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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 18, 2019 10:08:33 GMT -5
On self-esteem, I find that I am the one that generally drags it down or builds it up. Listen to your inner talk in your head. Use mindfulness meditation to gain some distance from the thoughts and feelings. Rather than "I'm not good enough" take the next breath to think "I observe I am having a thought that I'm not good enough, but that is absurd. I am as good enough as any human is. We all have good and bad sides/habits." Working on reminding yourself what you have accomplished in the past, and what inner strengths and skills you used to accomplish those things - realize you have not lost any of those inner skills. You've perhaps forgotten them, or chosen not to use them lately, but they are still there - in you. I do live daily affirmations. I felt silly learning to say them out loud to the mirror, but it did work (some). Working with a therapist to define what self-esteem is versus how self-confident you would like to become: you may find that your self-esteem is 'not that bad' but simply needs improvement, through things like learning new activities or ideas, spending time on/with positive environments, avoiding acceptance of toxic people in your circle, not accepting negative judgments from others. Just some ideas. I'm still working on ALL that, myself.
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Post by baza on Nov 18, 2019 16:40:45 GMT -5
I have washed, ironed and dried for 40 years and gained no brownie points. My self esteem is non existant. Over the werkend I lent my son £50 and he forgot to repay me. I scrubbed the bathroomand ensuite clean. I am cooking all day and I am too angry to leave the town car park to go home. And here is the kicker, I am not angry at the lazy wife on the sofa eating the breakfast I made. I am not angry with my son. I am furious with ne and hate me for being the sucker. Do you recall your thread "Bank of mom and dad" you posted back in February 2019 Brother lessingham ? There were lessons to be learned out of that one. Your missus and your son both come across as parasitic users adding very little - if anything - to the family dynamic. It's very difficult to see any good reason why your missus and/or your son would want to change anything. The resolution to your situation is NOT going to come from them. Such resolution comes from you - or there is no resolution.
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Post by lessingham on Nov 19, 2019 4:15:53 GMT -5
I read somewhere that the worst lesson we teach our children is that if we are nice, people are nice to us. Total bs, we are just treated as a doormat. I called my son and reminded him. He said he had forgotten! Anyhow, he paid up. My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. She is not speaking to me. I know I have self esteem problems but I do try to work on them. And the anger needs to be handled
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 19, 2019 6:27:51 GMT -5
My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job. I know I have self esteem problems but I do try to work on them. Hot damn lessingham….This is the lessingham I have been looking to see emerge from the cocoon you were in when you 1st arrived. It appears that the venturing forth into new activities and perhaps some of the self examination you have done is gradually remaking the doormat guy into a more assertive and self assured male. Keep working on that self esteem, it looks like you are headed in the right direction.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 207
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Post by catsloveme on Nov 19, 2019 9:41:59 GMT -5
I read somewhere that the worst lesson we teach our children is that if we are nice, people are nice to us. Total bs, we are just treated as a doormat. I called my son and reminded him. He said he had forgotten! Anyhow, he paid up. My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. She is not speaking to me. I know I have self esteem problems but I do try to work on them. And the anger needs to be handled Nice work lessingham! Keep it up!
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Post by saarinista on Nov 19, 2019 14:43:09 GMT -5
Agree, lessingham. I think you're going to have to be honest and express your anger and talk about your unmet needs loudly and frankly with your wife if you're going to get any happiness going forward. And if she won't respond? Well , you know what your options are.
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Post by isthisit on Nov 19, 2019 15:25:59 GMT -5
I read somewhere that the worst lesson we teach our children is that if we are nice, people are nice to us. Total bs, we are just treated as a doormat. I called my son and reminded him. He said he had forgotten! Anyhow, he paid up. My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. She is not speaking to me. I know I have self esteem problems but I do try to work on them. And the anger needs to be handled Atta boy lessingham that’s more like it! I knew that inner Yorkshireman would come to the fore sooner or later. You have every right to call out this lazy lady on her selfish fecklessness. I’m not sure that you’ll be getting that BJ anytime soon though, but that’s no reason not to bring it up. Now channel that inner Tyke some more and cease doing her laundry, making her breakfast and the rest until she reflects on her choices in relation to you and her unique contribution to your happiness.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 19, 2019 23:53:32 GMT -5
My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. ROTFL.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 19, 2019 23:57:06 GMT -5
My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. ROTFL. I just spit my drink across the room.
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Post by elynne on Nov 20, 2019 0:42:32 GMT -5
I read somewhere that the worst lesson we teach our children is that if we are nice, people are nice to us. Total bs, we are just treated as a doormat. I called my son and reminded him. He said he had forgotten! Anyhow, he paid up. My wife came down this morning and said she was ready for her breakfast, I blurted out I was ready for my blow job, let's see how that pans out. She is not speaking to me. I know I have self esteem problems but I do try to work on them. And the anger needs to be handled lessingham - seems all is not lost with your son. With some guidance from you he may turn out ok (in terms of treating people and YOU with respect.) Your wife may be a different story. Here’s something to be aware of. Your relationship with your wife, the dynamics the two of you play out are setting an example for your son. He is learning by example how to behave and what to accept in a relationship. Perhaps a good way to begin developing your boundaries is to ask yourself if my son were observing this interaction what would he be learning about relationships? Choose behavior that fits what you want him to model. And on a side note - I remember occasions that my refuser ex-husband pushed me away as I attempted to seduce him - tried to arouse him. With my new partner, if he asked me “Where is my blow job?” I’d be only too happy to show him exactly where it is! In a healthy relationship there is give and take, mutual pleasuring, finding pleasure in giving pleasure. I think we forget those very basic principles after years in a dysfunctional relationship. I get so turned on when I go down on my partner. Watching him get aroused gets me excited, hearing him moan, the way his body moves, his breathing becomes more shallow, he gasps... it’s incredibly intimate and pleasurable to bring him to an orgasm. And as much as I enjoy it - he enjoys giving me pleasure. The way she treats you is not ok. It’s not respectful. Would she treat a work colleague, a waitress, a salesperson at a store so brutally? You deserve, at the very minimum, to be treated with the same respect that she’d use with a complete stranger.
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Post by baza on Nov 20, 2019 1:19:52 GMT -5
elynne . From past posts Brother @lessinghams son is about 35 / 40 I believe. Might be beyond an impressionable age now. Perhaps he has inherited a rather entitled attitude to life as modelled by his mother.
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Post by elynne on Nov 20, 2019 10:12:27 GMT -5
elynne . From past posts Brother @lessinghams son is about 35 / 40 I believe. Might be beyond an impressionable age now. Perhaps he has inherited a rather entitled attitude to life as modelled by his mother. I’m sure he has learned from observing his mother. I’m the eternal optimist. If he straightens up when called on bad behavior, I still find it hopeful.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 207
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Post by catsloveme on Nov 20, 2019 11:04:26 GMT -5
elynne . From past posts Brother @lessinghams son is about 35 / 40 I believe. Might be beyond an impressionable age now. Perhaps he has inherited a rather entitled attitude to life as modelled by his mother. I’m sure he has learned from observing his mother. I’m the eternal optimist. If he straightens up when called on bad behavior, I still find it hopeful. I agree. People can and do grow, change, and improve their behavior for the better when held accountable for their actions.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 20, 2019 13:04:18 GMT -5
I’m sure he has learned from observing his mother. I’m the eternal optimist. If he straightens up when called on bad behavior, I still find it hopeful. I agree. People can and do grow, change, and improve their behavior for the better when held accountable for their actions. I used to agree... then I realized /learned/experienced what narcissism is. So it depends on what type of behavior you're up against.
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Post by lessingham on Nov 21, 2019 3:57:26 GMT -5
6 days out of seven I am proud of my son but he has no sense of time so things are not important to him. Hence he drives people nuts when he cannot see what the problem is. My self esteem is a fickle flower and when I get angry it goes internally and hurts it. When I visited my American friend she was great at growing my esteem. Totally platonic but my wife loathed the visits abd in the end banned them.looking back, when my wife discovered my failings two years back I should have left, not stayed to try to repair things.
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