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Post by Dan on Jan 31, 2019 10:51:02 GMT -5
Now it’s time for our annual chore: I this year a lim’rick implore And so, ‘bout your marriage Write a verse to disparage The sexlessness that you deplore.
The loneliness, pain, and remorse Leads many to seek to outsource. And no marital bliss (I’m afraid to admit) Leads many to plans of divorce.
Write of the pain that your honey Is making you split all your money Just make sure you rhyme In five simple lines Your verse can be sullen or funny.
And to our dear friend surfergirl Though your entry last year was a pearl, That misshapen “haiku” Does not qualify you So again you must give it a whirl!
In what has become a pre-Valentine's day tradition here, you are invited this year to give us a Limerick that captures your mood regarding your sexless marriage. This is in fact a contest: you enter by posting in this thread; you vote by "likes"; you are allowed as many entries as you'd like; you may vote as many times as you'd like. The winner is the one with the most likes by the closing date: Valentines Day. Once again, Admin will bestow the honorific title of "ILIASM Poet Laureate" to the winner for a year. (This past year's title was held by choosinghappy.) If you'd like to peruse previous poetry threads, see: Disparage your Marriage: Haiku editionCracked Nursery RhymesDisparage your Marriage: Couplets for the Sexless Couple (on EP.com):(Alas: seems no longer online... but I might have an archived copy that I can post on this forum someday.)
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 31, 2019 11:12:34 GMT -5
Nice job DAN!! Let's all give him a hand!
Like always your style is so crafty and funny. Hmm, I wonder if you could do some writing for money?
I am still hoping that ,instead of being stuck with your Wife, That you will continue to seek a better life.
Don't think of your marriage as being in the can. Instead, continue to find your true self, and be the real Dan, man!
Another year comes, and another year goes by. here's to new beginnings, and that you continue to give it a try! My , my!
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Post by h on Jan 31, 2019 21:40:32 GMT -5
She says she'll reward me tonight With her wink and her smile, I delight But now we're in bed She sleeps and instead I'm up masturbating all night.
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Post by saarinista on Feb 1, 2019 0:55:18 GMT -5
She says she'll reward me tonight With her wink and her smile, I delight But now we're in bed She sleeps and instead I'm up masturbating all night. Not bad! it's a real challenge to work the word "masturbating" into poetry. 😅😅 Props to you. 😁
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Post by h on Feb 1, 2019 8:29:23 GMT -5
She says she'll reward me tonight With her wink and her smile, I delight But now we're in bed She sleeps and instead I'm up masturbating all night. Not bad! it's a real challenge to work the word "masturbating" into poetry. 😅😅 Props to you. 😁 It's easier when it's based on the true events of the day. Wrote it between instances of the aforementioned activity.
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Post by baza on Feb 1, 2019 18:23:01 GMT -5
There's no respect, no empathy In this deal twixt you and me You're selfish, self centered Not much of a mate But apart from the sex everything is just great.
Genital blister or PTSD Real or imagined, there's some malady The 'why' doesn't matter To me any more Here are your bags, and there is the door
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Post by JMX on Feb 6, 2019 21:30:28 GMT -5
There once was a girl who liked meat A steak, she preferred to eat But sometimes she craves A big dick’n her Vi-jay A good fucking sure would be neat
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Post by JMX on Feb 6, 2019 23:06:24 GMT -5
I’d like to wear a thigh-high boot But it’d likely get nothing from Groot I’d slap my own ass Say something crass And still get no Aussie “root”
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Post by JMX on Feb 6, 2019 23:15:29 GMT -5
There once was a girl who liked oral Especially when she felt not moral So then she did marry And it got kind of scary So, she said “fuck it” and smoked a Doral
Seriously, I could do these all day 🤣
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Post by solodriver on Feb 12, 2019 0:14:45 GMT -5
Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have A Million Excuses Why I Won't Have Sex With You!
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onlyhuman
Junior Member
Learning to be all right with what I want.
Posts: 30
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Post by onlyhuman on Feb 12, 2019 22:25:21 GMT -5
There once was a girl who liked oral Especially when she felt not moral So then she did marry And it got kind of scary So, she said “fuck it” and smoked a Doral Seriously, I could do these all day 🤣 You are killing it, JMX!
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Post by JMX on Feb 13, 2019 0:03:18 GMT -5
My husband rented Bohemian Rhapsody I chuckled to myself of the parody He loves this movie so Now I think I should go I think he may prefer that comrade’
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 13, 2019 20:33:44 GMT -5
At this time last year Lonelywife Was miserable in her life So she walked away And is glad to this day To be done with the heartache and strife
Now everything hasn’t been roses But as she wipes kids runny noses Realizes not much has changed And with problems exchanged Is eternally glad that she chose this
The sexlessness gone is a perk Of saying goodbye to that jerk And with fun to be had Her new man is glad That her desire’s gone completely berserk
Now not to go getting all sappy But after the SM was so crappy Fantasies are coming true (All the naughty ones too) And forevermore she’s Choosinghappy
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Post by nyctos on Feb 14, 2019 14:25:37 GMT -5
One she was happy for a roll in the hay, Or a lay, as they also say, After birthing a child, She became much less wild, And claims she was never that way.
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Post by nyctos on Feb 14, 2019 14:35:03 GMT -5
Once a husband's delight, Any time, anywhere, go all night! Now her heart's only for money, She's closed off the honey, Planning the marriage a disaster site
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