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Post by WindSister on Mar 14, 2019 20:07:24 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 14, 2019 20:45:59 GMT -5
Good read. I found the part that I capitalized applicable especially to issues of people in SMs. :
"Some examples of good, healthy values: honesty, building something new, vulnerability, standing up for oneself, standing up for others, self-respect, curiosity, charity, humility, creativity.
Some examples of bad, unhealthy values: dominating others through manipulation or violence, fucking more men/women, feeling good all the time, always being the center of attention,¨NOT BEING ALONE, being liked by everybody, being rich for the sake of being rich, sacrificing small animals to the pagan gods.
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Post by baza on Mar 14, 2019 22:32:29 GMT -5
Funnily enough, I have just been reading (for the 5th time) Mansons' book "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck" Now I am biased, because I think the bloke is brilliant, but I also would endorse Sister WindSister 's exhortation to read, REALLY read, this linked article. And if that led to you reading some of his books and/or having a look at his blog, you could do worse. Addendum for Sisters workingonit and WindSisterI'm flattered to be mentioned on the same page as Mark Manson. I refer to him a lot in my posts, sometimes I feel like I'm his publicist !! |
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Post by Handy on Mar 15, 2019 0:40:42 GMT -5
you are blown back and forth across the sea of life by the winds of your responsibilities
This got to me. I have lived it for almost all of my life. The way I see things if a person has good values the values also include responsibilities.
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Post by petrushka on Mar 15, 2019 0:58:13 GMT -5
you are blown back and forth across the sea of life by the winds of your responsibilities This got to me. I have lived it for almost all of my life. The way I see things if a person has good values the values also include responsibilities.
True. However: you get to choose who and what to take responsibility for. Which brings you back to the values question.
I have a friend who's partner makes herself responsible for chickens. Rescue chickens. She works her fingers to the bone, quite literally, spends the money she doesn't have spare, neglects her partner (he now lives in a sexless marriage) in criminal fashion, because she cannot abdicate her imagined responsibility for rescue chickens.
He takes on the responsibility of looking after a person who has, for all practical purposes, abandoned him. He supports her financially, he lugs hay bales for her horse, builds more chicken coops, feeds her numerous cats ... all this on top of having a pretty responsible job in the Canadian civil service.
You have to choose what and where you want to be responsible for. That is your responsibility to yourself. And it never hurts to have a look at your values from time to time in this context.
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Post by Handy on Mar 15, 2019 2:12:31 GMT -5
I admit to a few of my friends I have the responsibility (towards others) down pat but I lack the (something______) to have a reasonable amount of fun/joy. The self care part suffers. Responsibility to or for myself? I am working on it in a way?  ? Petrushka, I know a lady like you described. The guy she lives with does the hay work and most likely buys it too, feeds her horses but he isn't handy so I doubt he builds anything for her. Yes, she is not nice to the guy. I don't understand why they are together. I read about the shootings in Christchurch. heavy.com/news/2019/03/christchurch-mosque-shooting-new-zealand/ |
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Post by workingonit on Mar 15, 2019 11:18:48 GMT -5
This is great! I also like the idea that evaluating our values is an ongoing process in our lives. We are never "done" with that decision making. A regular check in with asking "am I doing my being" is something I value! I have been previously unfamiliar with this author. He does sound like baza and I cannot help but realize he did not deny they are the same person. Curious....😉 |
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Post by saarinista on Mar 20, 2019 0:21:25 GMT -5
I admit to a few of my friends I have the responsibility (towards others) down pat but I lack the (something______) to have a reasonable amount of fun/joy. The self care part suffers. Responsibility to or for myself? I am working on it in a way? ? Petrushka, I know a lady like you described. The guy she lives with does the hay work and most likely buys it too, feeds her horses but he isn't handy so I doubt he builds anything for her. Yes, she is not nice to the guy. I don't understand why they are together. I read about the shootings in Christchurch. heavy.com/news/2019/03/christchurch-mosque-shooting-new-zealandI think most of us are inculcated as children by our families and/or religious organizations to be responsible to doing those things which benefit others. It's a great way to suck kids into the world of herd compliance, which is what enables wars to get fought and titans to get rich, among other things. Actually, herd compliance is necessary to keep most any societal institution intact. I would never say that all of society's institutions need to be destroyed. I WILL say that some of our marriages were dead before they started, and complying responsibly with the edict of "till death do us part" in that case seems unjust, unfair, whatever. There are tons of moral codes in the world. I feel it's important to have a moral code, but that the one you grew up with may not be the one your adult self should be following. As adults, I feel we should give ourselves permission to look at a variety of moral codes and adjust our morals based on life experiences, if we so desire. If we don't free ourselves to adjust our paths based on what we learn throughout life...well, we might as well live in bubbles. And many do. |
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Post by baza on Mar 20, 2019 5:50:12 GMT -5
If your moral codes are - "experience based" as you suggest Sister saarinista , I don't think you can go too far wrong. Of course this pre-supposses that you do actually have a fair bit of life experience, which not everyone has. For that matter, I think that if you base your moral code on "facts" then you can't go too far wrong either. However, basing your moral codes on your "emotions" (which often fly in the face of your experience or the facts) will put you in the ditch real quick. As will basing your moral code on "what the herd says". There's a bloke on here called sensuary who put a post up saying "because of my upbringing I cannot divorce" At the same time he mentions he's checking out the cheating option. Seems to me that there are a couple of big flaws in this version of the moral high ground. #1 is that his attitude to divorce is inherited, not reasoned, which may or may not stand up to close scrutiny. #2 is that his attitude to cheating appears to reflect a completely different set of values to position #1. |
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