Post by cassiopeia92 on May 16, 2019 12:59:49 GMT -5
This is twofold please bear with me. I got some really excellent advice today from a new friend. She said to completely take everything to do with my husband including his health issues off the table and look at what I want my life to look like. What will make me happy. To sit and think about it and make lists. Then set a date to make a decision by and stick to it.
Welllll, the date part threw me. I understand why but what is reasonable?
The next part is something I discussed with my daughter that could be an exit plan but could also be an emergency plan. What if one day my husband decided to just up and return to the States? What if something happened to him?
My daughter worked out until I get to State pension age in just over 4 and a half years I would have to work. Possibly part time would work to shore up my private pensions. Also a move to a cheaper rent home, I saw a lovely 1 bedroom house in a nice area that would work perfectly.
I decided the little bits of credit we have I need to pay down and eliminate altogether. I also need to have a seperate account that is in my name only to squirrel money to.
So its an exit plan that could become a real exit plan and I have to say it looks attractive.
I also need to outsource to make myself happy. I realised this because just a couple of days talking to a truly nice man in the same situation has made me feel so much better about myself.
Last night when I went to touch and kiss my husband it was like hitting a brick wall. My friend was there to understand just how shit that felt.
So here I am, undecided with no deadline, but with a plan in place that might or might not be an exit plan.
How the hell do you set a date? Or do I leave the date till my plan is at least where I could live alone if I had to?
This is why you need to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. There could be a compelling case to leave a.s.a.p. There could be a compelling case to leave it for another year (or 4.5 years as you mention)
Anyway, my suggestion ..... See a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. Within the parameters of that legal advice, put together an exit strategy (in your case, refine the rough exit strategy you are already working on) Shore up your support network. If kids are a consideration, research everything you can about shepherding them through such a process.
Once you've done all that, and are sitting pretty with a do-able exit strategy in your pocket, what happens next is entirely at your discretion. You may action your exit strategy as soon as you've lined up those ducks (above) You may, on the other hand, decide it's all too hard and choose not to action your exit strategy but just keep it up your sleeve until the situation becomes intolerable.
It reads like you might have a crack at cheating whilst this all plays out. I'd suggest that you do as suggested above in that case. Get your exit strategy all sorted out before you embark on that .... reason being that the cheating option is invariably a game changer and can spin things off at unexpected tangents over which you have no control, including getting caught and your spouse initiating the end of the marriage.
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petrushka: Thank you! Had a great party with the boardgamers group (and BBQ, cakes and cards!)
Jan 18, 2020 20:14:00 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate
Jan 18, 2020 22:10:28 GMT -5
frednsa: yaaaaiiiiiieeeeoooooouuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk ! OK, if feel better now.....
Feb 29, 2020 18:14:01 GMT -5
petrushka: Glad you got that off your chest ;-)
Mar 6, 2020 23:35:38 GMT -5
worksforme2: It is a sad day here in my small town, the only cinema has closed...it's probably close to 30 miles to get to one now...
Mar 7, 2020 19:48:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5