How many of us feel replaced by a smartphone or tablet? What other personal relationships have suffered because of device overuse, be it your own usage or someone else's?
It's a more attractive prospect to blame the device, or the porn, or the TV, or the affair partner or the game, or the kids, because it frames the problem as an "obsession" that is overriding what must be a clear priority -you - like a crack addict buying drugs instead of food. Then you can be on the same "side" and you can still feel that you are important to your wayward partner. If not for the device, you'd have a great life.
The harder way, though, is to recognize that what's happening is an accurate reading of YOUR priority, and that the phone, the porn, the TV, the affair partner, the game or kids is their way of surviving a relationship in which they are entwined but not invested. Take one away, and it gets replaced with a different distraction.
Post by angeleyes65 on Sept 25, 2019 9:10:41 GMT -5
Sad thing is we both became addicted to smart devices for avoidance of our now ex's and it was how we communicated during the affair. Old habits die hard. We have to remind ourselves and each other to put our gadgets down sometimes. As far as my ex I did feel replaced by his computer both for games and porn but after awhile it provided me with the freedom to find an ap and keep in contact so...
Post by lessingham on Sept 25, 2019 10:49:37 GMT -5
Maybe devices are a symptom not a cause. Paul Simon was singing about the dangling conversation back in the 60s. People retreat behind phones or books or newspapers for reasons. And men watch porn for many reasons too.
Post by ironhamster on Sept 25, 2019 20:09:28 GMT -5
I grew up in a household with busy active parents, so having a spouse that was wrapped up in thought staring at a screen was no big deal within itself. I do think it was just one symptom of a much bigger problem, though. My ex was into her Facebook and her network marketing business done on the internet. I suspect the latter netted her about fifty cents an hour, which, to be generous, is more than most people make on their hobbies.
It seems ironic that I am sitting in an airport reading this thread on my smartphone.
I think the mobile devices are just can evolutionary upgrade from books and magazines and TV. It is easier to avoid difficult conversations then to engage. The advantage of mobile devices is that we can also interact with others online. Our avoidance is no longer a solitary endeavor.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: Thank you! Had a great party with the boardgamers group (and BBQ, cakes and cards!)
Jan 18, 2020 20:14:00 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate
Jan 18, 2020 22:10:28 GMT -5
frednsa: yaaaaiiiiiieeeeoooooouuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk ! OK, if feel better now.....
Feb 29, 2020 18:14:01 GMT -5
petrushka: Glad you got that off your chest ;-)
Mar 6, 2020 23:35:38 GMT -5
worksforme2: It is a sad day here in my small town, the only cinema has closed...it's probably close to 30 miles to get to one now...
Mar 7, 2020 19:48:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5