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Post by ironhamster on Apr 26, 2019 5:14:39 GMT -5
"Indifferent."
My read on this is that there is a definite level of indifference on her part. I don't know the whole situation, but it seems to me she has a certain level of indifference to your needs.
Have you thought about what an ideal relationship for you would look in terms of sexual frequency, and what sort of sex, and the duration of romps? Do that, then have a nice talk over a quiet dinner with her and see if what you want is even conceivable to her.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 26, 2019 11:22:48 GMT -5
I'm in the boat with ironhamster. Communication is critical when confronting the issue of a SM. The conversation must be non confrontational but you must get across to her how damaging her actions or inactions are to you and the relationship. Then set about being explicit in what your expectations are and what you are willing to do to help both her and the marriage get to where you think it reasonable. If she is willing to try and meet you half way there may be some hope. But if she is "indifferent" or worst states she has no interest in anything sexual then you are looking at some difficult decisions ahead. Good luck.
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Post by theexplorer on Apr 29, 2019 15:15:52 GMT -5
Before having the talk with your wife, I would suggest consulting a divorce attorney. Find out how things work in your area. You may find that you have a window of time to file for divorce before it becomes very expensive to leave. If so, take this into account when making plans.
In my situation, I waited to long, hoping to fix the problems. The problems have never been resolved and now leaving is hardly an option financially. Don't get financially trapped!! It really sucks!!
The early years of my marriage were the best years of my life. Then a major problem developed which changed the course of the marriage. It took me much to long to realize my marriage had fundamentally changed. The wonderful years were gone, never to return. I was stubborn and did everything possible to fix the marriage. That was a complete waste of effort. It can not be fixed!
If I could go back in time and give my younger self some advice, it would be to see reality and don't be afraid to end the marriage. Staying will only cause additional pain and harm!
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2019 16:11:21 GMT -5
What you describe is exactly how the sms of many here started. Don’t kid yourself. The only hope for you is if you confront it directly now and she chooses to change. Otherwise, unless she wants another child, you eventually will be completely sexless. The statistics and many of us on this site (including "stayers") would bear this out. Your path is EXACTLY the path so many of us have tread. Baza also hit the nail on the head that your resentment levels will build into your 40's and the resentment often kills the marriage even without any other extenuating circumstances. If you can survive that era, then the marriage can be OK again. It will be sexless, make no mistake, but OK. You should also be forewarned that "why/fixing/resentment/reset/repeat" arc can be 15-20 years long in repeating patterns.
Once you stop "talking about it", once you let go of your resentment, she will largely consider the matter settled. Successfully settled in her eyes because you finally stopped being a horny jerk. Low libido wins, always.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jun 16, 2019 17:17:21 GMT -5
If you stay, stay with the understanding that sex will not change for her. A person either wants sex or they don't and there isn't much you can do to change that. Eventually, you may come to the realization that even if she offers sex to you freely, you will not have a desire for her. If you stay, stay knowing these things. The only one you can change is you. May you find peace, what ever you decide.
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