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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 15:56:21 GMT -5
womensinfidelity.com/why_women_divorce.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_PDWgOfS4QIVgkOGCh3lLg7nEAMYAiAAEgLCzPD_BwEwww.counter-currents.com/2011/06/rotating-polyandry-and-its-enforcers-part-1/I saw this article and book about Michelle Langley about women's infidelity. I thought that this is a very good article about this subject and SM in general. I am starting to think what she wrote about my W is correct. Maybe it is not true that my W doesn't want sex, but maybe she doesn't want sex with me. Michelle Langley talked about the 4 stages of infidelity and I think my W is somewhere between in stage 1 and 2. A tall tale sign is that my W doesn't seem to want to be emotionally available in the relationship, instead wants to focus on me being that bad and cheating husband. What do you guys think? Edit: Just for your information. I think my W believes that am the cheating type, but never caught me doing it because I really tried to be discrete about it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2019 16:50:37 GMT -5
I guess my only question would be /were you that cheating husband?/ Because if you were, women sense that stuff in about a nanosecond. On some level, she’ll know and that’s pretty much the end of that.
Just my .02.
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Post by choosinghappy on Apr 15, 2019 17:50:27 GMT -5
This author appears to have zero credentials and it shows. Everything she writes and presents as fact is based on her opinion and talking with others. I personally wouldn’t put much stock in it.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 18:42:34 GMT -5
I guess my only question would be /were you that cheating husband?/ Because if you were, women sense that stuff in about a nanosecond. On some level, she’ll know and that’s pretty much the end of that. Just my .02. That's a chicken before the egg question. She long exhibited this behavior before I 'cheated.' I used to be a real tolerant person towards my W and I was considered a "nice guy." But my W took advantage of that and she stepped all over me. Now if she steps out of bounds I let her know. She hates that about me, but at least she respects me. |
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Post by sadkat on Apr 15, 2019 20:19:13 GMT -5
I hate it when someone generalizes a topic! Women’s infidelity is much more complex than a 4 year chemical BS this author portrays. Take me for example- I outsourced and am now divorcing my husband because he refused to be sexually intimate with me. Where do I fit into this grand conclusion?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2019 21:56:45 GMT -5
I guess my only question would be /were you that cheating husband?/ Because if you were, women sense that stuff in about a nanosecond. On some level, she’ll know and that’s pretty much the end of that. Just my .02. That's a chicken before the egg question. She long exhibited this behavior before I 'cheated.' I used to be a real tolerant person towards my W and I was considered a "nice guy." But my W took advantage of that and she stepped all over me. Now if she steps out of bounds I let her know. She hates that about me, but at least she respects me. I totally get it. And I should’ve been clear- I don’t judge anyone with good reason who outsources. However, what I meant to say is that once you’ve gone outside the marriage for sex, most women will sense that on some level, even if unconsciously. At that point, there is likely no turning things around. You’re best off to start seriously planning your exit strategy. It’s over. |
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 22:45:20 GMT -5
That's a chicken before the egg question. She long exhibited this behavior before I 'cheated.' I used to be a real tolerant person towards my W and I was considered a "nice guy." But my W took advantage of that and she stepped all over me. Now if she steps out of bounds I let her know. She hates that about me, but at least she respects me. I totally get it. And I should’ve been clear- I don’t judge anyone with good reason who outsources. However, what I meant to say is that once you’ve gone outside the marriage for sex, most women will sense that on some level, even if unconsciously. At that point, there is likely no turning things around. You’re best off to start seriously planning your exit strategy. It’s over. I know. Thank you for your understanding. I knew that it was over a long time ago, but I've mentioned that I am staying until when the kids are off the nest. I hate it when someone generalizes a topic! Women’s infidelity is much more complex than a 4 year chemical BS this author portrays. Take me for example- I outsourced and am now divorcing my husband because he refused to be sexually intimate with me. Where do I fit into this grand conclusion? I don't think you fit in Michelle Langley about women's infidelity's equation, or most ladies here pertaining to this. I'm sure many of us know many reasons why men initiated the cheating in the marriage. But hey, there are women out there who initiated the cheating in the marriage. I think that this is a good resource for men who are confronted in this situation when the woman who don't want to invest in their marriage. |
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 16, 2019 12:12:52 GMT -5
twotimesone says: "Maybe it is not true that my W doesn't want sex, but maybe she doesn't want sex with me. "
Either way, she doesn't want to have sex with you. What difference does the why make? Knowing it won't cause your wife to have sex with you. Also, maybe she, too, is staying until the kids are gone.... Have you started planning for your life without her? Seeing a lawyer; financial planner; getting a support system beside your wife; developing activities and interests that don't involve her?
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 16, 2019 15:47:03 GMT -5
twotimesone says: "Maybe it is not true that my W doesn't want sex, but maybe she doesn't want sex with me. " Either way, she doesn't want to have sex with you. What difference does the why make? Knowing it won't cause your wife to have sex with you. Also, maybe she, too, is staying until the kids are gone.... Have you started planning for your life without her? Seeing a lawyer; financial planner; getting a support system beside your wife; developing activities and interests that don't involve her? Makes a big difference for me. All the BS that you read in the media about women's role of SM after kids are born is not 100% true. For years I have endured the abuse from my W claiming that I am a bad husband because of "I am not doing any chores BS." Hell, at times I thought I was the cause of the problem in the marriage. Yet it is mainly an excuse for her to make it so bad for me and I have say yes to leaving so she can have the excuse for looking for another man. Hell, I've seen it with one of my W's friends. I will not let her have that. Yeah, it is easier for me to throw in the towel and quit and makes it look simpler. But I am committed to the Marriage, SM from her or not. A marriage is not like buying some car and over the years if you don't like the car, go out and can trade up and get a new one. The book talks about cheating woman wants a man's commitment, but how many times these ladies who had affairs thought about their commitment to their husbands? The women who decides to cheat on their husbands had spent enormous effort in planning their wedding, but not maintaining their marriage. Oh yeah, I have thought about plans in the future with or without her. So don't worry about that. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 16, 2019 20:06:27 GMT -5
It is my humble opinion that most of the "experts" on sexless marriage, it's cause and cures, couldn't stick a thumb up their ass if they used both hands. The same might be said about female infidelity and the usual explanation of insufficient emotional connection from their male partner being the primary motivator or impetus.
I have enjoyed sex with a fair number of women who were at the time married to someone other than me. I don't think I ran across the same reason for their straying in any 2 of them. All had different reasons. I don't think any of them who favored me with their charms were anywhere around the 4 year mark. Most had been married for a decade or more.
EDIT update: One thing a few of them said along with their primary reason for straying with me. They knew it would be fun.
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Post by baza on Apr 17, 2019 2:22:51 GMT -5
If you are into "why chasing" then these linked articles are a good read.
If you are not into "why chasing" then they aren't.
Your spouse may have a really good reason for not wanting sex with you.
OTOH they may have no really good reason for not wanting sex with you.
Either way, they do not want sex with you.
If you know the "why" you have 3 options. Stay, cheat or leave.
If you don't know the "why" you have 3 options. Cheat, leave or stay.
If you can only guess as to the "why" you have 3 options. Leave, stay or cheat.
Whether you know "why" your spouse doesn't want sex with you or not, it doesn't create an additional choice.
And it is from this point that we all start equal, whether the "why" is known or not.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 17, 2019 8:18:12 GMT -5
If you are into "why chasing" then these linked articles are a good read. If you are not into "why chasing" then they aren't. Your spouse may have a really good reason for not wanting sex with you. OTOH they may have no really good reason for not wanting sex with you. Either way, they do not want sex with you. If you know the "why" you have 3 options. Stay, cheat or leave. If you don't know the "why" you have 3 options. Cheat, leave or stay. If you can only guess as to the "why" you have 3 options. Leave, stay or cheat. Whether you know "why" your spouse doesn't want sex with you or not, it doesn't create an additional choice. And it is from this point that we all start equal, whether the "why" is known or not. Baza, I think the problem in the society is that Men decides who to out with and potentially pick their wives, not the other way around. IMO, as the result women tend to have "buyer's remorse" when the woman decided to get married to the guy. I could sense it with my W a few years after we got married. I don't mind that, at least she can be honest with me about it. Instead, she chose to hold back on the relationship and make it look as if it was my problem instead. living.thebump.com/save-marriage-regret-marrying-spouse-10578.htmlThis article has a survey 57% of women regretting to marrying their husbands. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 17, 2019 8:47:03 GMT -5
Baza, I think the problem in the society is that Men decides who to out with and potentially pick their wives, not the other way around. IMO, as the result women tend to have "buyer's remorse" when the woman decided to get married to the guy. I could sense it with my W a few years after we got married. I don't mind that, at least she can be honest with me about it. Instead, she chose to hold back on the relationship and make it look as if it was my problem instead. living.thebump.com/save-marriage-regret-marrying-spouse-10578.htmlThis article has a survey 57% of women regretting to marrying their husbands. I disagree with the survey results. In my case both of my X's apparently experienced this "buyers remorse". In spite of the fact that both had been insistent at the time they wanted marriage ASAP. I think a lot of women may be more in love with the idea of getting married, than they are with the reality of actually being married. |
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Post by nyctos on Apr 17, 2019 9:48:02 GMT -5
Sure, you have 3 options regardless, but I could certainly see instances where the "why" would influence the choice you actually make.
If W was refusing to have sex with me because of an STD (even if she had picked it up cheating) I could at least be more understanding than if she had never really wanted to have sex with me in the first place.
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Post by baza on Apr 20, 2019 20:43:37 GMT -5
The counter argument to that would be -
Say you have diabetes ....
"Why" that may be is because of the diet and lifestyle you have lead, maybe it is the genetic factors that your parents have passed on to you, or maybe it's a bit of both. Or maybe there is no obvious "why" for this to have happened at all.
Fact is that you've got it, and the treatment regime is going to be pretty much the same either way.
Same with an ILIASM situation.
However your ILIASM deal arose, the treatment regime is going to be pretty much the same, irrespective of "why" the ILIASM situation came about.
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