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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 1, 2019 13:38:31 GMT -5
Where were you 14 years ago?? If only we could go back in time. It seems so alien to imagine being with someone who not only wants to be checked out, but told as much, and then shown as much. Where was I 14 years ago? Furiously why chasing to work out what had happened to my previously idyllic marriage and trying so, so hard to try to be even more perfect to see if that would fix it. Because I’m daft I continued in this vein for another 15 years..... ☹️. I didn’t know to look in your neck of the woods deadzone75 😘. Well, most people don't think to look in Iowa, which is where I was back then . I wouldn't say you were daft, just hopeful as so many of us are. I've looked for a magic switch for 14 years. It has taken a very, very long time to realize nothing in my power can fix what is broken. I'm sorry you lost so many years to that situation.
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Post by isthisit on Aug 1, 2019 14:45:53 GMT -5
Where was I 14 years ago? Furiously why chasing to work out what had happened to my previously idyllic marriage and trying so, so hard to try to be even more perfect to see if that would fix it. Because I’m daft I continued in this vein for another 15 years..... ☹️. I didn’t know to look in your neck of the woods deadzone75 😘. Well, most people don't think to look in Iowa, which is where I was back then . I wouldn't say you were daft, just hopeful as so many of us are. I've looked for a magic switch for 14 years. It has taken a very, very long time to realize nothing in my power can fix what is broken. I'm sorry you lost so many years to that situation. I see myself as a positive person so in an effort to come to terms with my choices (and doing nothing to enact change was a choice) I try to focus on the advantages of the years I fruitlessly invested wishing for things to improve. The only upside as I can see it is that today I have no doubts whatsoever that I didn’t give my deal everything I had and that it was irretrievable by the time I called it a day, so I now move forward without wondering “if only....” in any respect. Still cold comfort really I would rather have the years back given the choice.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 1, 2019 14:55:46 GMT -5
Well, most people don't think to look in Iowa, which is where I was back then . I wouldn't say you were daft, just hopeful as so many of us are. I've looked for a magic switch for 14 years. It has taken a very, very long time to realize nothing in my power can fix what is broken. I'm sorry you lost so many years to that situation. I see myself as a positive person so in an effort to come to terms with my choices (and doing nothing to enact change was a choice) I try to focus on the advantages of the years I fruitlessly invested wishing for things to improve. The only upside as I can see it is that today I have no doubts whatsoever that I didn’t give my deal everything I had and that it was irretrievable by the time I called it a day, so I now move forward without wondering “if only....” in any respect. Still cold comfort really I would rather have three years back given the choice. I'm glad you are out and free to pursue what you deserve. It's definitely a positive having no doubts moving forward. If you lost 15 years to that deal, you don't want to waste on more year, month, or hour wondering "if only" or "what if".
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sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by sunnysean on Aug 1, 2019 14:57:53 GMT -5
Look down naked, if you can see your penis your weight is ok! Nice! It's still there, and I don't have to suck in my gut. If I do suck it in, I gain an optical inch! Thanks for all the great advice everyone. I've decided Im going to loose some weight for myself. I will not have any expectations for what happens in the intimacy department.
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Post by isthisit on Aug 1, 2019 15:03:14 GMT -5
Thanks deadzone75 I wish I had known that it wasn’t as hard as I had feared. Doesn’t get into my top three dreadful life experiences actually. But.... I am finding moving forward to what I want and deserve much harder than I had anticipated. I had only thought about the ‘getting out’ bit which preoccupied my thinking. In truth I am super conscious about the effect on my kids (and yes H too) of a new person in my life. So, right now I am stuck in limbo a little. I know that I need to get past this and that the children will adjust with some thought and care applied, but these concerns are prohibitive right now. I guess some more work to do with that. Still better than pretending in a pseudo-marriage though 😃.
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sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by sunnysean on Oct 6, 2019 15:57:26 GMT -5
Update. Yeah, I am not having much luck here. I do well for a few days, get depressed and binge eat. Yep not as strong as I used to be. I’m down only a pound from when I started this thread. So... I’m posting the update as a way to kick myself in the ass.
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Post by Handy on Oct 6, 2019 16:19:50 GMT -5
I go to a self-help weight loss group. In a year I am down 15 or 20 lbs so a pound a month is common. Even 1/2 pound a month is better than gaining what several portions of the population gain their 2, 4 or 5 pounds a year weight gains. In our group the people that take off weight gradually train them self to eat more wisely and tend to keep off the weight for longer peroidsof time than the fast weight loss people. Losing weight is about how to eat different so the weight does not come back.
Look for a group in your area by inserting your zip code. www.tops.org/
The social component (varies by group) is also something you will benefit from. My group is small and we talk about weight, food, things that stress us, medical issues, events we go to, family issues and many other things. It is a way to build social connections and get some things off your chest. The national membership and magazine is $30 and our local club fee is $4 a month which most of that goes to members in the form of local activity expenses.
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 7, 2019 19:13:03 GMT -5
Update. Yeah, I am not having much luck here. I do well for a few days, get depressed and binge eat. Yep not as strong as I used to be. I’m down only a pound from when I started this thread. So... I’m posting the update as a way to kick myself in the ass. Are you tracking your food? Use an app like myfitnesspal to track what you eat. If you are honest with it you will start to not grab things that you won't want to post. It is just one more tool to use.
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Post by Handy on Oct 7, 2019 21:46:05 GMT -5
I used MyFitnessPal and lost weight. I was also surprised how much salt is in most foods. I usually did OK calorie wise but the sodium was so far out of bounds and I rarely stayed below the recommended daily allowance. I almost never add my own salt except to eggs, mashed potatoes and corn-on-the-cob but "OH wow" Way too much sodium. MyFitnessPal tracked calories, sodium, protein, fiber vitamins and minerals and maybe some other items. You also can keep track of how active you are and do the calories in and calories out balance.
I tend to eat the same things so once you enter a food or beverage MyFitnessPal has a list of things you ate and the list is easy to use to re enter data.
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Post by saarinista on Oct 8, 2019 0:16:50 GMT -5
My advice: try yoga. If you work it, yoga can build strength and burn calories. Plus, it's calming, and most classes attract more women than men so who knows who you'll meet.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 8, 2019 5:17:58 GMT -5
My advice: try yoga. If you work it, yoga can build strength and burn calories. Plus, it's calming, and most classes attract more women than men so who knows who you'll meet. In 2017, when I was getting back into shape, I attended yoga and RIPPED classes. For starters, I highly recommend the yoga. Both attract more women than men. The attention I got in each class may have been nonsexual, but I still got more positive reinforcement in a one hour class than I did from my wife in any given week.
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 8, 2019 10:59:13 GMT -5
My advice: try yoga. If you work it, yoga can build strength and burn calories. Plus, it's calming, and most classes attract more women than men so who knows who you'll meet. In 2017, when I was getting back into shape, I attended yoga and RIPPED classes. For starters, I highly recommend the yoga. Both attract more women than men. The attention I got in each class may have been nonsexual, but I still got more positive reinforcement in a one hour class than I did from my wife in any given week. Second that- Spin class also attracts a lot of women, without it being a creepy thing if you are a dude in it. It's also, over the long term, a social environment that is casual and provides opportunities for comfortable interactions and expanding your social network.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 8, 2019 21:56:11 GMT -5
Update. Yeah, I am not having much luck here. I do well for a few days, get depressed and binge eat. Yep not as strong as I used to be. I’m down only a pound from when I started this thread. So... I’m posting the update as a way to kick myself in the ass. I need to get back going. I think I undid all of my hard work from last year.
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sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by sunnysean on Nov 19, 2019 10:23:20 GMT -5
Mid-November 2019 update.
I've lost enough weight that my wife has noticed - I had sex this weekend. It wasn't even pitty sex. She wanted it bad. Don't know what brought it on. She even orgasmed twice without the use of a vibrator and just sex, although she had several more with the vibrator. ( I would say that her having an orgasm without aid has only happened about a dozen times in 21+ years we have been married)
- Afterward, she said she noticed I had been trying to lose weight, and she wanted to know how she could help. I told her she could hump my brains out every time I lost 5 pounds on that weigh-in day. She just laughed. Then I said, "or you could send me a naked selfie for every 2 pounds and just hump my brains out like tonight when it strikes your fancy." She laughed again. (She has sent me a couple of naughty texts before, and it was the best thing ever) She didn't commit to any of those suggestions.
- I decided to kick the weight loss into high gear. That may have been a rough move. I know my primary source of extra calories is alcohol. To be totally open and honest, rarely a day goes by that I don't have a drink or two. I must have been drinking way too much. I never have a hangover, but I have felt like crap the last few days two and a half days. I have not craved alcohol, surprisingly, but I feel like crap. Me feeling like crap physically and mentally has been compounded with the fact that I have the after sex blues really, really, bad.
I was just going to drink only on Friday or Saturday night, but right now, I may need to go 30-90 days without before I do that. I didn't know my body was dependent on it. That's the only thing I can make it be right now. I don't want that. I don't want to be that guy.
Beer is such a part of my life and even overlaps with some of my work. It is also a part of my wife and I's relationship as we both love craft beer, and it's our big hobby we both share.
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Post by Apocrypha on Nov 19, 2019 13:02:28 GMT -5
Beer is such a part of my life and even overlaps with some of my work. It is also a part of my wife and I's relationship as we both love craft beer, and it's our big hobby we both share.
I switched to a beer with dinner when my then-wife became pregnant, because she doesn't care for it and she couldn't drink. That's when I started packing on a lot of weight.
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