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Post by ironhamster on Sept 28, 2019 3:11:16 GMT -5
Maybe I should tell him he has to find a male prostitute for me, so at least I don't have to deal with the annoyance of people's shitty personalities. Business transactions are better than these messy one night stands. Since he won't do it.... and I just cannot live without sex. I am mind blown by the paucity of suitable men in your great State. I know another woman with the same problem that has taken to playing with a couple at least until something better comes along. I can't help but wonder if there is something in the water or the culture, but something has poisoned the real men.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 28, 2019 7:06:01 GMT -5
Tired oftears, you’d probably raise your chances of finding quality sex partners if you dumped your refuser and moved on.
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Post by tiredoftears on Sept 28, 2019 10:45:31 GMT -5
Tired oftears, you’d probably raise your chances of finding quality sex partners if you dumped your refuser and moved on. Can't do that.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 28, 2019 12:21:31 GMT -5
Maybe I should tell him he has to find a male prostitute for me, so at least I don't have to deal with the annoyance of people's shitty personalities. Business transactions are better than these messy one night stands. Since he won't do it.... and I just cannot live without sex. A few posts back you stated you would like to find someone to move in with you and your H to make intimacy more spontaneous and to get away from having to go out looking so often. Have you actually given the process any real thought? I mean , how are you thinking of approaching such a goal? Would a business approach be something to consider. By that I mean thinking in terms of the 3rd person in your household along the lines of a business partner. Marriage is sort of a business isn't it? If you had a hardware store and you wanted to add another partner what traits or characteristics would you look for? Could the same mindset work toward finding the 3rd person you referred to and get you away from the 1 night stands?
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Post by tiredoftears on Sept 28, 2019 14:35:09 GMT -5
Maybe I should tell him he has to find a male prostitute for me, so at least I don't have to deal with the annoyance of people's shitty personalities. Business transactions are better than these messy one night stands. Since he won't do it.... and I just cannot live without sex. A few posts back you stated you would like to find someone to move in with you and your H to make intimacy more spontaneous and to get away from having to go out looking so often. Have you actually given the process any real thought? I mean , how are you thinking of approaching such a goal? Would a business approach be something to consider. By that I mean thinking in terms of the 3rd person in your household along the lines of a business partner. Marriage is sort of a business isn't it? If you had a hardware store and you wanted to add another partner what traits or characteristics would you look for? Could the same mindset work toward finding the 3rd person you referred to and get you away from the 1 night stands? That is an interesting thought. Yes, that is still something I am thinking on. I think it is something that would take a long while to achieve, and I need something now. This whole business is just frustrating, and though we don't argue or fight, I often imagine myself hitting him. Just random thoughts of punching him in the face, or with a shovel or something.... Ugh. I kinda gave up on FetLife for the moment, and got an account with HER. I'm just..... Sooooo frustrated. Ideas sound great on paper. In real life shit is just sucky.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 28, 2019 21:57:42 GMT -5
Tired oftears, you’d probably raise your chances of finding quality sex partners if you dumped your refuser and moved on. Can't do that. Why can't you again? Money? Child?
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Post by tiredoftears on Sept 28, 2019 23:15:06 GMT -5
Why can't you again? Money? Child? It's just not going to happen. Never leaving him because there's no sex. I've had WAYYYYY worse relationships, and I've been through so much hardship in life. I couldn't ever bring myself to leave him. I'd die first.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 29, 2019 13:36:58 GMT -5
Fulloftears: what’s so wonderful about your current relationship that you’d rather die than leave him? Given your name here, Eve. Though you’re had worse relationships, your current one seems miserable. But it’s better than being alone?
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Post by tiredoftears on Sept 29, 2019 23:22:37 GMT -5
Fulloftears: what’s so wonderful about your current relationship that you’d rather die than leave him? Given your name here, Eve. Though you’re had worse relationships, your current one seems miserable. But it’s better than being alone? Some things just can't be explained, like why I'd rather stay, but yes, it is better than being alone.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 30, 2019 7:38:36 GMT -5
Why can't you again? Money? Child? It's just not going to happen. Never leaving him because there's no sex. I've had WAYYYYY worse relationships, and I've been through so much hardship in life. I couldn't ever bring myself to leave him. I'd die first. I can readily understand and somewhat identify with this reply. When I knew I was done I did the research, met with attorneys and began making plans for what life would be like post SM. I had no real intention of leaving, but I was no longer going to be sexless. I still loved my spouse and enjoyed her company. But I separated myself from my feelings and my behavior toward her changed. I began to distance myself from her and the marriage. I planned to outsource and I knew she was smart enough that she would soon figure out what was going on. She would have to be the one to leave, and sure enough that is what happened. She preferred a divorce to the prospect of me being intimate with another woman.
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Post by Apocrypha on Sept 30, 2019 9:02:44 GMT -5
Quite agree. I need to get it out. I am definitely over identifying with my pain. I keep having random hookups.... [...] I shouldn't have to keep doing this in order to have just a sex life. I don't WANT just a sex life - I want A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP! That is an interesting distinction that I have not seen on here before. It gives a word for something I think I've been talking around. I've seen several of us discuss a general reason why "outsourcing" - whether an affair or some form of consensual non-monogamy ends up being volatile or unsatisfying. It usually comes down to some variant of the observation that the primary problem of the marriage remains unsolved, irrespective of your sex life.
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