|
Post by surfergirl on Feb 28, 2019 14:14:41 GMT -5
Hi All! I thought I'd pop in and give you all an update. One year ago, I googled "sexless marriage" and found this forum. I was married 21 years with several children. By March, I filed for divorce. In June, I was divorced. In August, I moved out (I had a new house being built) and dealt with the pain and GRIEF. Apparently, my ex wasn't too upset as he had a new whore from the internet as soon as I moved out. They are still together. It all makes sense now..... This February, after dozens and dozens of dates and realizing that I will probably be single for a very long time, I finally found my guy. He is sooooo good to me. I've self-sabbatoged our relationship a few times, just because my nervous system is used to contempt and abuse. Good thing he is a psychiatrist. I probably would've been dumped (for good reason) if that wasn't the case. He is so kind. Oh, and he LOVES sex and is very adventurous in that department... So, while I'd never call a divorce a success story, it does appear I have the best outcome given the circumstances of being married to a man who did not like me, want me, or love me.
|
|
|
Post by misssunnybunny on Feb 28, 2019 16:11:57 GMT -5
Such great news! You sound so happy
|
|
DrNo
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by DrNo on Feb 28, 2019 18:21:22 GMT -5
Sounds like you nailed it. Well done for getting a plan and not only executing that plan but sticking to it.
I’m right on the cusp of a sexless marriage (10 times a year etc) and I know a conversation needs to be had. Your very first posts resonated with me so much. I’m successful, appear to have it all, do 99.9% of everything, including the ironing & cooking, running three companies at arms length, never row or argue, yet I’m lucky if I get a peck on the cheek 🤣.
This forum is the best! I feel so educated when I read everyone’s posts.
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Feb 28, 2019 19:53:22 GMT -5
Congratulations on your newfound happiness surfer girl.
|
|
|
Post by warmways on Feb 28, 2019 23:15:28 GMT -5
I’m so happy for you.
|
|
|
Post by elkclan2 on Mar 1, 2019 8:36:18 GMT -5
Congrats! It's awesome about the self-awareness about sabotaging good relationships, too.
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Mar 1, 2019 9:57:58 GMT -5
Go girl! So happy to hear!
|
|
|
Post by baza on Mar 2, 2019 0:18:48 GMT -5
The journey continues Sister surfergirl . ILIASM is behind you in a cloud of dust. Singledom is your current address (and looks to be pretty good) OppositeLand could be coming up in your future. And you did it. You made the tough choices. You've done well.
|
|
|
Post by surfergirl on Mar 5, 2019 17:34:21 GMT -5
The journey continues is right!
I just got dumped by “the one”. 😢😢😢😢
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 5, 2019 17:39:44 GMT -5
The journey continues is right! I just got dumped by “the one”. 😢😢😢😢 You really caught me off guard with that right cross surfergirl...….WOW
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Mar 5, 2019 18:09:14 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2019 18:12:29 GMT -5
The journey continues is right! I just got dumped by “the one”. 😢😢😢😢 I'm So Sorry. He wasn't the one. He wasn't even one. Lots of others. You got this. I wish I could Thumbs Down or Dislike this post.
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Mar 5, 2019 18:30:22 GMT -5
Well... that sucks. But really, you should feel great that your heart is available to give and that your ability to want and enjoy being wanted is not broken. Knowing that would give me a cetain ooomph to keep going.
One step at a time!
|
|
|
Post by baza on Mar 5, 2019 18:42:10 GMT -5
The journey continues is right! I just got dumped by “the one”. 😢😢😢😢 You are still way ahead of the curve here Sister surfergirl . You are out of your ILIASM shithole and that huge intractable problem is resolved. Now, the problems that come with singledom are yours to address. Presumably, 'the one' was not actually "THE ONE" at all. At this stage, is it imperative that there has to be "a bloke" in your picture at all ? "Singledom" can mean developing your relationship with yourself as much as anything else.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Mar 6, 2019 10:29:53 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear about you and the new guy. After reading your posts for quite some time, I only have one piece of general advice. Slow down In your marriage (especially towards the end), you seemed a bit quick to make large important decisions. Often, you would whiplash into regret as the consequences hit. Whether this was with flaunting your AP, sending mixed messages to the kids about staying / leaving, building a house 5 doors down from your ex, going on dozens and dozens of dates and not finding what you're looking for, or even intentionally torpedoing your current relationship, you have a tendency to shoot from the hip and it seldom works out well. I mean this with kindness. Slow down... As baza says, being single gives you a great opportunity to work on yourself outside the fog of your SM. Most people discover this essential step (sometimes after some stumbles) as things shake out post-divorce. I'm sure you will too. But first? Slow down.
|
|