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Post by Handy on Mar 20, 2019 22:45:40 GMT -5
worksforme2, that is the way I hope things would initially go if I was in a similar situation.
OTH boobs will be what they are. My opinion is people have what they have and it is OK with me. What I would like is enthusiasm no matter what physical features present them self.
Right now I could be OK with a double mastectomy if the woman was was OK with her situation but I would hope there was excitement to be with me on her part.
Yes i know many women fret over bust size/condition and some men are insecure about their cock being pleasing enough. Some things a person has no control over so I hope people can just get the show on the road end enjoy the trip.
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Post by flashjohn on Mar 21, 2019 9:52:18 GMT -5
Flashjohn said: “I have never told any woman I was trying to bed that I am in a sexless marriage because I HAVE told a couple of female friends over the years and neither believed me. "Nice try" is the usual comment I get.” They say that because, “my wife and I don’t have sex” is what many married men say in attempts to get laid. My mom even warned me about that when I was young. She told me about a man who used that as his pickup line then his wife and mistress ended up pregnant at the same time. Well, it was dannyc who said that.
Just to clarify, I did not use that as a conversation starter. I got to know the woman first, asked about her and what she was looking for, tried to find out about her likes/dislikes, opinions, and personality, and after a while, she would ask about my situation. I made my situation clear so she would know what she was getting. I found that the women I met appreciated that I got to know them and understand them before any sexual discussion. I think that is the problem that many men have. They approach women with sex uppermost in their minds, and the women can sense it. A man has to have a genuine interest in a woman, and that cannot be faked.
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Post by elkclan2 on Mar 21, 2019 15:19:42 GMT -5
Flashjohn said: “I have never told any woman I was trying to bed that I am in a sexless marriage because I HAVE told a couple of female friends over the years and neither believed me. "Nice try" is the usual comment I get.” They say that because, “my wife and I don’t have sex” is what many married men say in attempts to get laid. My mom even warned me about that when I was young. She told me about a man who used that as his pickup line then his wife and mistress ended up pregnant at the same time. Well, it was dannyc who said that.
Just to clarify, I did not use that as a conversation starter. I got to know the woman first, asked about her and what she was looking for, tried to find out about her likes/dislikes, opinions, and personality, and after a while, she would ask about my situation. I made my situation clear so she would know what she was getting. I found that the women I met appreciated that I got to know them and understand them before any sexual discussion. I think that is the problem that many men have. They approach women with sex uppermost in their minds, and the women can sense it. A man has to have a genuine interest in a woman, and that cannot be faked.
Amen!! I used a cheating website to find my affair partner(s) and both were in sexless marriages and that was actually quite important to me. I wanted someone who would understand my deal. I also told my current partner about it quite early on. Because he had been in sexless relationships, too I think that made him wary because (like a lot of men) he'd not really thought about the sexlessness coming from the guy. But we were very open and honest about that stuff from the beginning. We recently went two whole days without sex and he made a 'sex date' with me for last night. And I told him how grateful I was that he does that (I've done it, too).
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Post by Handy on Mar 21, 2019 16:14:53 GMT -5
Get to know the woman first, ask questions, and when she asks about you, I am guessing an answer like "we live in the same house but that is about all that we have in common or together" is that too drastic and would it be a red flag for most women?
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Post by saarinista on Mar 22, 2019 2:03:27 GMT -5
Get to know the woman first, ask questions, and when she asks about you, I am guessing an answer like "we live in the same house but that is about all that we have in common or together" is that too drastic and would it be a red flag for most women? EVERYTHING is a red flag for some people. I think polite honesty is the best policy. I think your comment is fine, though obviously you would want to build rapport based on common interests first. But if someone can't handle the truth, they're not meant for you. You want someone who can embrace your experiences, your reality; not someone you must play silly games with. Really, life is much too short for that hoo-ha.😩
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Post by Handy on Mar 22, 2019 2:15:18 GMT -5
Saarinista 1. obviously you would want to build rapport based on common interests first. But if someone can't handle the truth, they're not meant for you. 2. You want someone who can embrace your experiences, your reality; not someone you must play silly games with.
1. I had in mind building rapport first but didn't post it. Putting on a fake mask doesn't work. That is too close to bait and switch. 2. Common experiences falls into the compatibility category, which I often mention.
I have been watching psychology type videos about being yourself and accepting some of your own flaws and some flaws in others to really connect.
Be willing to let go of who you think you should be and willing to be who you are if you seek connection. 9:10
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Post by saarinista on Mar 22, 2019 2:45:42 GMT -5
Good job! I have high hopes for you, Handy. you're very smart and you have a mind like a sponge!
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 22, 2019 8:37:15 GMT -5
I think that most women would be wary of going off with a strange man who made a pass at them as the women were going about their business. Women have ended up raped or dead who accepted such invitations. Many serial killers were trustworthy appearing people. I’d have been creeped out if a man approached me and asked me out while I was grocery shopping. A man hoping to have an affair would be better off making advances to a woman who either is on an affair site or is someone he knows. Fortunately for me and maybe a lot of other males I don't think most women feel thy same way you do about being approached by a man when they are out and about. Grocery shopping has been good to me when it comes to meeting women. While I agree that % wise the odds may be better if one utilizes an affair site, I feel more comfortable initiating what could be a potential relationship, with a woman who probably has fewer sexual partners than one who frequents an affair site. I don't consider what I am doing to be a "pass". There has to be something about a woman that I find attractive other than what her head looks like. Hopefully she will feel she is being complimented and that will appeal to her sense of self worth and confidence. I'm in it for the long haul. Women have been raped and murdered after accepting invitations from the wrong man, true. They have also been raped and murdered while out jogging, or doing any # of other things. Men seldom are raped by they are murdered walking to their cars or during a robbery. Adolescent's have been killed for their basketball shoes. For the sake of future generations (and my own selfish needs) I hope the majority of women continue to be receptive to conversation with males they just met in a grocery store.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 22, 2019 9:01:51 GMT -5
@elkan same here. It was also important because I didn't want to be a home wrecker if we got caught. To me SM is all ready wrecked. And also someone who outsources just for fun when not in an open marriage even to though the marriage is good is not attractive to me. That being said one guy I was with for 2 years was in a SM of his choosing their marriage fell apart over her spending but he wouldn't leave because of child he lived in the pool house. It was almost like they are divorced but living on the same property .
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Post by saarinista on Mar 23, 2019 15:50:56 GMT -5
worksforme2 northstarmom I used to be a tv reporter, and I once did a story profiling a local woman who had written a book about how women could meet men. This was back in the 90s I guess when more women were trying harder or admitting that they wanted a man, I guess. In retrospect, it was a horrible book in some ways but in other ways, I thought she made some good points. Among them was her suggestion to just talk to men who seemed friendly and attractive as you went about your business-for instance, while going to the store, car repair place, etc. I can still clearly remember going to a grocery store to do the standup amidst the fruits and vegetables. The standup is what you call the part of a TV news story where the reporters stands on screen and talks, as opposed to the part of the story where other pictures appear with the reporter's voice over them, or soundbites, which are clips of interview subjects talking. My copy went something like this: "(Author names) says we women can meet guys going about our everyday business. Keep your eyes open, she says, and strike up a conversation with men who seem friendly and aren't sporting wedding rings. In fact, she says you may find a bumper crop of men right here in the produce department." It's coming back to me now. As I said "bumper crop of men right here in the produce department," I held up a squash-I think it was a spaghetti squash-and had the photographer zoom in on the vegetable. I considered using a cucumber or zucchini, but thought I might get in trouble if I used a phallic symbol. It was a very conservative area. Sigh. Anyway I think you just have to use your judgment. There are lots of nice people out there amongst the psychos-even in your local Walmart. I will say I absolutely hated trying to meet people in bars and places where you were supposed to meet people. The pressure just made me very shy.
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Post by Handy on Mar 23, 2019 16:49:53 GMT -5
I only tried the bar scene once and thought it was a waste of time. I don't drink so that was the second reason I never tried it again.
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 23, 2019 22:31:34 GMT -5
I think the best place to meet people is where you have something in common, whether it is a bar, or a book store, or a Tough Mudder competition,... The most important thing is to be able to talk and listen and get to know people.
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Post by flashjohn on Mar 25, 2019 9:28:37 GMT -5
To me SM is all ready wrecked. This is what amazes me. Often, refusers go along thinking everything is hunky dory, and the marriage is fine. I wrote an article on my blog saying that the most dangerous time in a sexless marriage is when the refused spouse stops asking. This means the refused spouse has given up, has found someone else, or both.
And for the record, in my opinion, it is impossible to cheat on a rejecting spouse. The rejecting spouse has given up his/her rights to exclusive sexual contact with the refused spouse. You are only outsourcing the job that the rejecting spouse won't do.
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Post by flashjohn on Mar 25, 2019 9:36:36 GMT -5
I will say I absolutely hated trying to meet people in bars and places where you were supposed to meet people. The pressure just made me very shy. Also, please realize the men who go to bars to meet women are just looking for a woman to fuck that night. They don't really give a shit about you. And date rape drugs are used way more than people realize. Here, I know of a man who was a nurse at a local hospital. He got behind on his child support, so he would take money to go to bars with his customer. He would look at the woman, estimate the amount of drug needed, then while his customer distracted the woman, he would put the drug in her drink. Then when the woman appeared drunk, he and his customer would "help" her out of the bar, and drive her back to her apartment in her own car. The next morning, she would wake up with semen dripping out of her, and no memory of ever saying no. Many times, she would even drive her own rapist back to his car. I personally talked to 3 women who this happened to. Unfortunately, by the time I found out about this, it was past the 3 year statute of limitations. I did send a letter to both men and told them that I was very aware of their actions, and they would be watched very closely from now on.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 25, 2019 11:03:04 GMT -5
@ flashjohn I literally told my refuser when I quit yelling it's because I don't care anymore. He didn't take heed. I didn't start outsourcing until 3 years later. I don't consider it cheating we were roommates until we paid off the bills.
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