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Post by deleted on May 25, 2016 19:02:41 GMT -5
About two weeks ago, the wife came into our bedroom to chat. I was lying in bed surfing porn. I thought I had stopped it when she came in the room. Apparently, I hadn't. She heard moaning from a couple engaging in sexual intercourse. She asked what it was. I told her it was a video one of my buddies sent me. It must have made her think. Twice, thus week she has attempting to service me by hand and orally. Unfortunately, my psychological issues have kept me from being aroused to the point of ejaculation. I suspect we may be having some icky conversations in the near future. I wonder if this damage can be undone. I hope it can.
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Post by unmatched on May 25, 2016 19:10:50 GMT -5
Icky conversations are a good thing. They are what makes life work, and stops it descending into a plastic hell of superficial niceness. I would go for as much ickiness as you both can stand  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2016 19:20:18 GMT -5
Dear Deleted:
I hope you received the video of the birth of my new calf. There sure was a lot of wailing, and the mother was clearly uncomfortable and loud throughout the delivery. I even got a bit anxious and yelled a few times, but things worked out well.
Anyway, I hope you liked the video. Also, did you get your new prescription for your eyewear?
Your friend,
island
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Post by angryspartan on May 25, 2016 19:56:02 GMT -5
The mental issues are difficult to overcome. Sorry man, that's rough.
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 20:22:47 GMT -5
I would love to say keep letting her. But if my wife tried to service me, I would have a hard time ejaculating too. In fact, I would probably turn her away.
I guess I am the refuser now. I see signs that she may want to have sex. But after being rejected and ignored for so long, I don't trust her for sex anymore than a way to keep me around a little longer, and I am no longer attracted to her.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2016 20:41:51 GMT -5
That's what happens. They really should not be so surprised. They told us, "No," over and over and over and over.
So, finally, we got the message.
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Post by warmways on May 25, 2016 20:47:53 GMT -5
I feel the same way!!! I know what you mean and never thought I would not want what I've longed for for all my marriage but it feels wrong. It's all the distance, refusing avoiding,not keeping his word stonewalling refusing sooooo many times that changed something. Something in me shut down but I'm lucky because I haven't shut out sex completely. I have to wonder how he would expect me to be into it at this point anyway. To be clear, He hasn't offered anything.just wants a kiss and hug every morning and that's it. I have too much resentment from being discarded all these years. I have to work through a lot of anger from being ignored.  |
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Post by baza on May 25, 2016 22:14:38 GMT -5
About two weeks ago, the wife came into our bedroom to chat. I was lying in bed surfing porn. I thought I had stopped it when she came in the room. Apparently, I hadn't. She heard moaning from a couple engaging in sexual intercourse. She asked what it was. I told her it was a video one of my buddies sent me. It must have made her think. Twice, thus week she has attempting to service me by hand and orally. Unfortunately, my psychological issues have kept me from being aroused to the point of ejaculation. I suspect we may be having some icky conversations in the near future. I wonder if this damage can be undone. I hope it can. Exactly what "damage" are you referring to Brother deleted ? A straight up conversation coming out of it would be a good thing would it not ? |
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Post by petrushka on May 25, 2016 22:58:22 GMT -5
Hot diggedy. I would welcome any attempt at 'servicing'. <sigh> Even one that does not lead to 'the conclusion'.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 26, 2016 3:55:31 GMT -5
Sorry for the psychological hangup. But I understand it. After refusing PIV so often I finally just started asking for a bj when it seemed a convenient time for both of us. At first it went smoothly as she seemed more inclined for this. But I have always been long winded with considerable staying power. She soon complained of how long it took for me to ejaculate. The more she complained the more pressure I felt to finish quickly, which resulted in the loss of the pleasurable aspects of a hummer, causing me to last even longer. Eventually the bj's became harder and harder to come by. We talked about it but the talks took on the same personality as our talks about the lack of intimacy in general. Then they pretty much went away. So I know pretty much exactly where you are at.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 26, 2016 5:47:10 GMT -5
I would love to say keep letting her. But if my wife tried to service me, I would have a hard time ejaculating too. In fact, I would probably turn her away. I guess I am the refuser now. I see signs that she may want to have sex. But after being rejected and ignored for so long, I don't trust her for sex anymore than a way to keep me around a little longer, and I am no longer attracted to her. Just to continue this a little more for Deleted. Along with reset sex comes a huge fear. Of trust. Questions that could linger for years. Will this last? What else is she trying to con me out of? If she can turn it on like a switch, she can turn it right back off, then what? you are concerned with having communication, because that takes two people opening up their hearts, and being vulnerable by trusting someone with your emotions. That was trampled a long time ago and needs to be guarded. Sounds like a pivot point. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2016 9:53:09 GMT -5
I feel the same way!!! I know what you mean and never thought I would not want what I've longed for for all my marriage but it feels wrong. It's all the distance, refusing avoiding,not keeping his word stonewalling refusing sooooo many times that changed something. Something in me shut down but I'm lucky because I haven't shut out sex completely. I have to wonder how he would expect me to be into it at this point anyway. To be clear, He hasn't offered anything.just wants a kiss and hug every morning and that's it. I have too much resentment from being discarded all these years. I have to work through a lot of anger from being ignored. It's like I am reading my own post! This pretty sums up my current situation. I am so glad that you haven't let him ruin your sexual desire completely. I can see how it can happen to those of us who are rejected more than wanted. Hoping you can work through the anger...I am not so sure I can get past the anger and resentment at this point. Not sure I even want to. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 26, 2016 10:09:08 GMT -5
I feel the same way!!! I know what you mean and never thought I would not want what I've longed for for all my marriage but it feels wrong. It's all the distance, refusing avoiding,not keeping his word stonewalling refusing sooooo many times that changed something. Something in me shut down but I'm lucky because I haven't shut out sex completely. I have to wonder how he would expect me to be into it at this point anyway. To be clear, He hasn't offered anything.just wants a kiss and hug every morning and that's it. I have too much resentment from being discarded all these years. I have to work through a lot of anger from being ignored. It's like I am reading my own post! This pretty sums up my current situation. I am so glad that you haven't let him ruin your sexual desire completely. I can see how it can happen to those of us who are rejected more than wanted. Hoping you can work through the anger...I am not so sure I can get past the anger and resentment at this point. Not sure I even want to. You will forgive, ( not for his benefit, but for your own, and the child) but you will not forget. So you can learn from your mistakes. |
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Post by LITW on May 26, 2016 10:32:46 GMT -5
My initial feeling is that the icky conversations are going to be a good thing. The fact that she viewed that you had to resort to porn as an incentive to be sexual with you is huge, and will work in your favor in the long run (it shows that at least on SOME level she does care). I know what its like to have walls that years of indifference and/or refusal have caused you to put up, they are very hard to get past. I hope you are successful at working though the issues, and can get past the roadblocks.
(Still amazed at her reaction ... my wife thinks looking at porn is the moral equivalent of adultery, so her catching me looking at porn would guarantee no sex at all.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2016 11:47:58 GMT -5
About two weeks ago, the wife came into our bedroom to chat. I was lying in bed surfing porn. I thought I had stopped it when she came in the room. Apparently, I hadn't. She heard moaning from a couple engaging in sexual intercourse. She asked what it was. I told her it was a video one of my buddies sent me. It must have made her think. Twice, thus week she has attempting to service me by hand and orally. Unfortunately, my psychological issues have kept me from being aroused to the point of ejaculation. I suspect we may be having some icky conversations in the near future. I wonder if this damage can be undone. I hope it can. It's hard to blow your wad when your defenses are up, which they are because you've been hurt quite badly by this person. Can it be undone? Yes if you're both 150% committed to fundamentally changing your relationship. If she's committed to a hand job here and there so you won't watch porn, no, this cannot be undone. Edit: Good question from baza what damage we're talking about here. I mean sexlessness in your marriage. The odds of undoing that are slim. You might be able to have an orgasm with her again though. Depends how much you feel like you can let go around her. Some icky talks may help with that much, yes. |
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