Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Wow.
Aug 2, 2019 13:17:44 GMT -5
JMX likes this
Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2019 13:17:44 GMT -5
Didn’t he beg and beg you to get him that boat? I honestly don’t see what you get out of living with him. I remember that picture you posted of yourself when you had an out of town reunion with old friends. You looked gorgeous and happy away from your ex. Seems you could have a much happier life without him. What is stopping you? It has to be more than fear of paying alimony, s small price to pay to rid yourself of a passive aggressive refusing leech. What you say is true. And I don’t have an answer. Leave or stay, you'll know your path forward when you explore and find that answer. I stayed but I had to know the answer and I found it, for me.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Aug 3, 2019 21:57:04 GMT -5
I just have one observation. I recently passed the two year mark since my divorce finalized.
It now truly seems like a fading bad dream.
But I had to wake up and begin the process to get to this point.
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Aug 5, 2019 2:55:39 GMT -5
I get where you are coming from. I would have said the same in my own industry during the Obama years. I am currently doing well - in an industry that is subject to change at a whim. Want to know what Robert Reich said about my industry only a few short years ago? To not get political - I would have you google or YouTube Robert Reich and white construction workers We suffered, we are now whole and debt free. Boom, Bust, and Boom again. The next bust is coming again too! Currently in this way we cannot meet the demand. We are headed for another bust. That and the dwindling population. Don’t @ me with how much I make. I do well now. I could fall on my face tomorrow I hunt and KILL. MY job is feast or famine. I am currently in FEAST. I can be proud of my current feast, and understand it gets me ‘right” but it will not last. Furthermore - my current position guarantees I will have to pay child support. I might not have a good year- it will be hard to tell. I have almost no income and found a way to leave. If you want out, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find excuses. I left a husband earning 300k a year but the relationship was abusive. I had to beg for grocery money. Explain when I bought gas. He could buy $2,000 watches, $700 coats and I’d go 6 months between haircuts. My point, it may be feast or famine with your income, but if you are in complete control you can budget and save for a rainy day. If you keep your finances tied to the financially irresponsible spouse you’ll still hit that rainy day but with bad credit and no savings. It’s your life. These are your choices. But don’t fool yourself. You’re better offer swallowing the bitter pill, and planning appropriately for your financial future with or without your spouse. Protect yourself. He’s going to screw you. He already has.
|
|
|
Post by nyartgal on Aug 7, 2019 17:20:27 GMT -5
Furthermore - my current position guarantees I will have to pay child support. I might not have a good year- it will be hard to tell. I have almost no income and found a way to leave. If you want out, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find excuses. I left a husband earning 300k a year but the relationship was abusive. I had to beg for grocery money. Explain when I bought gas. He could buy $2,000 watches, $700 coats and I’d go 6 months between haircuts. My point, it may be feast or famine with your income, but if you are in complete control you can budget and save for a rainy day. If you keep your finances tied to the financially irresponsible spouse you’ll still hit that rainy day but with bad credit and no savings. It’s your life. These are your choices. But don’t fool yourself. You’re better offer swallowing the bitter pill, and planning appropriately for your financial future with or without your spouse. Protect yourself. He’s going to screw you. He already has. Ugh, JMX I’m sorry you are going through this! And Elynne, I’m so happy you are OUT. So happy!! Listen, this is classic passive aggression. Even the steaks!! Instead of boring you with an analysis, just go to...well I won’t say Amazon...go to Powell’s online and buy the book “Living with the Passive Aggressive Man.” That’s what you got. I have to say that I have never made even a third of the annual income you describe, but there’s no money that could have persuaded me to stay in my previous marriage. In fact, I may never make that kind of dough and may spend the rest of my life paying back various debts, but I’m not constantly tortured by a passive aggressive spouse. I have an amazing husband who in addition to having real emotional maturity, empathy, and generosity, also fucks my brains out on the regular and I mean BRAINS OUT. Ideally, life should offer us compromises, but since it never offered me one, I’m grateful to be broke with him than better off with my ex. Life is short.
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Aug 8, 2019 1:11:20 GMT -5
Life IS short. It's very possible to live decently on the cheap, especially if you don't have a passive aggressive spouse flagrantly wasting money. If you want money, no matter how much you have it will never be enough. I suggest practicing relentless gratitude, not unremitting greed.
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Aug 8, 2019 21:20:06 GMT -5
Furthermore - my current position guarantees I will have to pay child support. I might not have a good year- it will be hard to tell. I have almost no income and found a way to leave. If you want out, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find excuses. I left a husband earning 300k a year but the relationship was abusive. I had to beg for grocery money. Explain when I bought gas. He could buy $2,000 watches, $700 coats and I’d go 6 months between haircuts. My point, it may be feast or famine with your income, but if you are in complete control you can budget and save for a rainy day. If you keep your finances tied to the financially irresponsible spouse you’ll still hit that rainy day but with bad credit and no savings. It’s your life. These are your choices. But don’t fool yourself. You’re better offer swallowing the bitter pill, and planning appropriately for your financial future with or without your spouse. Protect yourself. He’s going to screw you. He already has. lol. I think I am misunderstood here. I have kept our finances separate even though I filter money to his account. I get it. But I am not dumb. Hmm... WE make really good money now. I REALLY make good money without him too. I make the lion share. I realize by putting it out there, that it seemed... bragadocious. If you could understand the depravity before (mostly on EP), you might understand I was just proud of myself for turning it around. Either way - This is not why I stay. It is just as hard WITH money as WITHOUT. Which, honestly, is a testament to all stories here. Right or wrong, I believe I have some flawed, forgiving spirit. I am not sure I even know what my line is - what is untenable? Does it make me co-dependent? Maybe? 🤷♀️ My therapist constantly redirects my whining to ME. The dynamic is “two-to-tango”. Okay, I can buy that. She also is very complimentary to me in that I have self-awareness that is refreshing. I even got a good ole’ pat on the back (just today!) for how I handled the children finding out about my EAP sexting nightmare when I told her about it? I kind of credit this community to all of that - I have grown so much here. But, yet, I linger. I don’t fucking know!!! What do I KNOW? I don’t hate my husband. I find him more unattractive as the years have progressed. I am tired. Other people are also tired. I am not currently dying of cancer. I would love to have a connection in my marriage that we could just look at each other from across a room - and just “know” what the other is thinking. The above may, in fact, be a fairy tale. I also don’t have the above. My husband loves gifts and is not deep. My husband bores me to shreds. His boring me is my issue. He is not a “bad guy”. Even when I pop off here, he is not totally without merit. My kids, although probably prepared, might be heartbroken if I end things, and they may also be broken if I never do. I am curvy and cute and look amazing in navy blue I have to be okay being alone to leave. I think I am, but not quite sure.
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Aug 8, 2019 21:40:47 GMT -5
I have almost no income and found a way to leave. If you want out, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find excuses. I left a husband earning 300k a year but the relationship was abusive. I had to beg for grocery money. Explain when I bought gas. He could buy $2,000 watches, $700 coats and I’d go 6 months between haircuts. My point, it may be feast or famine with your income, but if you are in complete control you can budget and save for a rainy day. If you keep your finances tied to the financially irresponsible spouse you’ll still hit that rainy day but with bad credit and no savings. It’s your life. These are your choices. But don’t fool yourself. You’re better offer swallowing the bitter pill, and planning appropriately for your financial future with or without your spouse. Protect yourself. He’s going to screw you. He already has. Ugh, JMX I’m sorry you are going through this! And Elynne, I’m so happy you are OUT. So happy!! Listen, this is classic passive aggression. Even the steaks!! Instead of boring you with an analysis, just go to...well I won’t say Amazon...go to Powell’s online and buy the book “Living with the Passive Aggressive Man.” That’s what you got. I have to say that I have never made even a third of the annual income you describe, but there’s no money that could have persuaded me to stay in my previous marriage. In fact, I may never make that kind of dough and may spend the rest of my life paying back various debts, but I’m not constantly tortured by a passive aggressive spouse. I have an amazing husband who in addition to having real emotional maturity, empathy, and generosity, also fucks my brains out on the regular and I mean BRAINS OUT. Ideally, life should offer us compromises, but since it never offered me one, I’m grateful to be broke with him than better off with my ex. Life is short. I WILL get that book. Thank you. I sure love you to pieces.
|
|
|
Post by elkclan2 on Aug 10, 2019 3:49:49 GMT -5
Hey, JMX. This shit is hard. It's hard to pull the trigger. But as someone who is out and who dithered for ages and ages - you can do this. Living with that kind of disregard will erode you. It's acid on the soul.
And it's not a necessarily a fairy tale to find someone who loves you and thinks about you. What may be a fairy tale is finding someone who loves and cares about you AND Tennessee beats Alabama this October.
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2019 22:25:36 GMT -5
I even got a good ole’ pat on the back (just today!) for how I handled the children finding out about my EAP sexting nightmare when I told her about it? Wow JMX care to expand on this? I got 2 teens and EXTREME cheat-a-phobia. I’m also very tired and weary, looking for some way to lighten up. I wrote a previous thread about it . That should give you everything.
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Aug 12, 2019 22:32:29 GMT -5
Hey, JMX. This shit is hard. It's hard to pull the trigger. But as someone who is out and who dithered for ages and ages - you can do this. Living with that kind of disregard will erode you. It's acid on the soul. And it's not a necessarily a fairy tale to find someone who loves you and thinks about you. What may be a fairy tale is finding someone who loves and cares about you AND Tennessee beats Alabama this October. I do feel like acid has been poured on me daily. Saturday. I had a weekend off. Of course. We had to go on the boat. I feel like it’s obligatory on my off days... He went to get gas in the truck and came home Freaking out - someone had hacked his account. I said - hold on! Let me check mine. I did and I had also been compromised. Separate accounts, same truck stop 2 hours away. I started getting dressed to go to the bank to figure it out - and before you know it - he was gone. He KNEW I was compromised too. I called him. He answered. He did not realize I wanted to come with him. I joined him later. Divorce is the only option. I don’t know what else to do. I just got the”working on our marriage book”. Ughhh.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2019 8:40:01 GMT -5
Jmx said: “ I had a weekend off. Of course. We had to go on the boat. I feel like it’s obligatory on my off days... “
Why should you be obliged to go in the boat on your weekends off? Your husband bored you to tears. Why do you feel you have to spend your rare free weekend on the boat with him?
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 13, 2019 18:11:55 GMT -5
Hey, JMX. This shit is hard. It's hard to pull the trigger. But as someone who is out and who dithered for ages and ages - you can do this. Living with that kind of disregard will erode you. It's acid on the soul. And it's not a necessarily a fairy tale to find someone who loves you and thinks about you. What may be a fairy tale is finding someone who loves and cares about you AND Tennessee beats Alabama this October. I do feel like acid has been poured on me daily. Saturday. I had a weekend off. Of course. We had to go on the boat. I feel like it’s obligatory on my off days... I said - hold on! Let me check mine. I did and I had also been compromised. Separate accounts, same truck stop 2 hours away. He KNEW I was compromised too. Pardon my ignorance, or lack of understanding. Did you find out that he was using your credit card, 2 hrs. away, to fuel his boat? As far as the obligatory weekends... I know this all to well. Especially not being able to combat the " for the children" line. I can imagine your H would not go shoe, purse, clothes shopping with you and your daughters for a weekend? Double standards?
|
|
|
Post by angeleyes65 on Aug 14, 2019 8:22:58 GMT -5
My ex was also filling a void with shopping. A void he caused with a porn addiction. He got us in some serious debt. I made sure it was all paid off before I left. At times I felt he tried to create more debt to keep me there. I paid the bills I told him I would just stop until they repossess everything and file bankrupcy . Kept him in line until I got out
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Aug 14, 2019 20:21:36 GMT -5
angeleyes65 I paid the bills I told him I would just stop until they repossess everything and file bankrupcy . WTG! "Wishing I could find a girl like you!" or some similar titled song sounds appropriate.
edit
Foreigner - Waiting for a Girl Like You [Lyrics]
|
|
|
Wow.
Aug 14, 2019 22:27:43 GMT -5
Post by 2019change on Aug 14, 2019 22:27:43 GMT -5
Dear JMX, your post said you have had enough you swore a lot, So did you it or do only come here to vent? This is not aimed at you i just feel we vent here and go back without saying a word.
|
|