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Post by obobfla on Jul 24, 2019 21:01:05 GMT -5
JMX, I’m so sorry it has come to this. What really sucks is that he destroyed the marriage in such a passive-aggressive manner. He just didn’t care and didn’t have the balls to tell you. He couldn’t even tell himself. Sad. Financial stability might have the only thing keeping you together, and he took that away. You are left with almost no choice but to divorce him. The good news is that you know you can now find another man who actually appreciates you and pursue him without guilt. Things will get better. Not sure how you want to approach the relationship with STBX. He doesn’t sound too mentally healthy right now. It’s time to go.
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Post by JMX on Jul 24, 2019 22:20:34 GMT -5
JMXI’m so sorry to hear this and if you need to talk you know I’m here. He is a child - get rid of him! If the payments were automatic then he stopped them, that’s intentional. His priorities are in the wrong place and then when you came home he was playing video games? Girl, I would have poured a cup of water down the back of the video game system. Honey you deserve better and maybe not having him in your life is better. Big Hugs to you I have thought about ruining the gaming system - but realized he would just buy another one... Sigh. We are due for a chat. Will try to hit you up soon.
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Wow.
Jul 25, 2019 6:48:00 GMT -5
JMX likes this
Post by greatcoastal on Jul 25, 2019 6:48:00 GMT -5
Statistics show that the the leading cause for divorce is cheating (ie: sex) A close second and in many cases no. one, is finances ( ie:money) Yours is both! Along with all of this is lack of respect, communication and ,above all, trust. I went through much of the same. If you remember my story, the hard part was proving where the money is currently. Hopefully you are many steps ahead by hiding your own and tracking his. So glad for you that you have experienced "some opposite land" and that your daughters are ready for it. www.divorcemag.com/blog/financial-infidelity/?fbclid=IwAR3216rPkD4yY8qvXlYegZaiFJM2MF6q7yNAhNqNWrarPAgxVFDCchn5CJw
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Wow.
Jul 27, 2019 4:03:39 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Jul 27, 2019 4:03:39 GMT -5
There was a Facebook page saying we should stop teaching maths at school and teach home budgeting instead. Most adults seem to have huge problems with the idea of planned budgeting.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 27, 2019 8:53:19 GMT -5
There was a Facebook page saying we should stop teaching maths at school and teach home budgeting instead. Most adults seem to have huge problems with the idea of planned budgeting. When I was in high school here in the USA, back in the mid 60's the curriculum was somewhat different from today. I remember many of the girls who weren't likely to go on to college took a subject call Home Economics. They learned to cook, balance a checkbook, create and live on a budget. In general they learned how to manage a household as preparation for marriage or living on their own. Many of the guys took Shop or courses in building trades. Here construction was a primary entry level job source for those with only a high school degree. It still is.
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Wow.
Jul 27, 2019 19:09:57 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Jul 27, 2019 19:09:57 GMT -5
I recall Home Economics fondly. The girls would arrive at school with tins of ingredients and leave with cakes etc. The schoil also had a model apartment they coyld practice on. Most of the girls loathed the subject and it was dropped as being sexist. Us boys got carpentry and metalwork. Again it was dropped as being unnecessary as it had descended into a dumping class for non acedemic children.
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Post by Handy on Jul 27, 2019 19:53:06 GMT -5
The name "Home Economics" was changed to "Independent Living Skills" and boys as well as girls attended. Another class I remember from the many schools I attended was called "Consumer Economics." We didn't learn much but the teacher tried to cover banking in general, checking accounts, automobile insurance, buying things on credit VS cash and maybe some other topics. I don't know because it became a class project to irritate the instructor. I still remember how upset she was.
When you are 14 or 15 years old with no income or the above expenses, no one applied them self. People learn more when they have "skin in the game" IOW an income and those type of out lays.
Instead of "shop" for high school boys and some girls, we have what is called "Pre Voteh" classes. Those classes are in automotive repair, building construction, maybe welding and maybe some other topics.
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Post by jim44444 on Jul 27, 2019 21:27:27 GMT -5
JMX, I am saddened to read your post. He has shown his true colors, his lack of caring for you. You posted this 4 days ago. Now that your initial anger has cooled what are you doing about your marriage? Did you call your lawyer? Do not let time lull you into a delusion that things are improving, you know that they will not. Let your righteous anger propel you into pursuing your best path.
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Post by JMX on Jul 27, 2019 21:37:20 GMT -5
I recall Home Economics fondly. The girls would arrive at school with tins of ingredients and leave with cakes etc. The schoil also had a model apartment they coyld practice on. Most of the girls loathed the subject and it was dropped as being sexist. Us boys got carpentry and metalwork. Again it was dropped as being unnecessary as it had descended into a dumping class for non acedemic children. At the U of Alabama, I know a couple of girls that majored in Marriage and Family. My closest friend? No children and eventually changed to nursing, married a man she didn’t love and now does title searches for oil drilling leases for a company with the man she does LOVE. No children. For women? Not a good life path but good to learn? For men, should have been their lode path - but they chose differently. Now they have shot degrees in bullshit and can make $30-40k when they could make $100-$125k without even trying. Too many women in “their passion”. Which doesn’t pay shit. Too many men following suit.
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Post by JMX on Jul 27, 2019 22:33:20 GMT -5
JMX, I am saddened to read your post. He has shown his true colors, his lack of caring for you. You posted this 4 days ago. Now that your initial anger has cooled what are you doing about your marriage? Did you call your lawyer? Do not let time lull you into a delusion that things are improving, you know that they will not. Let your righteous anger propel you into pursuing your best path. He would not talk to me face-to-face. He finally talks with me on the phone. He said he was only 68 days late on his payment. He has “been kicking himself”. I asked if this was a “fuck you” He said, “No.” We had a serious conversation - I brought up some points about how he didn’t really care about me, he counter-pointed. He has spent the days sense, playing video games. No I do not have an appointment - I will - with my lawyer. I showered and shaved. After getting turned on by my EAP.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 27, 2019 22:38:03 GMT -5
JMX, if you make that kind of money, you can well afford to leave. You have only yourself to blame if you elect to stay.
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Post by JMX on Jul 27, 2019 23:17:43 GMT -5
JMX, if you make that kind of money, you can well afford to leave. You have only yourself to blame if you elect to stay. I get where you are coming from. I would have said the same in my own industry during 2008-2016. Honestly, the toughest years ever. And they never ended!!! I am currently doing well - in an industry that is subject to change at a whim. We suffered, we are now whole and debt free. Boom, Bust, and Boom again. The next bust is coming again too! Currently in this way we cannot meet the demand. We are headed for another bust. That and the dwindling population. Don’t @ me with how much I make. I do well now. I could fall on my face tomorrow I hunt and KILL. MY job is feast or famine. I am currently in FEAST. I can be proud of my current feast, and understand it gets me ‘right” but it will not last. *edited to take politics out of the discussion.
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Post by JMX on Jul 27, 2019 23:32:24 GMT -5
JMX, if you make that kind of money, you can well afford to leave. You have only yourself to blame if you elect to stay. I get where you are coming from. I would have said the same in my own industry during the Obama years. I am currently doing well - in an industry that is subject to change at a whim. Want to know what Robert Reich said about my industry only a few short years ago? To not get political - I would have you google or YouTube Robert Reich and white construction workers We suffered, we are now whole and debt free. Boom, Bust, and Boom again. The next bust is coming again too! Currently in this way we cannot meet the demand. We are headed for another bust. That and the dwindling population. Don’t @ me with how much I make. I do well now. I could fall on my face tomorrow I hunt and KILL. MY job is feast or famine. I am currently in FEAST. I can be proud of my current feast, and understand it gets me ‘right” but it will not last. Furthermore - my current position guarantees I will have to pay child support. I might not have a good year- it will be hard to tell.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 28, 2019 11:48:13 GMT -5
I'm only saying that if you have the money to get out now, perhaps you should take advantage of your financial position to do so. If the bust comes, you could be stuck even longer. Plus the longer you stay married, the more time your spouse has to spend the assets.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 28, 2019 12:01:26 GMT -5
“Furthermore - my current position guarantees I will have to pay child support. I might not have a good year- it will be hard to tell.”
Talk to a lawyer and financial planner about your concerns. And end giving expensive presents to your spouse and cut back on other expenses. Start living financially leaner. Live a budget that you can continue to live on in an economic crash.
Otherwise, you will keep finding excuses to stay with a man who treats you at best with indifference. Keep staying and at some point you will have virtually no choice but to stay and will look sadly back on these days when you had a choice but didn’t take it.
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