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Post by saarinista on May 16, 2019 18:43:04 GMT -5
saarinista said: "Perhaps so, but no one has yet asked ME, a woman who would like to have actual sex, to do so. My online buddy seems dedicated to keeping things strictly digital, though I've asked him for more. No other offers are pending, either." One is a small sample. I've read here and elsewhere that women who use sites like Ashley Madison have a plethora of offers while men have to work very hard to find possible affair partners there. Sounds like if you want in person sex, you're wasting your time with your on-line buddy and would be better off spending your energy on a more willing prospect. . You raise good points. However I just don't know that I want to go the route of actually getting on a website created specifically for married people to have affairs. I'm pretty sure that's what Ashley Madison is about. Call me a hypocrite but it feels a little I don't know.... scary? Not only that but isn't that the site used by Josh Duggar, that dude who was on the the TV show "18 Kids and Counting" or however many it was? That association alone is enough to drive me away from that particular site.đ I really think I'd be most comfortable with meeting someone "organically" through a Twitter, Instagram or other forum conversation about mutual interests. But I might change my mind. |
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Post by choosinghappy on May 16, 2019 22:16:21 GMT -5
[/div] There are a small number of women in SM that might entertain a relationship with a man also in a SM, but I haven't encountered any of those women. Add to that are two common factors, how charming is the man and how much "play money" he has to devote to the affair.
[/quote] Ugh, this is such a stereotype. I was one of those âsmall number of womenâ you mention here Handy and I can assure you that money didnât even factor into the equation. As for charm: I didnât look for someone âcharmingâ, I was interested in the chemistry between the two of us. Perhaps you havenât personally encountered any women like this but all you have to do is read posts here to see that plenty of us exist and have had satisfying sexual affairs while still in our SMs. (And not once have I ever seen charm or money mentioned as criteria.) |
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Post by saarinista on May 17, 2019 1:58:38 GMT -5
Handy , I'm with choosinghappy here. I'm not interested I someone who is lazy, but so long as they like to do stuff, are clean and well groomed, appreciate beautiful things and we are compatible, I'm fine. I mean no one wants to have the power turned off, but I find gold digging just morally sad. As for charm, I do like a friendly personality and a sense of humor. is that charm? everyone is different.
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Post by Handy on May 17, 2019 3:56:11 GMT -5
I based my post about money and charm from reading an affair forum from about 5 years ago to about a year ago when something happened to the forum. One guy said he spent $500 a month and several married women listed all of the activities the guy funded and how much the guy gave to the women. Maybe some of the women were so enamored with their affair man that the women made the guys sound like they were very charming. OTH, there was one woman that said she met her guy and they had sex in the back of her SUV. Maybe I am selling myself short on charm and what I like to do. I am a bit over weight but clean and have a lot of interests. I don't care for most sports so watching sports on TV isn't my thing. I try to listen to people but have encountered some people that dominate conversations. I will keep in mind what everyone has said. I do not profess to know how most things work regarding relationships, but do know people's preferences vary.
The people posting on ILIASM are a great resource.
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Post by northstarmom on May 17, 2019 8:27:17 GMT -5
Saarinista: âI really think I'd be most comfortable with meeting someone "organically" through a Twitter, Instagram or other forum conversation about mutual interests. But I might change my mind.â
Those methods may be what works for you. However, whatever method you use if the prospect is resistant to moving on to in person sex, then you need to move on not keep trying to seduce them. Some people enjoy flirtation and online friendships but donât want in person sex.
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Post by northstarmom on May 17, 2019 8:33:46 GMT -5
Handy said: âOne guy said he spent $500 a month and several married women listed all of the activities the guy funded and how much the guy gave to the women. Maybe some of the women were so enamored with their affair man that the women made the guys sound like they were very charming.
OTH, there was one woman that said she met her guy and they had sex in the back of her SUV.
Maybe I am selling myself short on charm and what I like to do. I am a bit over weight but clean and have a lot of interests. I don't care for most sports so watching sports on TV isn't my thing. I try to listen to people but have encountered some people that dominate conversations.â
I think your problem is you present yourself to others including women as a handyman â the friendly, nice guy they can call in to do favors. You spend your time with women fixing things or helping them out. The women regard you as a friend, a brother, a nice guy they can call in to help them save money....
The guys who are getting laid arenât fixing womenâs faucets, they are getting to know women and flirting with them and finding out about the womenâs lives. Being a good listener and showing appreciation of a womanâs looks and charm are ways of having women view you as a potential lover. It would be easier to create such relationships with women who donât already view you as their unpaid handyman.
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Post by northstarmom on May 17, 2019 8:36:44 GMT -5
Handy said: One guy said he spent $500 a month and several married women listed all of the activities the guy funded and how much the guy gave to the women. Maybe some of the women were so enamored with their affair man that the women made the guys sound like they were very charming.â
Single women who go after married men are likely to expect expensive gifts, trips, etc. Not likely true for married women who are looking for sex. Think about it: a married woman would have to hide the trips and gifts from her husband.
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Post by Handy on May 17, 2019 17:24:58 GMT -5
NSM
Think about it: a married woman would have to hide the trips and gifts from her husband.
Yes, I have read about hiding gifts or more often not accepting gifts. But the men do put on a good show and do some slightly lavish things while they are hooking up with their regular side relationship from what I have read in the past 5 years.
The guys who are getting laid arenât fixing womenâs faucets, they are getting to know women and flirting with them and finding out about the womenâs lives. Being a good listener and showing appreciation of a womanâs looks and charm are ways of having women view you as a potential lover. It would be easier to create such relationships with women who donât already view you as their unpaid handyman.
So, you nailed it again. You know what is best better than I do. I am going to back off from the handyman skills and try to concentrate on some emotional need they have.
Thank you for the insights and advice.
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Post by northstarmom on May 17, 2019 17:54:11 GMT -5
When it comes to charm, the most charming thing a man or woman can do to me is to be genuinely interested in my life and thoughts. Women tend to do that when they converse. It tends to be reciprocal with each conversant expressing interest in the other. Men, however, tend to think that the way to charm is to talk about themselves so the other person admires them or is attracted to them. I've spent a lot of time nodding and smiling during such one-sided conversations while I look for a way to gracefully exit.
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Post by baza on May 17, 2019 18:27:19 GMT -5
When it comes to charm, the most charming thing a man or woman can do to me is to be genuinely interested in my life and thoughts. Women tend to do that when they converse. It tends to be reciprocal with each conversant expressing interest in the other. Men, however, tend to think that the way to charm is to talk about themselves so the other person admires them or is attracted to them. I've spent a lot of time nodding and smiling during such one-sided conversations while I look for a way to gracefully exit. This is interesting. An old school friend of Ms enna's was in town on Wednesday with her spouse, and we arranged to take them out to lunch. Nothing flash, just a small restaurant on an olive farm a bit out of town. I'd never met either of them. The husband is a movie critic, well known nationally in my jurisdiction. Over the two or so hours we spent there, I would say that "Movie Critiquing" and or "Showbiz" featured in the conversation for about 10 seconds max. And this bloke was respectful to the serving staff (who managed to fuck our order up - which was a minor matter), and people who wanted to take a selfie with him etc etc. He did as much listening as he did talking. The word "charming" could be applied, but really, he just seemed genuinely interested in people. |
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Post by solodriver on May 17, 2019 20:37:45 GMT -5
I certainly don't have money and I guess charm is in the eye of the beholder.
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Post by solodriver on May 17, 2019 20:42:41 GMT -5
saarinista said "That should offer hope to married men looking for extramarital sex, too. You never know."
Hope is all I have at this point.
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Post by saarinista on May 19, 2019 21:40:50 GMT -5
saarinista said "That should offer hope to married men looking for extramarital sex, too. You never know." Hope is all I have at this point. care to expand on that rather gloomy-sounding statement solodriver? |
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Post by Handy on May 19, 2019 22:07:02 GMT -5
The way I read Solodriver's comment (from my POV and experiences) is he hasn't observed first hand any woman that showed interest in him and he doesn't think he has a lot of extra play money to attract very many prospects. So maybe getting lucky (hope) is one of his best chances.
Anyway, that is mostly my mindset right now.
OTH, I am taking some advice from you lovely ladies in reference to being able to cultivate some more female friends. Male friends too so that is good. I am paying a little more attention to looking better and listening for clues concerning what might be a woman's primary emotional want.
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Post by solodriver on May 20, 2019 1:30:01 GMT -5
saarinista said "That should offer hope to married men looking for extramarital sex, too. You never know." Hope is all I have at this point. care to expand on that rather gloomy-sounding statement solodriver ? Well right now, what you said helps me to get through the lonely day-to-day struggle and that I might find someone who would find me desirable. It just hasn't happened for me yet. |
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