Post by surfergirl on Feb 28, 2019 14:14:41 GMT -5
I thought I'd pop in and give you all an update. One year ago, I googled "sexless marriage" and found this forum. I was married 21 years with several children.
By March, I filed for divorce.
In June, I was divorced.
In August, I moved out (I had a new house being built) and dealt with the pain and GRIEF. Apparently, my ex wasn't too upset as he had a new whore from the internet as soon as I moved out. They are still together. It all makes sense now.....
This February, after dozens and dozens of dates and realizing that I will probably be single for a very long time, I finally found my guy. He is sooooo good to me. I've self-sabbatoged our relationship a few times, just because my nervous system is used to contempt and abuse. Good thing he is a psychiatrist. I probably would've been dumped (for good reason) if that wasn't the case. He is so kind. Oh, and he LOVES sex and is very adventurous in that department...
So, while I'd never call a divorce a success story, it does appear I have the best outcome given the circumstances of being married to a man who did not like me, want me, or love me.
Sounds like you nailed it. Well done for getting a plan and not only executing that plan but sticking to it.
I’m right on the cusp of a sexless marriage (10 times a year etc) and I know a conversation needs to be had. Your very first posts resonated with me so much. I’m successful, appear to have it all, do 99.9% of everything, including the ironing & cooking, running three companies at arms length, never row or argue, yet I’m lucky if I get a peck on the cheek 🤣.
This forum is the best! I feel so educated when I read everyone’s posts.
Post by workingonit on Mar 5, 2019 18:30:22 GMT -5
Well... that sucks. But really, you should feel great that your heart is available to give and that your ability to want and enjoy being wanted is not broken. Knowing that would give me a cetain ooomph to keep going.
After reading your posts for quite some time, I only have one piece of general advice.
In your marriage (especially towards the end), you seemed a bit quick to make large important decisions. Often, you would whiplash into regret as the consequences hit.
Whether this was with flaunting your AP, sending mixed messages to the kids about staying / leaving, building a house 5 doors down from your ex, going on dozens and dozens of dates and not finding what you're looking for, or even intentionally torpedoing your current relationship, you have a tendency to shoot from the hip and it seldom works out well.
I mean this with kindness. Slow down...
As baza says, being single gives you a great opportunity to work on yourself outside the fog of your SM. Most people discover this essential step (sometimes after some stumbles) as things shake out post-divorce.
I'm sure you will too. But first?
Sham's Law #1: Everything in life is simple. First you figure out what you want. Second, you figure out how to get it. Third you do it. The first step, unfortunately happens to be the hardest.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: Thank you! Had a great party with the boardgamers group (and BBQ, cakes and cards!)
Jan 18, 2020 20:14:00 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate
Jan 18, 2020 22:10:28 GMT -5
frednsa: yaaaaiiiiiieeeeoooooouuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk ! OK, if feel better now.....
Feb 29, 2020 18:14:01 GMT -5
petrushka: Glad you got that off your chest ;-)
Mar 6, 2020 23:35:38 GMT -5
worksforme2: It is a sad day here in my small town, the only cinema has closed...it's probably close to 30 miles to get to one now...
Mar 7, 2020 19:48:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5