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Post by h on Nov 1, 2019 7:40:21 GMT -5
$1200 is still $1200 that I don't have. Likewise, I don't have transportation at the moment to go see a lawyer even if I could afford it. Currently carpooling with W to work. There's literally nothing I can do for several months.
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Post by baza on Nov 1, 2019 20:06:14 GMT -5
Just getting back to the financial side of things (as there doesn't seem to be much chance of you taking a look at the legal facts) you might consider doing this bit of arithmetic, which may show you the trajectory your finances are heading.
As of 24th April 2017, what was the total debt of you, your missus, and jointly ?
Now, as at 2nd November 2019, what is the total debt of you, your missus, and jointly ?
That will give you the trajectory over the past 2 years and 7 months, and provide a very rough guide of how your future looks.
It's an exercise Ms enna and I do several times a year so we know how we are travelling financially. It's an exercise I'd recommend anyone to do at least annually.
At this point of our lives we are self funded retirees, and, unsurprisingly, our finances are heading down the chute (in a predictable and controlled manner) as our expenditure outstrips our income and the deficit comes out of our savings/investments.
Currently and based on our financial trajectory, we should be OK for money until we are about 92 !!!
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Post by h on Nov 1, 2019 21:15:36 GMT -5
How have I not looked at the legal facts? I have the exact formula used to calculate spousal support in my jurisdiction directly from the court. I also have the legal requirements for payments regarding health insurance directly from a legitimate law firm. Our employees where I work have contracted with a large law firm for discounted rates because of our collective business and the newsletter article I referenced on this subject was published by the law firm. I may not have sat down with a lawyer, but all my legal information has come directly from lawyers or the court with no middleman interpretation between. I am capable of reading and am actually quite good at math. Since we have no children, no shared business, and our only major asset is our house, the calculations are very simple and unambiguous being based solely on respective incomes. This isn't just the ramblings of the Google law firm.
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Post by baza on Nov 1, 2019 22:22:02 GMT -5
So how did those sums for April 2017 compared to October 2019 come out Brother h ? |
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Post by h on Nov 4, 2019 12:09:50 GMT -5
So how did those sums for April 2017 compared to October 2019 come out Brother h ? Since that time, our marital debt has remained nearly constant except for the mortgage which has been decreasing (although the home value has also decreased so our equity has remained stagnant). My personal debt from before the marriage has decreased significantly over that time and continues to do so. Based on the formulas for spousal support and the average cost of insurance premiums, my post divorce payments would be nearly equal to my current personal debt payments. Once my personal debts are paid off, I will be able to afford the monthly expenses of spousal support. That still means at least 5-7 years of paying down my personal debt before I can afford to save up for legal counsel. I do get yearly raises, but those are usually cancelled out by increases in taxes, cost of living, and inflation. |
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Post by workingonit on Nov 4, 2019 12:16:07 GMT -5
h is there a side hustle you would have time for? Items of value you could sell? A rich relative who could slip you a loan or a gift? Your math and your thinking are pretty clear. But 5-7 years of putting on weight and building your bitterness and misery sound like hell. You truly deserve better. And as I am now 45 I look back with such regret at the loss of passion and intimacy in my last 10 years. I would hate to hear you say that in 10 years!
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Post by h on Nov 4, 2019 12:41:00 GMT -5
h is there a side hustle you would have time for? Items of value you could sell? A rich relative who could slip you a loan or a gift? Your math and your thinking are pretty clear. But 5-7 years of putting on weight and building your bitterness and misery sound like hell. You truly deserve better. And as I am now 45 I look back with such regret at the loss of passion and intimacy in my last 10 years. I would hate to hear you say that in 10 years! I already have 2 jobs and I fill out online surveys for small amounts of money in my free time. (For anyone interested, i-say is the survey company.) There really isn't much else I can do right now, especially since I don't have reliable transportation at the moment. The only other things I could do around here would require a vehicle. Downside of living in the boonies... (No rich relatives either.) Edit: I forgot to answer the other part. I'm not continuing to put on weight, I'm just postponing losing it. I can't gain any more anyway if I wanted to. My 2nd job is too physical active and demanding so I couldn't really gain much more. I get too much exercise. |
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Post by baza on Nov 4, 2019 18:19:12 GMT -5
A quick bit of googling turned up a lot of information about divorce in NY state.
The following quote may be of interest, it suggests that in NY state, spousal support is not a given, and if it is granted, it ain't forever.
Spousal support
Today alimony is known as "maintenance" or "spousal support." Unlike child support, there is a set formula to calculate spousal support pendente lite ("pending the litigation"), but there is no post judgment formula. A grant of spousal support depends on the facts of the case, such as the disparity between the income of the parties, the duration of the marriage, the health of the parties, and the presence of very young children. In New York, spousal support is rarely granted on a permanent basis, except in cases of physical or mental disability or when the parties are elderly (about 60 years old or older). Generally, it is granted for a set period of time so the other party can get back on their feet after the termination of the marriage. The length of time depends on the facts of the case as the judge sees fit to award.
You'd need a lawyer in your jurisdiction to interpret this to suit your particular situation, but this reads like spousal support is not a given, and if it does apply, it ain't indefinite.
And, given that this is on the net, it must be right !!
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Post by h on Nov 4, 2019 18:51:19 GMT -5
A quick bit of googling turned up a lot of information about divorce in NY state. The following quote may be of interest, it suggests that in NY state, spousal support is not a given, and if it is granted, it ain't forever. Spousal support
Today alimony is known as "maintenance" or "spousal support." Unlike child support, there is a set formula to calculate spousal support pendente lite ("pending the litigation"), but there is no post judgment formula. A grant of spousal support depends on the facts of the case, such as the disparity between the income of the parties, the duration of the marriage, the health of the parties, and the presence of very young children. In New York, spousal support is rarely granted on a permanent basis, except in cases of physical or mental disability or when the parties are elderly (about 60 years old or older). Generally, it is granted for a set period of time so the other party can get back on their feet after the termination of the marriage. The length of time depends on the facts of the case as the judge sees fit to award.You'd need a lawyer in your jurisdiction to interpret this to suit your particular situation, but this reads like spousal support is not a given, and if it does apply, it ain't indefinite. And, given that this is on the net, it must be right !! I never assumed it would be permanent nor did I make any statement about duration. I only asserted that it would happen at all. It doesn't matter if it's 20 years or 5 years if I can't come up with enough to get by a single month of it on top of my other bills. Disparity of income? Check. I make almost double what she does. Duration of the marriage (more than 7 years)? Check. Over 11. Health of the parties? Check. Hers isn't great and would cost a fortune without very good insurance. The only thing off the list we don't have is children. You're not making your case. |
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Post by csl on Nov 5, 2019 22:50:33 GMT -5
A quick bit of googling turned up a lot of information about divorce in NY state. The following quote may be of interest, it suggests that in NY state, spousal support is not a given, and if it is granted, it ain't forever. Spousal support
Today alimony is known as "maintenance" or "spousal support." Unlike child support, there is a set formula to calculate spousal support pendente lite ("pending the litigation"), but there is no post judgment formula. A grant of spousal support depends on the facts of the case, such as the disparity between the income of the parties, the duration of the marriage, the health of the parties, and the presence of very young children. In New York, spousal support is rarely granted on a permanent basis, except in cases of physical or mental disability or when the parties are elderly (about 60 years old or older). Generally, it is granted for a set period of time so the other party can get back on their feet after the termination of the marriage. The length of time depends on the facts of the case as the judge sees fit to award.You'd need a lawyer in your jurisdiction to interpret this to suit your particular situation, but this reads like spousal support is not a given, and if it does apply, it ain't indefinite. And, given that this is on the net, it must be right !! I never assumed it would be permanent nor did I make any statement about duration. I only asserted that it would happen at all. It doesn't matter if it's 20 years or 5 years if I can't come up with enough to get by a single month of it on top of my other bills. Disparity of income? Check. I make almost double what she does. Duration of the marriage (more than 7 years)? Check. Over 11. Health of the parties? Check. Hers isn't great and would cost a fortune without very good insurance. The only thing off the list we don't have is children. You're not making your case. Except in one point - duration of marriage. The difference between going before a judge with a marriage of about 10 years vs a marriage of 20 years. The judge is going to probably make spousal support higher in longer marriages based on the idea of "paying into the marriage". |
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Post by h on Nov 6, 2019 15:05:54 GMT -5
I never assumed it would be permanent nor did I make any statement about duration. I only asserted that it would happen at all. It doesn't matter if it's 20 years or 5 years if I can't come up with enough to get by a single month of it on top of my other bills. Disparity of income? Check. I make almost double what she does. Duration of the marriage (more than 7 years)? Check. Over 11. Health of the parties? Check. Hers isn't great and would cost a fortune without very good insurance. The only thing off the list we don't have is children. You're not making your case. Except in one point - duration of marriage. The difference between going before a judge with a marriage of about 10 years vs a marriage of 20 years. The judge is going to probably make spousal support higher in longer marriages based on the idea of "paying into the marriage". There are steps here of numbers of years. Less than 7 years means no support or very small amounts for a short time period. More than 7 but less than 17 is where support is awarded based on a mathematical formula available from the court but support is limited to a set number of years (usually the length of the marriage but variable, more or fewer years depending on individual circumstances). Lifetime awards are usually only given for marriages over 17 years. |
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