to work on that soon, but it will be for me, not for him. I'm sure at some future date, it will also give me the reassurance that it was not the reason for our SM, and I'll know I did everything I could.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 11, 2019 21:14:15 GMT -5
You're right and it's the same in each and every case of the members of this group.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 11, 2019 21:21:58 GMT -5
I convinced myself we quit having sex because I got fat. One day I looked through pictures and realized we weren't havening sex then and I was not fat. Later when I decided to reclaim my life I lost weight still nothing. It's them it's not us. Agreed 100%. My income/fitness/helping around the house/etc (i.e. the whys) haven't moved the needle ever. She just doesn't want to have sex with me. If I had a nickel for every article I read that said something like, "the key is communication, spice up your sex life with candles, try helping around the house more". If you're in a minor dry spell, tired with young kids then these things probably do help. If your spouse just doesn't want to have sex with you or is on the asexual end of the spectrum, none of it matters a wit. The problem is, it still hurts. It hurts EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
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Post by elynne on Dec 12, 2019 4:52:24 GMT -5
I can relate to the above. H has no reaction to seeing me undressed - it's like he's looking at a table. The sad thing is, because we're not intimate and I can't apparently seduce him, undressing around him now feels awkward and I will dress in my room or the bathroom now. No reaction is like a small rejection in a way. It still hurts. Of course, I do question if it's me. After 3 pregnancies and 2 children, I've gained about 25 lbs., and I was somewhat overweight to begin with. That said, there's been virtually no change between when we met and now. I stopped initiating, but his interest level hasn't changed regardless of my figure. This has put me in a depressed funk -- figuring what does it matter what I eat, he won't want me anyway. I do intend to work on that soon, but it will be for me, not for him. I'm sure at some future date, it will also give me the reassurance that it was not the reason for our SM, and I'll know I did everything I could. My ex-refuser used to make me feel inadequate. Pregnancy didn’t agree with me at all. Lots of factors but I put on weight during both pregnancies. And losing the extra pounds is tough when you’re hormonal and sleep deprived! But I would put the effort in. At one point said to my husband quite happily “I’ve lost 10 kilos!” His reply, “Your thighs are still fat.” I was crushed. But his comment had absolutely nothing to do with my body. He was reacting to the fact that I felt good and was proud of myself. THAT he had to crush. And he did. For a time. Fast forward a year or two... I’m dating an awesome guy who happens to enjoy long distance running. (Oh! His sweet round ass and those thighs!!! - but I digress). Since my ruptured hernia I’ve been slowly rebuilding strength and stamina. I run 3 to 4 times a week with tons of support and encouragement from my partner. He runs slowly with me. Walks beside me when I need a rest. Let’s me set my pace. I’ve built up to 6 mile runs. I’m in better physical condition now than I have been over the past 10 years. I look good. And I feel great. My ex is also in a new relationship. With a pretty woman who is a little fluffy. My heart breaks for her, because I know he’s going to use that to beat her down. And no one deserves that. My ex’s put downs and disparagement of my appearance had everything to do with his intimacy problems and almost nothing to do with me. EXCEPT for the fact that I wanted to please him and I cared what he thought. At this point his opinion is irrelevant. But (I know it’s childish and I’m a little ashamed of it) I like that to the outside world I look like I’m blossoming away from him. And truth be told, I am. I like that I look hot. I like that heads turn when I walk down the street. I love that my current partner is so proud to walk down the street holding my hand. And do you know what - it has nothing to do with a number on a scale or my dress size, and everything to do with feeling good in my own skin and having a partner who loves me unconditionally. It’s out there. It’s not a myth or a fantasy. It’s worth finding.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2019 12:16:32 GMT -5
I can relate to the above. H has no reaction to seeing me undressed - it's like he's looking at a table. The sad thing is, because we're not intimate and I can't apparently seduce him, undressing around him now feels awkward and I will dress in my room or the bathroom now. No reaction is like a small rejection in a way. It still hurts. Of course, I do question if it's me. After 3 pregnancies and 2 children, I've gained about 25 lbs., and I was somewhat overweight to begin with. That said, there's been virtually no change between when we met and now. I stopped initiating, but his interest level hasn't changed regardless of my figure. This has put me in a depressed funk -- figuring what does it matter what I eat, he won't want me anyway. I do intend to work on that soon, but it will be for me, not for him. I'm sure at some future date, it will also give me the reassurance that it was not the reason for our SM, and I'll know I did everything I could. My ex-refuser used to make me feel inadequate. Pregnancy didn’t agree with me at all. Lots of factors but I put on weight during both pregnancies. And losing the extra pounds is tough when you’re hormonal and sleep deprived! But I would put the effort in. At one point said to my husband quite happily “I’ve lost 10 kilos!” His reply, “Your thighs are still fat.” I was crushed. But his comment had absolutely nothing to do with my body. He was reacting to the fact that I felt good and was proud of myself. THAT he had to crush. And he did. For a time. Fast forward a year or two... I’m dating an awesome guy who happens to enjoy long distance running. (Oh! His sweet round ass and those thighs!!! - but I digress). Since my ruptured hernia I’ve been slowly rebuilding strength and stamina. I run 3 to 4 times a week with tons of support and encouragement from my partner. He runs slowly with me. Walks beside me when I need a rest. Let’s me set my pace. I’ve built up to 6 mile runs. I’m in better physical condition now than I have been over the past 10 years. I look good. And I feel great. My ex is also in a new relationship. With a pretty woman who is a little fluffy. My heart breaks for her, because I know he’s going to use that to beat her down. And no one deserves that. My ex’s put downs and disparagement of my appearance had everything to do with his intimacy problems and almost nothing to do with me. EXCEPT for the fact that I wanted to please him and I cared what he thought. At this point his opinion is irrelevant. But (I know it’s childish and I’m a little ashamed of it) I like that to the outside world I look like I’m blossoming away from him. And truth be told, I am. I like that I look hot. I like that heads turn when I walk down the street. I love that my current partner is so proud to walk down the street holding my hand. And do you know what - it has nothing to do with a number on a scale or my dress size, and everything to do with feeling good in my own skin and having a partner who loves me unconditionally. It’s out there. It’s not a myth or a fantasy. It’s worth finding. You might be the first person in the history of the internet that is at least 2 points, maybe 3, MORE attractive than your profile avatar : ) Your story is inspiring, well done ma'am.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 12, 2019 22:22:20 GMT -5
elynne- you are beautiful! Happiness looks good on you! Love your post!
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Post by saarinista on Jan 1, 2020 0:23:51 GMT -5
elynne I second that. You are gorgeous. Seriously. I used to work in television and I know pretty when see it. I'm glad you're happy now. Your brilliant smile tells the whole story! Happy New Year. Happy New Life. To all of us. 🎉🌹💐🎈
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